Would you accept a lift from a nice man in the middle of nowhere?

[Angelic999]

Out on a remote countryside walk alone as a woman, it starts raining. A man stops in his car to offer a lift. Would you say yes?

This happened to me recently. I said no thank you. He then proceeded to question me about where I was going. He seemed nice enough but I wasn't willing to take the risk to get in a car with a complete stranger (Ian Brady anyone?!)

Part of my female conditioning has been to then feel guilty that I have offended him! But then surely he should have more awareness. Although maybe it's just friendly country folk being genuine!

What a load of victim blaming crap. Absolutely fine if you or others don’t want to walk in these places but don’t you dare tell me where I can or can’t walk thank you.

No, sadly, this is our lives. In fear of the danger of the predator man.

You can state your OPINION until the cows come home. Doesn’t turn it into fact.

Neither - I am the mother of a young man however and I'm disgusted with how women constantly demonise the opposite sex: they are told at school, on social media, on tv that THEY are the problem - for everything apparently.
They are not allowed to look at women, talk to them, try to ask one out, not allowed to be anything except the slightly stupid dad in adverts or the murderous villain on tv.
It sickens me to see society tell men they are all problems and it sickens me just as much to see how women oppress themselves - you don't have to move to Saudi you can just stay in the UK and live with the constant hysteria about the opposite sex and pretty soon no woman will dare to leave the house alone after dark, then it will become at any time, then it will become a defence in law because a woman left the house alone, then it will become law and before you know it you will oppressed yourselves into total subjugation because of irrational fear of everything.

And no I am fine with accepting the statistics that men are guilty of more violence than women but don't forget most of that violence is suffered by other men.
I am also fine with accepting the statistics that men are guilty of more attacks on women than women are but that does not mean its healthy for society to treat every man as a threat.
I brought my boy up to the understanding that while in general its not a good idea to accept lifts from strangers its fine to ask for help when you need it and use your own judgement and intuition about that.
You might choose to live your life shutting yourself off from all possible forms of risk but I can assure you - accepting a lift from a stranger carries a higher risk of injury from crashing than anything else.

I am the mother of a young man however and I'm disgusted with how women constantly demonise the opposite sex: they are told at school, on social media, on tv that THEY are the problem - for everything apparently.
They are not allowed to look at women, talk to them, try to ask one out, not allowed to be anything except the slightly stupid dad in adverts or the murderous villain on tv.
It sickens me to see society tell men they are all problems and it sickens me just as much to see how women oppress themselves - you don't have to move to Saudi you can just stay in the UK and live with the constant hysteria about the opposite sex and pretty soon no woman will dare to leave the house alone after dark, then it will become at any time, then it will become a defence in law because a woman left the house alone, then it will become law and before you know it you will oppressed yourselves into total subjugation because of irrational fear of everything.

And no I am fine with accepting the statistics that men are guilty of more violence than women but don't forget most of that violence is suffered by other men.
I am also fine with accepting the statistics that men are guilty of more attacks on women than women are but that does not mean its healthy for society to treat every man as a threat.
I brought my boy up to the understanding that while in general its not a good idea to accept lifts from strangers its fine to ask for help when you need it and use your own judgement and intuition about that.
You might choose to live your life shutting yourself off from all possible forms of risk but I can assure you - accepting a lift from a stranger carries a higher risk of injury from crashing than anything else.

Being scared of all men is ridiculous and sexist.

I am also the mother of a young man.
Everything you say is absolute hyperbole.
Not only are men allowed to look at women and ask them out, they are allowed to rape them with impunity. You would know that if you looked at rape conviction rates.
Nobody is attacking your son. We are saying that male violence is a problem in general.

No, I can’t see why a bit of rain would stop me walking and I wouldn’t expect any man (or woman) to stop and offer a lift on that basis. That would make me suspicious.

If the weather conditions were so bad I was actually in danger then I would consider it, as I think it would be reasonable for them to offer in the circumstances.

No way! That is weird of him even if he meant well. Most nice men would understand how such an invitation would be perceived even if their intentions were entirely honourable.

