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Original poster

Do you expect your adult child to...

107 replies

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:29

Do the full shop for the house if they are already paying board? For context it's £500 a month board.

OP posts:
Helpwithdivorce · 18/12/2025 20:29

Tbh at 27 if it was just me and my mom I’d expect to be paying 50/50 share of all household expenses including food. She shouldn’t be keeping you at that age

Littletreefrog · 18/12/2025 20:34

Helpwithdivorce · 18/12/2025 20:29

Tbh at 27 if it was just me and my mom I’d expect to be paying 50/50 share of all household expenses including food. She shouldn’t be keeping you at that age

This. If at 27 you don't have the means to live independently you also don't really have much choice than to live with your Mum. It doesn't mean you have to like it or can't feel like she is taking advantage but without you knowing her financial details we can't be sure if she is. Does she need to pay more council tax now she doesn't live alone? Does she have any benefits that are affected by you living with her?

Original poster
TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:52

Littletreefrog · 18/12/2025 20:34

This. If at 27 you don't have the means to live independently you also don't really have much choice than to live with your Mum. It doesn't mean you have to like it or can't feel like she is taking advantage but without you knowing her financial details we can't be sure if she is. Does she need to pay more council tax now she doesn't live alone? Does she have any benefits that are affected by you living with her?

Show quote history

Honestly I have no idea. The only thing she's told me is that outgoings (not including her personal) are around £1200. We don't live in an expensive area

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:56

Helpwithdivorce · 18/12/2025 20:29

Tbh at 27 if it was just me and my mom I’d expect to be paying 50/50 share of all household expenses including food. She shouldn’t be keeping you at that age

Tbf I agree. Theres also a cultural aspect to this though. We usually stay home until we have a partner/are married. I'm trying my best to progress my career, I want to move out anyway regardless. I don't have a partner

OP posts:
redmapleleaves1 · 18/12/2025 21:22

It is difficult. I'm a single mum and as I have paid off the mortgage I ask my adult son to pay contribute to half the other bills and half the food cost. However if I were paying rent too, or were still paying off the mortgage, at 27 I'd be wanting him to pay some contribution towards that too (eg half the cost of the rent, or a contribution towards the mortgage). So I think the issue is how much her outgoings are right now.

itbemay1 · 18/12/2025 21:32

£500 is quite a lot really so no I wouldn’t then expect them to pay go a food shop

mondaytosunday · 18/12/2025 21:35

No. ‘Board’ means food doesn’t it?

JayJayj · 19/12/2025 18:20

In your situation I think I would ask to see each bill. Rent/gas/electric/water/council tax. And pay half of everything. Then you can either buy your own food or agree to go halves on each shop.

JayJayj · 19/12/2025 18:20

In your situation I think I would ask to see each bill. Rent/gas/electric/water/council tax. And pay half of everything. Then you can either buy your own food or agree to go halves on each shop.

Octavia64 · 19/12/2025 18:32

i live with my adult dd.

we both go shopping and our agreement is we buy and make our own breakfasts and lunches plus she makes one family meal per week.

i don’t pay for her food she doesn’t pay for mine.

however my house is mortgage paid off and I don’t charge her rent. At 27 I’d expect it to be more like a house share in which case 50:50 on bills could easily be more than 500.

when my daughter moves out I will get a lodger and from spareroom the going rate around me seems to be 600 a month.

OneDaringLurker · 19/12/2025 18:33

Blimey! That's a LOT of money your mums expecting. The food bit is madness imo.
I assume you are in the midlands? So not London prices? Sooo high. I feel you are bring financially abused by what you have written.

You can do a room rental for around 500. Pay your own food, it will be cheaper than paying your mums too. And you would be free of abuse.
Feel for you, yanbu.

DaisyChain505 · 19/12/2025 18:38

if it was you living with two parents i would say they’re being mean as they’d already have two salaries to support the household however as it’s just you and your mum that changes things.

£500 for rent, water, gas, electric, council tax and food is pretty good going. Maybe you could agree to just buy your own foods?

