Are you friendly with neighbours, by friendly I mean socialise ?

[teletubs]

We’ve never been ones to go round the neighbours houses and be friends in that way, we’ve always chatted etc our the front and helped each other out when needed but that’s as far as it goes really.

We’ve just moved into our new house, the neighbours seem really nice, they got us a moving in gift (some wine and chocolates) which I thought was really nice of them. But now they’ve text asking us to go around for a drink over Christmas and I’m panicking 😆 I am autistic and just can’t cope with the thought of having people in my house, I like my own company, I get really anxious having to mask and just hate when I’m interacting with people having to be so self aware of myself. I can be outgoing and chatty, but it takes work on my part and I feel exhausted afterwards.

I really don’t want to start off a thing where if we accept the invitation then we would be expected to then have them round ours etc and on it goes.

AIBU?

I've never regularly socialised with any sets of neighbours, but it has been fairly common over the years to invite a new neighbour in to welcome them to the road, and introduce ourselves and get to know them a little bit.
It doesn't leave any expectancy after that for further / reciprocal invitations though - it is a one off.

The road I live in now has one family that have a MacMillan Coffee morning each year they invite people too and another family that have one for Dementia Care or Dementia Research - but, again, they are pleased if people can go (they are fundraisers after all) but there is no expectation to invite anyone back to yours. Over the years, various people have invited us for 'Christmas Drinks' which has been nice, but there is no 'turn taking' about it.

However , in you case, I'd take the advice from something like the 3rd reply
Just tell them the truth. You’re autistic and find socialising exhausting. Thank them for the invitation.

I used to socialise with neighbours when I was younger (20s 30s) but no longer. Since then Ive had some bad neighbours and learned to avoid them. I dont supply phone numbers even when asked. Most of my neighbours dont even know my name which is not available on the public electoral register. I have as little intereaction with them as possible. The less you see of them the less drama.

We have neighbours that have a yearly get-together. Awkward because DH and I are more introverted and we also have a toddler and no one else does. I don’t enjoy it very much tbh.

We live in a very small street, we are friendly neighbours, take out bins if someone is away on ‘bin day,’ take in parcels etc but we don’t socialise with each other, it would be very awkward if we fell out eg! We would all definitely help out though if needed.

No, never have been past a friendly hello and maybe a quick conversation.

Had a new neighbour move in next door about a month ago, haven’t spoken to them yet.

I do agree it would be nice to properly introduce ourselves, I have already written out a Christmas card so I might get some Prosecco to go with it and knock on, and go from there basically !

Yeah I think this .

I'm closest to the lady next door. We have a quick chat if we're passing in and out. My other neighbour is an elderly man who had a stroke. He has carers going in and out throughout the day. But I didn't know him very well even before he had the stroke. I just smile and exchange pleasantries with the rest. I've heard a lot of stories about issues with neighbours - neighbours who were previously friends falling out, or neighbours who are over-friendly and intrusive and become a nuisance. If you think you could manage an hour at your neighbour's house, it might be nice. There's no obligation on you to reciprocate. Just have an excuse ready for when you've had enough socialising and you want to head home.

Yes used to with our old neighbours before they moved. Exactly as you described - go to each others a few times a year for drinks and a catch up. New neighbours - friendly but no we don’t socialise. Just depends on the people and personalities.

If you find social situations difficult then I think its best to be up front so that the potentially freindly neighbours know its nothing they have done to cause offence. I would tell them that "Its nothing personal but Im not into neighbouring. Im autistic and find social occasions very difficult. I do hope you understand."

If the neighbour does not understand then its a fault in them. I think the direct way is more kind and honest than just putting them off.