Would having a male midwife bother you ?

[ChristmasRobinFly]

Just watching the us office birth episode where the male Breast feeding consultant comes along

and reminded me of having a male midwife and I felt uncomfortable but too embarrassed to say actually, I don’t mean to be sexist but
actually no, I don’t feel comfortable with this

Exactly. They do a job that no one asked them to do and most women don't even particularly want them to do, and expect to be lavished with praise for it. So often it seems very selfish and entitled, especially if it means that they could end up being a vulnerable woman's only option during labour, against her wishes. But they don't seem to care about those women.

And the 'glass escalator' often means that they get promoted over and above their equally or more qualified female colleagues, ending up with higher pay, or in positions of superiority.

Yes I don't really know. It's just how it was for me. Maybe because it made him not a threat? It's a feeling, not a fact.

This stat is pretty much why it would bother me. I’ve had a male obstetrician deliver my baby then manually remove the placenta and he was great, but that was in the private system where I selected to book in with him specifically. I’d prefer not a male midwife.

It would really bother me. I request a woman for most medical appointments and for any and all personal medical issues.

I'd rather give birth alone than with a male midwife! I have three children and fortunately there were no male midwives at my trust.

Its easy to say "yeah I'd be fine with it" when you didnt actually have to go through being fine with it.

I don't think men should be allowed to be midwives. I would be very uncomfortable with one.

I had a male midwife at 3rd birth and it didn't bother me at all. Too busy to care (at all)

Also there was a male midwife at hospital on post natal ward after 2nd birth, and I remember he was very kind/caring with both me and newborn son.

I think kind and caring person over rules whether the person is male or female.

Both of sexism and classicism here I think

There has been gender parity in one and gynae for some time for clinicians so by extension why shouldn't there be more male midwives? Is it because some women think of man isn't well educated and middle class he is more likely to be a pervert?

I think in the modern NH S perhaps the right to have a healthcare professional of a gender of your suiting is slowly changing.

No sexism or classism here. I don’t think a male midwife is likely to be a pervert. I just wouldn’t want one. Incidentally, I would defend a man’s request to have a man examine his prostate or put a swab up his dick too.

ETA: Meant to quote @mids2019

What on earth is sexist and classist about a woman not wanting a man to touch her genitals?

Setting religion and other valid reasons aside: considering the high rates of sexual abuse and domestic violence suffered by women and girls, can you truly not understand why a woman might refuse intimate care by a male?

And what of a woman who refuses care by a male midwife in your ideal world? Should we threaten to turf her out onto the street, forcing her to either give birth without medical assistance, or to allow a man to put his fingers inside her without her free consent? Any decent man wouldn't want to force his 'care' on a woman who felt that way, and would want her to have a female carer.

I haven’t read the whole thread. But I would put money on there being posters talking about how their male midwife was the most wonderful, caring perfect skilled human being they’d ever met. Just like all the men in traditional women’s professions are. It’s almost as if there’s a low bar for men or something….

A male midwife would bother me. I don't think I'd have minded if the surgeon who stitched me afterwards was male. Giving birth feels more intimate.

Same as I was okay with the doctors being men when I had breast cancer but I don't ever want a man to do a mammogram on me.

I’d rather have a female for any medical care that’s specifically related to women’s health tbh, I’m not saying I would necessarily refuse a man in all (or indeed any) situations, but if we are just talking preference, in a vulnerable moment I’d prefer to be cared for by a woman, and I feel a woman would be more empathetic and understanding of women’s health.

When I was a young “cool girl” woman I would have emphatically said it wouldn’t bother me. Now I know better, it would bother me a lot.

I’ve had a pretty awful female midwife, who
was very intimidating and I pulled her up on her bedside manner - had a man behaved in the same way I would have really struggled with his physical presence, I’d have felt unsafe.
Given the choice I’d see a woman for all my medical appointments- even to get my eyes tested!