No way. Years Later, I still shudder about the man offering me a lift when I was walking home from babysitting. I was 3 minutes from home anyway. I refused and he continued to hassle me crossly to get in the car, whilst driving slowly next to me. I absolutely know that man meant harm to me. I was so relieved to reach the house. I was 15.

It's not about being scared of all men. It's about risk.

I was 99.9% sure this man was perfectly pleasant and normal. However why would I take a chance of being raped or murdered by getting in a moving vehicle with him?

If you' happily jump into moving vehicles with strangers good luck.

And no I am fine with accepting the statistics that men are guilty of more violence than women but don't forget most of that violence is suffered by other men

Yes! Men commit almost all the violence suffered by women; and they also commit almost all the violence suffered by men!
I’m not sure how that strengthens your argument: if anything it further exemplifies men’s potential for violence.

Sure, there are men (my DH, DS, DB and DSiL) whom I love and would bet my actual life would never rape or otherwise hurt a woman, but strangers? It would be very foolish to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Your truth, otherwise known as opinion. It’s riskier being a woman alone in a city, town or residential area, or walking alone in a municipal park than in rural areas. This is borne out by analysing the geographical breakdowns of the various violent crimes against a person indicators in the ‘Crime Survey for England and Wales’ and the ‘Crime in England and Wales: Police Force Area’ datasets.

However, it is natural to feel safer in urban environments. With streetlights, traffic and people living around where you are walking, you feel less exposed than on a windy, remote hillside. But statistically speaking you are far more likely to be assaulted, abused, raped or murdered in a more urban setting.

Your perception of safety or lack thereof is therefore hugely influential on your comfort level, far more than logic or facts.

So, again, I’ll say it would be far better to put your view in terms of it being your own opinion rather than shaming the OP or anyone else just for choosing to go on a hike.

Edited a typo

I’m not shaming anyone !
You’re going OTT , relax !

I probably wouldn't these days, especially not if the follow-up questions raised red flags. But I have in the past, with no problems. I can think of two occasions when nice men helped me with a lift. I have often picked up hitchers and offered lifts to people who looked as if they needed one. Again though, not sure if I'd do that with a man/men these days.

Funnily enough not at all funny the only time I've had a problem with getting a lift was with someone I knew.

Nope! Even if I had a black belt in every type of combat skill there is - you don’t know who they are, how strong they are, whether they have a weapon etc.

There's a huge difference between interacting with men as opposed to accepting a lift from someone you've never met.
Women have to be aware of who's around them at night even more.
Men don't!

He obviously (scarily!) has a lot of knowledge about this ...
Wonder why!?!

It's not about being scared of all men.

It's about being aware of statistical evidence that men commit 98% of sexual offences.

Women taking measures to protect themselves is not women "oppressing themselves" 🙄

No, because whilst it’s not all men, somehow it’s always a man.

…and I totally understand the feeling bad after, we’re ridiculous! Why should we care about some random man’s feeling?!

On a side note, had a similar convo with my husband after Sarah Everard, because I confessed I would have gotten in the car too. He couldn’t believe it! He said he would never, would have just said he’ll take himself to the station as it was CLEARLY dodgy.

I tried to explain how ingrained it is in women not just to do as we are told from people in authority but MEN in authority. He thought I was mad!

Would you have?

Where we lived was very rural and very few buses, it was common for anyone with a car to offer a lift to anyone walking or waiting for a bus. You might recognise the driver or not, you would actually be a bit annoyed when someone just sped past. You're much more likely to be killed by a car on a rural lane than be picked up by a maniac. But I understand why people would decline.

“Why were you walking alone anyway in a remote area in the Country side ?
Seriously !”

This is a shaming tone. It implies ‘you’re crazy, why on earth would you do that?!’

But I get it - you’ve had a bit of a pile on from various posters saying much the same thing as me so I get you might feel defensive and try to get a rise out of me.

Absolutely no.. any man would surely be aware how uncomfortable a women would feel at this .
Don't feel guilty at all.
I think it's creepy.

Some of the responses on this thread illustrate the social pressures on children and women to ‘be polite’ and compliant, and to prioritise that over safety.

A hard No from me Im afraid.I think there are worse things than getting wet! I also wouldnt engage with any info about myself or my plans!