Dressed up but bare feet?

[Flowerslamp]

When we visit BF's parents. I've met them a handful of times they're definitely BF's parents, not ILs iyswim. If it makes a difference, I'm middleaged, they're 70s.

On the odd occasion that I've been to their house, I've taken the lead from BF and gone reasonably smartly dressed, in the same way as we would have gone "visiting" when I was a child.

The difference is no one from my childhood had a shoes off home.

I made the right choice re what to wear, his mother was beautifully turned out, as she always is. She was wearing gold block heel shoes with her outfit, which (possibly) are only worn indoors.

BF removed his shoes at the door, so I did the same. Mother didn't say don't worry about it, as I would, so I assume shoes off are a requirement. Father was wearing smart leather slippers.

This left BF in his socks and me in tights, feeling partially dressed. Should I have taken slippers co ordinate with my outfit ?! Or is there another way.

Fwiw, they were perfectly lovely and we have a fun afternoon. It's not the biggest deal in the world, I'm just wondering what to wear on Boxing Day.

As an aside they have under floor heating, which is lovely at forst but by the end of the day I felt horribly overheated, you can't move away from it as you might a radiator and without shoes you have this direct heat on your feet all day!

Why are you repulsed by bare feet but not by shoes that have been walking on filthy pavements and roads?

Ah yes, we've all heard the cautionary tale of the neighbours who wore outdoor shoes indoors and, er, nothing happened.

Good luck with eliminating the germs. Presume you know about all the microbial creatures (bacteria, fungi, viruses, and mites) who live on your skin?

Cats and dogs and other animals pee and crap all over streets and paths. People spit. The bacteria and parasites in that lot are not at all comparable to the normal microbiome of human skin.

People can do what they like in their own homes. But I'd say 95% of the homes I've ever visited in Ireland and the UK are shoes-off. America tends to be 50:50. Now we know more about microbes it makes sense people tend to take their outdoor shoes off at the door, especially if you have carpets.

@DaniO2 Makes sense how? What 'more' do we know about microbes? Do you know of a scientific study linking outdoor-indoor shoe-wearing to terrifying infection and illness? Most transference of infection in humans is via hands. (and if you're worried about your outdoor shoe contamination, do you wash your hand for several minutes after removing and storing your shoes? seriously?)

It's kind of ridiculous and OCD to aim for a sterile surgical home environment.

Edited to add: And whatever happened to antimacassars?

@RogueFemale men stopped using Macassar oil in their hair.

I didn't go to a house in the UK where people asked for shoes off until the late 2000s despite living in places from Orkney to Oxford, and it's still not universal. The fact that there are regular debates on here about it and that culturally we don't either take inside shoes when we visit people or provide inside shoes for guests (which is what happens in other northern European countries where shoes off is more established) shows how recent a development it is. When I was first asked to take shoes off it was very much about the homeowner wanting to protect their expensive carpets from wear and tear and nothing to do with germs. That is a much more recent explanation in the UK at least and often seems to be linked to people having small children crawling on the floor. It also makes no sense at all in hot countries where your feet that have been in sandals outside are likely to be dusty and dirty, unless people are washing their feet when they arrive at someone's house? That would make sense and could be a polite thing to do for guests, providing a bowl of water for them to wash the dirt off their feet on a hot day. And as people say the microbes from other peoples bare feet (or socked feet, socks are not an anti-microbial barrier) are more likely to spread disease to your bare feet than if everyone is wearing shoes and the floor is just recognised as somewhere dirt can be (which is why we teach children not to eat food they have dropped on the floor).

I'm always confused about the practicality as well, e.g. for some people putting shoes on and off is hard to do and so it creates a barrier to visiting if you have a disability (my FIL took about 20 minutes to put on shoes towards the end of his life). If you are inviting people into your garden do you insist they take their shoes off and on every time they go from house to garden and back again? Do you never go barefoot at a beach or on grass because of the germs? What do you do if a glass gets broken in your kitchen and there's shards of glass all over the floor, surely that's a shoes on situation?

As you mil was wearing heels I would just keep my shoes on to be honest. This comes up on here loads and as other posters have alluded too - well I think it is a 'class' thing.

