Are you friendly with neighbours, by friendly I mean socialise ?

[teletubs]

We’ve never been ones to go round the neighbours houses and be friends in that way, we’ve always chatted etc our the front and helped each other out when needed but that’s as far as it goes really.

We’ve just moved into our new house, the neighbours seem really nice, they got us a moving in gift (some wine and chocolates) which I thought was really nice of them. But now they’ve text asking us to go around for a drink over Christmas and I’m panicking 😆 I am autistic and just can’t cope with the thought of having people in my house, I like my own company, I get really anxious having to mask and just hate when I’m interacting with people having to be so self aware of myself. I can be outgoing and chatty, but it takes work on my part and I feel exhausted afterwards.

I really don’t want to start off a thing where if we accept the invitation then we would be expected to then have them round ours etc and on it goes.

AIBU?

I take in parcels for neighbours both sides ,might exchange a hello & 2 sentence conversation if out the front at same time but that’s it , Just how I like it lol

We’ve never crossed the threshold of our neighbour’s house, but we have a full set of their keys “just in case”. Initially it was just to help facilitate getting their tradesman in, but when we offered them back months later they asked if we could keep them.

They're superficially lovely people but it blows my mind they have left their keys with us!

Good god no

Love it. So easy to get home afterwards. Kids used to love it too, big gaggle of neighbourhood kids. My Ngh get it that theres no pressure to keep it up - we turn down more of each others invites than we accept - but we’ve been ngh for 25 years.

Not regularly, but yes, sometimes.

I think being friendly with neighbours is wonderful. We do socialise about once or twice a year, but it's great to know there are people you can call on in an emergency. Be as friendly as you want, but I wouldn't push people away.

No I hate them. They smoke dope all the time which makes my house stink. They've been abusive to both me and my sister, calling her husband a
' nonce ' when he was just looking over the fence because the wire fence he had put up had collapsed because of a pallet they had leant against it and their aggressive dog had come into my garden and was defacating on my lawn

I had a dress delivered and the delivery company posted a picture showing that it has been delivered to said neighbours. When I went round there, they said they'd sent it back to the company. Didn't bother to let me know they had it. Was a nightmare trying to tell NewLook what had happened as there was a photo of it being deluvered. I'm at my wits end to know how to deal with them anymore. The guy is a drug addict and really aggressive. They've now put up a covered area right outside my back door where they smoke dope so I wake up in The morning and my bathroom and living room stinks of dope.

I'd like to call the police but they wouldn't do anything and I'm genuinely scared of how aggressive and irrational the man is. Really gets me down tbh. My sister complained to the Housing Association who owns the house when they stayed there in May when I was away but nothing has happened, apart from the guy having a go at me about it. It's ruining my life, I never go out in my garden in the summer. So stressed and depressed about it.

Sorry for the rant.

I dont know my NDNs i say hi when passing if i see them thats it.
Most in my area keep to themselfs.

I’m chatty with both sides but in all honesty haven’t invited them round- nor they us - actually I will ask the lady next door as she was widowed this year having had a very rough time and is a lovely lady in her early 70s I Would say

Same here.
we went round to both neighbours when moved over ten years ago.
one Side were abit awkward , during covid we shopped for each and now she one of my best friends

only socialise maybe once or twice a year though.
we have been out with the other side but not for about 18 months.
Fabulous neighbours
id go round for half an hour.
it’s really about introducing yourselves , not a life cling commitment.

I understand when it’s put like Introducing ourselves, we’ve just never had to do that anywhere else we’ve lived ! And we’ve lived a fair few places over the years. It’s always been conversations outside, I’ve always been friendly as I am a genuinely a nice person, I’m just awkward ! I would spend a month going over absolutely everything I’d said and tying myself in knots. I know I must sound pathetic, it’s just who I am though, I struggle even talking to my mum and dad sometimes

That’s really kind of them, you could gratefully accept but say you can only stay for one. Go, if you’re stuck what to say ask people questions about themselves, most people don’t get to talk about themselves so will happily speak, then finish your drink and say you have to leave. You might enjoy it.
If you really don’t want to, thank them but gratefully decline amd wish them a merry Christmas.

Yes we do!

they are all older and retired but were lovely when our daughter was born. Loads of gifts and cards on the front door and they took turns to stop in during the first 6-7 weeks. I didn’t ask. I would be so surprised when I opened the front door and they even more so when I said it was ok to come in they were like just wanted to leave gift/food/flowers on the door step and invited them in apologising for my state.
they often offered to walk out dog too (with theirs) during those early days.

it’s a year since and if I am going out with the buggy and the dog and I see one of them I always ask if DDog wants to come along..,
we host drinks on Boxing Day. Neighbours with dogs, kids etc all invited.

