Do you expect your adult child to...

TiredAndBurntOut · 2025-12-18T19:29:03+00:00

Do the full shop for the house if they are already paying board? For context it's £500 a month board.

Seawolves · 18/12/2025 19:30

No but they did used to pick up a few bits between weekly shops if I needed stuff, they would always refuse payment for it.

FuzzyWolf · 18/12/2025 19:31

It will depend upon what was agreed at the time the board and cost was decided.

Littletreefrog · 18/12/2025 19:32

No. Mine pays £100 a month which includes everything. He just buys his own clothes, gym membership, phone and all his car expenses.

youalright · 18/12/2025 19:33

No i might expect them to buy there own food dependant on what was agreed and what they eat but not the food shop for the whole family

Roleonspring · 18/12/2025 19:35

No when dc1 lived here I provided the food (to me its part of the 'rent'). I would make sure there was enough food in for a packed lunch to take to work, breakfast and evening meal plus a few snacky foods. Dc has a special diet so I would also make sure it was suitable. Any thing extra dc bought themselves. The only thing I expected was to be told if they weren't going to need a meal and let me know if they used the last of something.
Finances are very tight here as I'm ill health retired so needed dc to pay their way however only enough for us to get by, I didn't want to profit from dc.

DelphiniumBlue · 18/12/2025 19:36

Do you mean physically do the shop, or pay for it, or both? I wouldn't have thought it was fair to expect them to pay for a full food shop on top of board, but reasonable to expect them to be the one doing the shopping sometimes, or to do a top up shop.

Dunnocantthinkofone · 18/12/2025 19:38

Definitely not!
An adult child shouldn’t be costing me cash but at £500 plus the family food bill, I’d be earning a substantial profit from them

Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:38

DelphiniumBlue · 18/12/2025 19:36

Do you mean physically do the shop, or pay for it, or both? I wouldn't have thought it was fair to expect them to pay for a full food shop on top of board, but reasonable to expect them to be the one doing the shopping sometimes, or to do a top up shop.

Physically do it and pay + weekly top ups

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Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:39

FuzzyWolf · 18/12/2025 19:31

It will depend upon what was agreed at the time the board and cost was decided.

There was no real agreement with regards to what it would cover, more just a "here's what I need you to pay" and that's it.

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EchoedSilence · 18/12/2025 19:40

No of course not.

Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:46

Well, if it wasn't obvious, I am the adult child in this scenario. I'll have to try and pick up some overtime at work so I can do this

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TalulahJP · 18/12/2025 19:50

£500 a month is like £16 a day. i would hope that would cover all their food.

Everything else like gas electric mortgage i’d be paying to stay there myself anyway.

The exception may be council tax as i’d lost my single discount if i had a working adult staying with me. so that would be like a tenner a week.

It depends also on how expensive it is to stay in that area and how much he earns, if it’s minimum wage or £45k and bonuses!

It’s not about making a profit from dc it’s about them contributing. However if i could afford to put by their contribution by and give it back to them as a nice surprise deposit i would.

Boudy · 18/12/2025 19:51

I think we would need to know more about your parent/ parents financial situation and yours really. In my family with my ds1( we are not at all well off) I would say £500 is alot and we would not/ do not expect that much etc. He tends to buy the fun/ treat stuff and pays water bill. However,he is not working( since graduating has had 2 temp roles) it is really tough out there as am sure people know.When he was working and when he does again we still would not expect that much.

Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:54

Boudy · 18/12/2025 19:51

I think we would need to know more about your parent/ parents financial situation and yours really. In my family with my ds1( we are not at all well off) I would say £500 is alot and we would not/ do not expect that much etc. He tends to buy the fun/ treat stuff and pays water bill. However,he is not working( since graduating has had 2 temp roles) it is really tough out there as am sure people know.When he was working and when he does again we still would not expect that much.

It's just me and my mom at home. Not sure how much she earns but is self employed. I work full-time as well.

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Boudy · 18/12/2025 19:57

If you haven't already can you sit and have a talk about Incomings/outgoings? If you are going to need to work overtime for the changes suggested that sounds like you need a conversation. Sounds tough for you both.

Egglio · 18/12/2025 19:57

It really does depend on the overall situation. If the alternative is that you and your DM are both homeless then maybe I could understand, however, it is still your mum's responsibility to house herself, not for you to house her IYSWIM. On the other hand, parents can and do financially abuse their adult children so this could also be the case. In which case, get your ducks in a row to make your own way in the world.

purplecorkheart · 18/12/2025 19:59

No, I would expect if they are asked to pick up the odd item on their way home that they do not seek a refund and cover their own treats or if they want something like a high protein diet etc.