In larger houses with hard flooring it is easier to clean I guess.

I mean I get not wanting children to wear muddy shoes indoors but for grown ups on smart occasions I do feel it is rude to say - hey love your cocktail dress and now could you take your heels off and walk around in your tights. But I find toes in tights a bit freaky which is a me thing ;)

Or maybe get some very glam Hollywood style heeled slippers with a feather on top of the type agent provocateur used to sell ;)

I think the shoes off policy is strong in the UK and North America due to the popularity of carpets. Fitted carpets are much less popular through Europe and the rest of the world (I admit my theory conflicts with the customs of Japan however). Similarly, this idea that ‘old money’ houses care less about shoes off probably stems from the same idea: fewer carpets and more stone or wooden floors and rugs.

We have a half and half policy in our house due to hard floors downstairs and carpet up the stairs and in the bedrooms. I don’t ask guests to remove shoes unless they go upstairs.

It really isn't, as you can tell from any of these threads which come up a lot,

I'm not suggesting it's unreasonable, just that if you invite people round, especially for a dress up do, it's only polite to tell them

These threads come up all the time, and it's clear it's still not typical, you can't base this stuff on your own social circle

I'm not suggesting there's anything wrong with it, but being as we aren't Japan, it's rude not to tell people, especially if they've dressed up

I’ve never gone stomping into someone else’s house across their carpet in my shoes … extremely rude!

Thank God I don’t visit your house! Sounds vile 😷

I’m late 40s and grew up in a shoes off household. Then I spent time in Southeast Asian countries where shoe wearing inside was extremely rude. (You either wore socks, took your own slippers or the host provided some)

Now wearing shoes in someone’s house just feels very very wrong. As soon as you come in, shoes go off.

My adult son had his friends round, I came home to a line of very large shoes by the front door. No one had asked them to, it was just routine and standard. So I think the culture is changing to more shoe off inside homes.

£10 Black velvet ballet pumps from primark are the answer. I have a pair just for this purpose. Or those fold up ballet shoes designed to go in your handbag when the heels have to come off.

The ick is someone wearing shoes in the house 😁

But, I would take some Xmas socks - like the big, over-sized ones, or slippers (could also be festive). If Xmas socks, could you and bf have a pair each so you feel less weird about it?

Totally agree. I’m English born and bred, almost 60. Every single friend and family member I know automatically takes off shoes or offers to (thanks yes, just leave them there with ours..) when they come to our house. It’s so normal that you just think ahead when visiting someone else. I’m not up my own arse enough to worry about my outfit being shoe-less, but it’s common sense to make sure you’re wearing decent tights or socks if you are visiting someone.

Could you possibly ask your BF or even his mum what she would prefer? Suggest the indoor shoes option over day slippers and see what she thinks.
No shoe households are actually a very typically Asian tradition and we do it in our house, I did anyway before meeting my husband

😂😂

100% agree … so rude and gross to go stomping across someone’s carpet with shoes on!

Why is my social circle less relevant than yours?

Shoes off and shoes on are both common.

It's definitely a class thing. I remember very posh MIL of my SIL barking at her DH for slipping his shoes off in my living room!

I've never stomped anywhere 🤣

Shoes off at the door. Baffling that people think there’s a valid argument for wearing their outdoor shoes into my home 🤢 Shoes off or off you trot!

I always take slippers or thick socks when I go to someone else's house. For one thing, I don't want to put the host in the awkward position of having to ask me to remove my shoes. Also it dawned on me about 10 years ago that I didn't have to sit there with freezing feet!

My MIL is very strict about no shoes inside her house (although she wears them in everyone else's).
I'm funny about exposing my feet (always have been and I just hate feet) so I always wear trousers so that I can wear socks or if I have to wear a dress, I wear opaque tights or if it's a light coloured dress, I paint my toenails nicely and wear the thickest denier tights in flesh tone that I can get away with.

This year, I've actually bought some really lovely new socks, especially to wear for the Christmas visit.

My relative has a shoes off household, I have no slippers, so I take clean sandals, I can't have nothing on my feet.

Matching slippers? So you need to have slippers in all the colours you have dresses in?
I have normal slippers and the look quite silly with a smart dress.