If you work full time you must be taking home at least £1500 a month roughly?

Pessismistic · 19/12/2025 19:05

Hi op it is a lot in the sense your her dd but maybe she wants to save as well but is feeling she’s paying more out because the house is her responsibility. it’s mean she just increases it because she wants to that is more of a behaviour you would expect a landlord or non related person would do. The fact she’s your mum sounds harsh. Talking about Money might give you anxiety but your mum might be suffering too it would be best to sit down and see what the outgoings are then go from there. Good luck.

Endorewitch · 19/12/2025 19:16

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:29

Do the full shop for the house if they are already paying board? For context it's £500 a month board.

Are you being serious?Why on earth should they pay for food for whole house and pay board?It is your child for God's sake.
My adult children never paid board. They paid a minimal amount which they thought was board and I put it in a saving account for them. Luckily I didn't need their money but frie is I have expect only a minimal amount .

TomatoSandwiches · 19/12/2025 19:23

I wouldn't expect my child to buy food for the house or for myself, if they wanted to buy their own food that's up to them.

Your mother may be financially abusing you op.

babasaclover · 19/12/2025 19:24

@TiredAndBurntOutWhat is your annual salary?

as you are 27 food should be 50/50 I think. You are nowhere near a child.

also how have you run up an overdraft when you live for £500 rent?!? I signed up for 35 year mortgage aged 23 and the interest was a bitch but worth it. 100% mortgage

Dweetfidilove · 19/12/2025 19:28

At 27 years old this sounds quite reasonable., Unless she has no housing costs.

Frillysweetpea · 19/12/2025 19:55

You would likely be paying more than that for food, rent, utilities etc in a flat share but it depends..... I would expect a supportive parent without major financial issues of their own to be looking at your overall income and situation before determining what you pay. So £400-500 would be an ok rate, possibly on the high side, if you are, say, 20 and on minimum wage with only minor input into chores because you are also studying. If you were significantly older on a professional salary and making no effort to save for your own place and/or contribute to the running of the household I wouldn't blame her for charging more.

Happyjoe · 19/12/2025 20:11

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:52

Honestly I have no idea. The only thing she's told me is that outgoings (not including her personal) are around £1200. We don't live in an expensive area

Show quote history

If her outgoings are £1,200 and you're paying £500 then I think you're doing your fair share towards the house... parents traditionally pay more, a, because they want to help their children and b, it's their home.

If you're worried your mum will put up your rent even more, just buy some groceries now and then, a couple days worth or something towards it. I presume if you buy everything for the week it will become expected.

Back when I was working adult at home, I paid a third. So whatever I earned it was a third of it because back then it was thought to be a third living/fun costs, third mortgage and a third for savings.

Oldwmn · 19/12/2025 21:44

Littletreefrog · 18/12/2025 19:32

No. Mine pays £100 a month which includes everything. He just buys his own clothes, gym membership, phone and all his car expenses.

😮 You must have a few bob!

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 19/12/2025 22:16

I think you need to move out 🤷‍♀️

No it’s not reasonable or fair for your mum to expect that.

SandyY2K · 19/12/2025 22:21

I wouldn't expect that.
My adult kids pay £150 a month and will buy bits and bobs of shopping, but I wouldn't expect them to do the full shop for the house especially if they paid £500 a month.

IfNot · 19/12/2025 22:28

You are 27 years old! I mean… if you moved out (in my town at least) you’d be paying 700 a month for rent and bills but that wouldn’t include food. You would be living with flatmates.
So, I’d suggest you make a choice and pick what suits you best.
It’s probably not great to live with someone who is mean to you, but you are a fully grown working adult. You have options.

Icequeen01 · 19/12/2025 22:31

I have a 26 year old DS at home. He gives us £300 a month and that covers everything. I wouldn’t dream of making him pay more.

croydon15 · 19/12/2025 22:52

£500/month is more than enough, asking you to pay for food is bu. The sooner you are able to move out, the better for you.