The ones that make the news are just the tip of the Iceberg., the only ones who get caught. Often after a long history of red flag behaviour.
My daughter works in the theatre dept of the hospital where I also work and consequently I hear about various goings on.
We are very fortunate to have a wonderful breast cancer unit, with some superb surgeons, both male and female. All round lovely people as well as excellent professionals.
However a few months ago there was a new male locum breast surgeon. He made himself unpopular on his first day in theatre by demanding women have their underwear removed whilst being prepped for the operation (after being anaesthetised). Daughter found it creepy how he was talking about “panties”. There was a bit of “That’s not what we do here” v “That’s how it’s done everywhere else I’ve worked “ and in the end theatre staff complied. He claimed it interfered with the diathermy or some such nonsense.
At the start of shift for his next operating list the senior nurse stated at morning briefing that underwear would remain in place. She was then outraged to discover he circumvented this by going onto the pre-op ward and telling nurses there to ensure patients weren’t wearing underwear.
He left soon after. I think he was at the hospital for a total of 3-4 weeks. I don’t know how long his original locum contract was for but presumably locums are booked via an agency and can be cancelled at short notice. I don’t actually know if he was sent packing or just came to the end of his time.
So he’s off, free to be creepy wherever else he locums. Can’t really make a report to the GMC as “creepyvibes” isn’t really enough evidence.

In his short time he seemed to make quite an impact - I was surprised to have gossip around this passed on to me by a colleague who had heard about it via different channels. I had heard about it from my daughter but not discussed it with colleagues. Clearly there was quite a bit of talk about it.

Of course it’s difficult - as I said we have some wonderful breast surgeons, male and female. I would be more than happy to be treated by any of them.
How is one to identify the creep and ask for someone else? That particular person might have been perfectly nice to patients face to face and a perfectly competent surgeon. I didn’t hear different. However he made staff uncomfortable with his demands and they weren’t happy.

So women who choose to protect themselves by the very simple method of asking for same sex care are perfectly rational and reasonable in my opinion.

They had a male midwife at my hospital and women were asked about his presence at pre birth appointments by a female colleague. Apparently he was very good and very respectful but it gave women the choice to think about it when they weren’t actually pushing a baby out.

I had a male doctor show up at my first daughter’s birth and he was shit, stood in the doorway and said I wasn’t in labour when I was mid contraction. When he showed up on his rounds the next morning thinking he was going to decide if I needed a blood transfusion or not I chased him out of the room as I had no confidence in him.

Why should women even have to consider this decision just because a man has decided to insert himself in a female experience? I would hate to have that decision imposed on me at a time when I was feeling incredibly vulnerable.

No it wouldn't bother me at all. The only males I don't like in the labour room are the dads getting in the way 😂 I'm only half joking 😉

Just to clarify: women wear a hospital gown going into theatre. The gown is left in place but peeled down from the top to expose the breasts for surgery. (Breast surgery obviously). I don’t even understand how this surgeon was seeing if the women were wearing underpants - they wouldn’t be exposed except I assume theatre staff lifting the gown out of the way to apply diathermy pads, which are likely to be placed on the thigh or possibly buttock. As far as I know women wearing underpants for surgery on other parts of the body isn’t a problem. Theatre staff take great care of the dignity of their patients.

Nope, not at all. It’s one redeeming thing I think about men is taking on roles designed to genuinely help and care for women. Gynae, midwives, breastfeeding consultants.

I had a male student midwife during my c section who did my catheter, and also a male surgeon ect. They were the loveliest people I could have imagined caring for me.. 2 year later I had exactly the same team for my second section!

Same, during my second labour. He was incredible especially after the first labour was horrendous due to neglect from female midwives. He was reassuring and I've never felt so listened to by a healthcare professional. But I understand why others wouldn't be comfortable. Not sure if it changes things but I had a water birth so my cervix was only checked before I got in.

No, I would ask for female only.
It's so infuriating to see male medical staff described as 'loveliest people ever, so kind etc.' just for doing their job. They're not lovely or kind, or they'd consider that perhaps many women (67% of the op's current results) don't want them to be midwives. You've got to be pretty selfish to think your patients feelings aren't as important as yours.

This is so disturbing, but I've read of similar and worse things.
It reminds me of the way that up until quite recently, in many countries (including the US, NZ, France - not sure about the UK), consent wasn't required for vaginal or rectal exams by students if a patient was under anaesthesia for an unrelated surgery.
Women are all too often treated as though they are there at the health professional's convenience, and should just be grateful to be getting treatment at all.

I'd want a woman.

I had several miscarriages a few years ago and after a particularly bad one I was in hospital, ill never forget a male somthing coming checking me over. It was was horrible