Littletreefrog · 18/12/2025 19:59

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 19:54

It's just me and my mom at home. Not sure how much she earns but is self employed. I work full-time as well.

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What other expenses do you have? Whilst £500 a month plus the weekly shop is quite a lot it is less than you would have to pay if you weren't living with your Mum. I think age and life stage is a factor here as well.

My 18 year old pays £100 a month because whilst technically an adult he is not long out of being a child and I'm happy he is staying with me and able to save for his future and we can afford ito support him.

If he was 35 having returned home for some reason and I was used to years of not having to support him and budgeting accordingly the added financial pressure of another adult in the house would feel very different and I would expect more from him.

Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:02

Littletreefrog · 18/12/2025 19:59

What other expenses do you have? Whilst £500 a month plus the weekly shop is quite a lot it is less than you would have to pay if you weren't living with your Mum. I think age and life stage is a factor here as well.

My 18 year old pays £100 a month because whilst technically an adult he is not long out of being a child and I'm happy he is staying with me and able to save for his future and we can afford ito support him.

If he was 35 having returned home for some reason and I was used to years of not having to support him and budgeting accordingly the added financial pressure of another adult in the house would feel very different and I would expect more from him.

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Car insurance, finance, fuel, phone bill are my outgoings. I could probably afford to give another £100 but that's it as I have my overdraft to pay off (interest free) and I'm trying really hard to save up a deposit for my own place

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Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:03

Egglio · 18/12/2025 19:57

It really does depend on the overall situation. If the alternative is that you and your DM are both homeless then maybe I could understand, however, it is still your mum's responsibility to house herself, not for you to house her IYSWIM. On the other hand, parents can and do financially abuse their adult children so this could also be the case. In which case, get your ducks in a row to make your own way in the world.

Tbh the conversation about money gives me anxiety. A few years ago our relationship was really bad (she just started being very mean to me out of nowhere) and every time we would argue or something she would increase the amount of board I had to pay or tell me to go and live with my dad (who I have no relationship with). So I get scared of having nothing

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Egglio · 18/12/2025 20:14

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:03

Tbh the conversation about money gives me anxiety. A few years ago our relationship was really bad (she just started being very mean to me out of nowhere) and every time we would argue or something she would increase the amount of board I had to pay or tell me to go and live with my dad (who I have no relationship with). So I get scared of having nothing

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How old are you OP? Do you have a full time job? As I said in my last post, there are always intricacies, but this latest update does make me wonder about the situation you are being put in. The fact you are asking here also makes me question whether you're also hearing your own alarm bells.

If you had posted about how unfair it was that your parent was charging you x,y,z and don't they know they still need to look after you, aren't they being so mean etc. I might have a different view. However, I dont get that impression from you.

Of course, other posters are right that you might still pay more to live independently, but freedom is priceless, so you make your choices. Personally, I would rather live frugally and freely if at all possible.

Boudy · 18/12/2025 20:16

I agree with @Egglio post op

Original poster

TiredAndBurntOut · 18/12/2025 20:18

Egglio · 18/12/2025 20:14

How old are you OP? Do you have a full time job? As I said in my last post, there are always intricacies, but this latest update does make me wonder about the situation you are being put in. The fact you are asking here also makes me question whether you're also hearing your own alarm bells.

If you had posted about how unfair it was that your parent was charging you x,y,z and don't they know they still need to look after you, aren't they being so mean etc. I might have a different view. However, I dont get that impression from you.

Of course, other posters are right that you might still pay more to live independently, but freedom is priceless, so you make your choices. Personally, I would rather live frugally and freely if at all possible.

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I'm 27 work full time in the office 5 days a week. Overtime doesn't come by often as the team I'm on doesn't require it so I have to wait for other teams to let me know if they need jobs doing. I'm not sure I earn enough at the moment to live independently so I want to at least progress in my career before I leave, even if it means paying a bit more at home

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DiscoBeat · 18/12/2025 20:19

I wouldn't charge them board as we don't need it (obviously it's different if you do). We're not there yet as oldest is only 17 but I think I would appreciate the occasional family meal being prepared and paid for or the odd thing being replaced. I'd rather they saved what they can while they're saving for their house deposit.

Boudy · 18/12/2025 20:25

So op. You don't know your mum's earnings but she knows yours? So do you think you can both sit together and go through Incomings and Outgoings and have a talk about money/ worries/ future etc. Clarity for you both sounds like it is needed.