I go over with a drink, as a gift for them, and explain that you really appreciate their offer but you have autism and struggle to socialise. Let them know you aren’t being rude but you find it hard. Give the gift and leave

We live in a close of 5 houses. Never socialised with the neighbours, but have chatted with them. The last person to move into the road was me in with dh in 2007. We all look out for each other and two of us have CCTV which covers the road.

Don’t panic, OP. They’re just being neighbourly as you’re new. Pop round for a Christmas drink but keep it short, I’m sure it’s just intended as a drop in anyway. You don’t have to reciprocate and you’ll probably find you won’t have a lot to do with each other the rest of the year.

There’s a lot to be said for keeping some boundaries in place. The expression “good fences make good neighbours” means something.

People always start with good intentions but life gets in the way. It’s quite nice to be on friendly terms with neighbours but it doesn’t need to be more than exchanging pleasantries when you see them and taking in the odd parcel for each other.

No socialising but we do chat to some of them and can ask them to keep an eye on the house if we go away , take bins out etc .
The ones either side of us are at different stages and already have many friends ( we are new to the area ) so would not think to include us when they do have gatherings

It's good when neighbours reach out to new ones. Where else would you get a community?

No. No way. Too much of a risk of things going wrong/falling out with each other, and then your home becomes a living hell, as you're living next door to your enemy.

Even if you don't fall out, it can become oppressive, and too much, having a BFF next door (or in the same street/road.) Just popping in randomly, unexpected and uninvited. Noooooo. I like to meet my mates in a neutral place, for a pub lunch, a coffee, or a trip around the shops... I do NOT like people in my home. I hate not knowing when they're going to leave.

Our home was a free for all for about 16-17 years when our DC were little/at school, and their mates were often popping in, and stayed over/for sleepovers, and their mums came to pick them up, and would stop half an hour for a coffee and a chat. Extended family would 'pop in' too 3-4 times a month. For about 5 years, my 2 of my DC's cousins (almost the same age as them,) spent half their waking hours at our house!

Our DC grew up, went to Uni, and left home a decade ago, and we moved 35-40 miles away from our home/home town... (They live 15-20 miles from us now... and we see them 2-3 times a month.) Most extended family have died or moved away, parents have died, and our social circle is much smaller. And we like peace and tranquility, and HATE visitors. DC and their partners are always welcome of course.

Anyone else though... neutral ground please. (I don't much like going to other peoples homes either.) Been like this since I was about 48-50, and so has DH, so like 10-11 years. #sorrynotsorry, I love our cosy quiet home, small social circle, and our calm, stress free life!!!

IDGAF what anyone thinks about this by the way. (Some people on MN don't GET this...) But it's no-one else's business how I (and DH) live.

Edited to add: DH and I get on with our neighbours - all 7 lots in our part of the street, and chat on the driveways, and when we're on walks around the village, and swap Christmas cards, and would help in an emergency. But that's where it stops.

.

Not everyone wants or needs a community (any more than they already have with family and existing friends).
Our home is our sanctuary. Hello in the hall or lift, fine. Constant invites and pressure to join committees, associations, not fine.

@MrsSkylerWhite YES to that! ^

No.

My neighbours are perfectly nice people, I am always polite & civil to them but that’s as far as it goes. I value & protect my own privacy and I always respect their privacy. I have never been inside their house, they have never been inside mine. I don’t want to be friends with them and I certainly don’t want to socialise with them.

I used to be very friendly with a lady who lived a few doors up - when she moved in she had a bad leg, and I walked her dog for her (I love dogs and it was in lockdown so it was an “activity”!). We would often go for coffee or lunch together, sit out in one of our gardens with a glass of wine on a sunny Saturday afternoon, she was a good bit older than me and lived alone, and I continued to walk the dog regularly. She moved away last year and we still keep in contact - I miss her being our neighbour!

Otherwise I am on good terms with people and eg fed next door’s cats when he was away, happily take in parcels and so on, but don’t really socialise beyond a chat in the street. I’m comfortable that if DP was away and something happened there are people around I could call though. I had to call on one tall neighbour to help me with a very high ceiling light that had gone and I couldn’t reach even with a ladder a couple of years back. DP tends to be less sociable than me but has been the called on tall neighbour for other people on occasion.

We have a very friendly neighborhood but we don't really socialise together.

It works really well. We help each other with bringing bins out, packages in, snow removal etc and we are there for funerals etc. but no dinners out together or parties in each others homes. Just really good neighbours in the best sense of the word.

Op, pop round with a bunch of flowers, say I'm sorry we can't come to your do, we already have something planned. They aren't to know it's a bit of telly:)

We say good morning, wave, chat occasionally, take in parcels.
To the poster who is lonely, go onto fb and join a local society, like the gardening club or walking. Having a friendly dog is good too, as you meet other dog walkers.

Otherwise no, we are very reserved. In about 4 years we might know their names. No rush! We are know as Mr and Mrs ( house number) we get Christmas cards from no 3 to no 9 :)