Do you have someone in your life that will just argue over any comment?

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 2025-12-02T10:50:21+00:00

I’m really laid back, so I just say things like “quite right” and smile but SIL is just impossible sometimes. I went to a gig at an old haunt of mine last night, SIL popped round this morning and I made a joke about how there are items in my medicine cabinet older than some of the other people there. ”There aren’t though, are there? You don’t have items 18 years old. If you did, they would make you sick.” The tiler is here, doing some work on the kitchen, we were talking about the tiles we chose, again, I was making a joke about them being easier than the hexagonal ones I originally wanted. ”They aren’t really though, are they? He’s still having to make cuts for the pattern. Anyway, are you saying he’s not good enough to do anything more complicated?” They were both this morning. She only popped in to drop off a birthday card for dh. MIL finds it really bloody exhausting too, but she said she’s been trying to pull her up on it for 40 years, so now she just zones out as well. Dh just sort of glazes over and says he thinks about work instead while she’s talking. It’s everything! Christmases are just one big round of fun, “that’s not the nicest scarf ever though is it, dad? You’re telling me that M&S is nicer than Hermes? That would be news to them.” Just a lighthearted thread by the way. The woman was an angel when I was really ill and we adore her, just wondering if anyone else had a family member who could pick a fight in an empty room?

cocoloco12 · 02/12/2025 10:53

Sounds exhausting. I too would just glaze over aswell! Unfortunately it's one of those things though she probably just can't help.

NuffSaidSam · 02/12/2025 10:54

It sounds like she can't cope with any kind of joke/exaggeration, that she doesn't understand that kind of language. Everything needs to be literally true.

Does she argue about other stuff, more literal, factual statements?

Will she go along with Santa/tooth fairy for her kids? Does she ever make a joke or exaggerated in her language?

It is hard work!

Richelieu · 02/12/2025 10:55

That does sound exhausting, OP. I do have a family member a bit like this; he tends to be drainingly literal, but to be charitable, he’s not trying to pick a fight - it’s a compulsion to zero in on what he thinks is an inexactitude. It’s still bloody annoying, though!

DarkSunrise · 02/12/2025 10:56

She does sound hard work but is she actually trying to pick a fight? Or is she just very literal?

Is she like this in every conversation with everyone? Because if so it must make social interactions very hard.

Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 10:58

NuffSaidSam · 02/12/2025 10:54

It sounds like she can't cope with any kind of joke/exaggeration, that she doesn't understand that kind of language. Everything needs to be literally true.

Does she argue about other stuff, more literal, factual statements?

Will she go along with Santa/tooth fairy for her kids? Does she ever make a joke or exaggerated in her language?

It is hard work!

It’s everything. Say that the cheese you are eating is delicious, she will say, “no, you think it’s delicious. Other people might have different preferences and not like it.”

She doesn’t have children, she’s only ever been round on Christmas after mine have opened presents at the crack of dawn but I know my MIL gave her a stern talking to with things around the children.

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Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 10:59

DarkSunrise · 02/12/2025 10:56

She does sound hard work but is she actually trying to pick a fight? Or is she just very literal?

Is she like this in every conversation with everyone? Because if so it must make social interactions very hard.

She falls out with everyone.

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Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 11:04

It’s even things like, “pass the salt please”, she will say, “Don’t you realise how bad salt is for you?”
and launch into a speech about it.

If someone asks her if she takes sugar in her tea, it will provoke a similar reaction.

I rarely go out with her as it’s quite embarrassing in restaurants.

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Richelieu · 02/12/2025 11:04

OK, from the updates that’s more than being literal - it’s verging on pathological…

Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 11:06

Richelieu · 02/12/2025 11:04

OK, from the updates that’s more than being literal - it’s verging on pathological…

I really do like her though, she has some wonderful qualities.

It’a just the constant nitpicking of everything that gets to me sometimes. FIL will just walk out of the room if she starts on him, he’s given up telling her to chill out.

