Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Are you friendly with neighbours, by friendly I mean socialise ?

110 replies

teletubs · 03/12/2025 06:49

We’ve never been ones to go round the neighbours houses and be friends in that way, we’ve always chatted etc our the front and helped each other out when needed but that’s as far as it goes really.

We’ve just moved into our new house, the neighbours seem really nice, they got us a moving in gift (some wine and chocolates) which I thought was really nice of them. But now they’ve text asking us to go around for a drink over Christmas and I’m panicking 😆 I am autistic and just can’t cope with the thought of having people in my house, I like my own company, I get really anxious having to mask and just hate when I’m interacting with people having to be so self aware of myself. I can be outgoing and chatty, but it takes work on my part and I feel exhausted afterwards.

I really don’t want to start off a thing where if we accept the invitation then we would be expected to then have them round ours etc and on it goes.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Noshowlomo · 03/12/2025 06:50

Nope not at all. They’re all retirees though. We talk if we see them but no socialising whatsoever

FracasFracas · 03/12/2025 06:53

Just tell them the truth. You’re autistic and find socialising exhausting. Thank them for the invitation.

SparkyBlue · 03/12/2025 06:54

No we don’t socialise but we all get along well and would chat or say hello when we are outside at the same time. I know in an emergency I could knock at any of their doors. I think it’s a nice balance as I think when people get too friendly it leads to dramas .

Original poster
teletubs · 03/12/2025 07:08

I’m glad I’m not being out of order, I just don’t want any awkwardness by declining, I wish they hadn’t asked lol

OP posts:
3678194b · 03/12/2025 07:12

No, most of the neighbours are of my parents' generation and no one socialises. At most it might be a quick hello on passing.

If you don't feel comfortable, don't go.

curious79 · 03/12/2025 07:17

Yes v good friends. Socialise, weekends away, even couple of holidays
But same age and stage, same age children, so that helped

Strollorweight · 03/12/2025 07:18

If you mean socialise

why not just ask “do you socialise with your neighbours”?

no

Strollorweight · 03/12/2025 07:19

Leave some Christmas biscuits outside front door with a Christmas card thanking them for invite but you aren’t able to join. And wishing them a happy Christmas

Zempy · 03/12/2025 07:20

Dear God no.

Nsky62 · 03/12/2025 07:20

Used to few years ago, times changed adon’t now

tripleginandtonic · 03/12/2025 07:20

FracasFracas · 03/12/2025 06:53

Just tell them the truth. You’re autistic and find socialising exhausting. Thank them for the invitation.

This. Or maybe give it a go; you might surprise yourself and enjoy it.

Financial · 03/12/2025 07:21

Don’t socialise but stop for a chat or have a drink if we see them in the pub.

The other side we ignore completely

iSage · 03/12/2025 07:23

No, never have gone beyond 'Hello, nice weather today' interactions with neighbours. I would be a bit wary of a very close friendship on my doorstep in case we fell out. I wouldn't mind a casual friendship, but it's never panned out that way.

TappyGilmore · 03/12/2025 07:23

No. We smile and say hello, we sometimes stop for a chat, in our last house we even exchanged Christmas presents and Lunar New Year gifts, but we do not go into each other’s houses. (Except my cat lol, she’s definitely been known to go in. Without an invitation.)

Sailininthechoppa · 03/12/2025 07:27

Never.
One side I don't even talk to if I pass them on the street as they're a pain. I use to try to be nice but gave up.

There's a WhatsApp group of another four of us for random stuff. I usually don't see them for weeks at time though.

TootsMaHoots · 03/12/2025 07:34

No and I wouldn’t want to because I don’t want to have to think about other people when I’m at home. I don’t want people coming around unexpectedly and like you I wouldn’t want to start ‘a thing’.

I wouldn’t mind making new friends but not with people who live right there.

ItsNearlyChristmasAndIHavntBoughtAThing · 03/12/2025 07:34

When we lived in our first house, we did and lived to regret it. They took advantage on more than one occasion and were just really weird. We used to have drinks together at Xmas and when one year we couldn’t do it as our children were ill, they told us to leave the kids with a babysitter, and when we refused, they took a strop and didn’t speak to us for weeks.

