Do you expect your adult child to...

[TiredAndBurntOut]

Do the full shop for the house if they are already paying board? For context it's £500 a month board.

Like it or lump it, essentially. You've presumably done your research and worked out you can't afford afford anything else, so your current arrangement isn't a bad deal for you.

What’s your ideal solution op? What would you like to happen?

I just want transparency with regards to outgoings but whenever I've tried to bring it up, it just turns into an argument

Not acknowledging them is ignoring them. That’s what the word means.

A house share would not be more expensive than your current living arrangements. It might actually be cheaper. If you can afford to pay your mother, you can afford to pay someone else. Move out.

How? Does your mum flat out refuse to discuss it? Have you said to her let’s go through all the bills so that I can make sure I am paying enough? If so does she just respond a straight out no? Does she have problems dealing with her finances generally?

Is it a private or LA house your mum is renting? That could make a difference on you getting on the tenancy.

Regardless, you can ask the council how much council tax is, tv licence is same for everybody. Presumably you know who your water, gas, electric and internet providers are so you could call them and ask for an estimate based on the size of the house and the number of occupants. At least then you would have a better idea of what the outgoings are rather than a vague figure given by your mum. Likewise with food - what is the average each week? Then just split it. If your mum is on benefits it may be a cash flow problem whereby she can’t manage the same amount for shopping each week (some people get stuck in this cycle)

Ultimately though, you are 27, work full time and will never live this cheaply again so maybe you need a good solid plan with an end date on when you can become independent and move out.

Perhaps you didn't explain your intention to remain living with your mother long term AND crucially to do 50% of housework , cooking and gardening and DIY maintenance and pay 50% of absolutely everything (including the price of running a home long term - replacing things like fridge/ oven/ washing machine/ hoover / lawnmower as needed).

You really need to either be a fully invested equal co-tenant or to move out. You can't have it both ways (be on the rental contract but not fully pull 50% of the weight and hedge your bets about when you might move out).

As you and your mum argue so much and she isn't willing to treat you as an equal adult despite being 27 years old, you need to make a 12 month plan to be out of your mother's house by Christmas 2026.

Not being able to move out because you have some expenses to pay rather suggests that you aren't focusing on saving to move out though, despite having lived with your mother all your adult life.

Your mother sounds like a difficult, rather spiteful person BUT you must have been frittering money and/ or running up your credit card to genuinely not even be able to afford to move into a house share after so many years of living with your mum whilst working full time.

2026 is the year you save a rental deposit and move out.

I haven’t read all the comments but from what I have read I think your mum is using the fact you can’t afford to move out into a flat of your own and that you don’t have the option to go live with your Dad as a way of controlling you and the amount of money you pay. I understand renting and living on your own is expensive as I left home at 17 (I’m almost 50 now) but you could definitely rent a room in someone’s home for the same amount you are paying your mum. I live on the south coast which is an expensive area and I see posts on my local FB pages all the time offering up bedrooms in people’s houses for £600 to £700 a month inclusive of all bills (you obviously have to get your own food) you said the area you live in isn’t particularly expensive so room rental should be nearer the £500 you currently pay. This would be what I would do if I was you. It’s not going to impact the amount you are trying to save up for your own place as it’s what you are paying now anyway without having to pay for the food for your mum also so you will be better off in that respect and your mum won’t be able to hold anything over your head. Your relationship may even improve if you’re not living together but I have a feeling that if you were to secure a room somewhere she will try to backtrack and get you to stay as currently you seem to be paying all the rent for the property you are in so it will be a shock for her to have to pay it all herself plus bills/ food. I wouldn’t back down if she tries to get you to stay personally as she doesn’t seem like the nicest mum. She will get a 25% reduction on her council tax as a single person but she will of course have to pay 100% of the rent so I would be interested to see how well that goes down. You will get to live independently of her but still within a family home and you ain’t have to tiptoe around someone who holds the power of your head if you don’t do/ pay whatever she dictates. At 27 I had moved to Dubai on my own to fly as an airhostess, I had been there for 6 years already by then as moved at 21. I had seen the world and experienced living in a total different culture, it’s time to spread your wings my love and never let anyone have power over you again, family or not x