When we moved to our next house, we were friendly but kept our distance. We did the normal saying hello and taking parcels in when they weren’t home but no socialising. Even so, two neighbours still tried to take advantage, ask too much etc. So when we moved again, we picked a house with no neighbours and it’s lovely. 😂

Last week I had to listen to my sister moan about elderly neighbours expecting her to get shopping for them, find them an electrician and book their relatives a hotel for Xmas. She finds it hard to say no as they bake biscuits for her children. They make her feel guilty by saying they have no one else and then ask if the children liked the biscuits. I’ve met them and find them really manipulative. My sister planning on moving next year and has said she’ll be strictly on a hello basis only. 😬

I would advise keeping it to small chats and taking in parcels.

snoopythebeagle · 03/12/2025 07:43

No and I wouldn’t want to either. My home is my sanctuary (I’m autistic too!).

Friendlyfart · 03/12/2025 07:48

We used to in our old (small) road. One had same aged kids to us so we’d hang out, another babysat for DC, one had Xmas drinks, one we knew for years so we’d pop in for a coffee occasionally.
It did change after a while and we moved anyway. In fact when we got here our immediate neighbours were really friendly and invited us round, but they moved shortly after. Now we’ve got a twat of a neighbour so it’s just a ‘good morning/afternoon’ if we see him. Two doors down are nice but have young kids so always busy!

RampantIvy · 03/12/2025 07:52

Yes, we are friendly with all of our neighbours. We really lucked out and get on well with all of them. I regularly chat over the fence with one neighbour and am good friends and socialise with a couple of other neighbours. It's one reason I don't want to move house.

The houses in our square were built nearly 30 years ago. Two neighbours are the first and only owners. We are the second owners of ours and the other neighbour is the third owner. People like it so much here that they stay.

Most of the residents in our road are retired and are quiet and well behaved.

ForFunGoose · 03/12/2025 07:57

We have neighbours who invite everyone around one night a year for drinks and snacks.Nobody else does it and it’s been happening 12 years. I think you can go, bring a nice bottle of wine or flowers and not invite them back. Up to them if they ask ye again next year. I over think things but some people just like hosting and it’s nice to show up for them too.

Gettingbysomehow · 03/12/2025 07:58

4 of my neighbours on my small row of houses are retired and lovely. They don't interfere in my life but are there for a chat when we both feel like it.
The new neighbours next door I detest. The woman is ok I suppose but her cocklodger partner is revolting.
Smokes 60 a day which stinks my house out, dark brown teeth, doesn't work and smells like a tramp. I can't understand what she sees in him. Its a scraping the bottom of the barrel relationship.

Runnersandtoms · 03/12/2025 07:59

No but I think we are seen as the antisocial ones is our little cul de sac because some of the others do socialise. I used to with one neighbours when our kids were small (we met when both pregnant) but grew apart because the kids went to different schools and life got busy. We have new neighbours one side who made some comment to my husband about not having been invited round yet. But they haven't invited us either. And frankly I have enough actual friends I don't have time to meet up with to waste time socialising with the new neighbours. Plus DH actually is antisocial lol.

We are polite, say hello, help out when there's a problem, very ocassionally might ask for help eg moving a fridge, take in parcels, feed pets if asked etc. But not sitting down for a drink together.

Velveletteslonleylonelygirlami · 03/12/2025 08:04

Nope ,two of them are pot heads amongst other gear they take.
Rest of the neighbours are pleasant enough but big age gap as were 20,30 years older only one neighbour ages with us.

Itisatruthuniversallyacknowledged · 03/12/2025 08:04

When I was a kid (in the 90s) we had a lovely couple in our street who invited everyone over for Christmas drinks and nibbles. The rest of the year we would chat in the street to them sometimes, but no other socialising.

I think do what you’re comfy with - if you want to accept their invite but not reciprocate by having them in your house sometime that’s perfectly okay. If you don’t want to go at all that’s okay too. Assume they’ve simply invited you because they’d like your company and don’t overcomplicate it.