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Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 02/12/2025 11:07

My friend's DS is like this, He has autism and tends to hear every statement as absolutely literal.It is very wearing.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 02/12/2025 11:10

She does sound hard work OP. One of those in isolation a comment can be brushed off but with some people and the constant sniping it’s like death by a thousand cuts 😳

My mum has battled with depression in various degrees for as far back as I can remember. She has also until very recently refused to do anything to help herself (and even now it’s selective). We (me and dad, my younger brothers are fucking useless and use distance and the fact I don’t work to justify their lack of help) rally round to help give her support, do nice things for her and love her but boy, it’s mentally so hard being her mood punchbag. She drains the joy out of so many things but it’s like a piece of her enjoys the dynamic of sitting there static while everyone else tries to make it better.

Im sorry to offload - we had a awful weekend with it so your post rang true with me x

Aworldofmyown · 02/12/2025 11:10

My husband is like this, he cant help it so I ignore it most of the time.

thegirlwithapearl · 02/12/2025 11:12

My mum is like this. She's very literal, has to be right all the time, and still sees me as a child, which is a very wearing combination. Especially as she doesn't argue with anyone else apart from me. I'm just always wrong.

Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 11:17

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 02/12/2025 11:10

She does sound hard work OP. One of those in isolation a comment can be brushed off but with some people and the constant sniping it’s like death by a thousand cuts 😳

My mum has battled with depression in various degrees for as far back as I can remember. She has also until very recently refused to do anything to help herself (and even now it’s selective). We (me and dad, my younger brothers are fucking useless and use distance and the fact I don’t work to justify their lack of help) rally round to help give her support, do nice things for her and love her but boy, it’s mentally so hard being her mood punchbag. She drains the joy out of so many things but it’s like a piece of her enjoys the dynamic of sitting there static while everyone else tries to make it better.

Im sorry to offload - we had a awful weekend with it so your post rang true with me x

Edited

I’m so sorry you’ve had an awful weekend. That sounds draining.

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Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 11:18

thegirlwithapearl · 02/12/2025 11:12

My mum is like this. She's very literal, has to be right all the time, and still sees me as a child, which is a very wearing combination. Especially as she doesn't argue with anyone else apart from me. I'm just always wrong.

I think it makes it easier that it’s everyone, even retail workers, and not just me, so it’s not something I can take personally.

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Sprookjesbos · 02/12/2025 11:23

I see someone has commented similar, but this sounds so much like my autistic son! Difference is, he's only 8, and we've already managed to teach him that when someone says "Jimmy always wants to play tag", for example, it doesn't mean he literally never play a different game in his life, just that he wants to play it a lot of the time. Similar with "I've had the best time". Just means really good. It still annoys him, but he is gradually learning that picking on others language is rude!

Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 11:26

Sprookjesbos · 02/12/2025 11:23

I see someone has commented similar, but this sounds so much like my autistic son! Difference is, he's only 8, and we've already managed to teach him that when someone says "Jimmy always wants to play tag", for example, it doesn't mean he literally never play a different game in his life, just that he wants to play it a lot of the time. Similar with "I've had the best time". Just means really good. It still annoys him, but he is gradually learning that picking on others language is rude!

See with SIL, “Jimmy always wants to play tag” would be met with “always? I’m sure he doesn’t always want to play tag, he must want to play lots of different games.”

However, if you said, “Jimmy likes tag but he also likes hopscotch”, she would say, “but he likes tag best though, doesn’t he? Tag is his favourite, he’s always playing it. How do you know he likes hopscotch, have you seen him play?”

”I had the best time” would (and has been!) met with, “the best? Really, out of all the activities in the world, that was the best? We must call the newspapers.”

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Twirlyhockey · 02/12/2025 11:27

Literalism. Autism

Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 11:30

Twirlyhockey · 02/12/2025 11:27

Literalism. Autism

No, see my last reply. It’s not literalism. It’s just to argue.

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Dozycuntlaters · 02/12/2025 11:30

Yes, one of my friends husbands is like this. I asked her once, can you ever have a conversation with him where he doesn't challenge everything you say. She said no. He's also quite angry with it too sometimes. I have told her not to invite me over if he is going to be there as I just can't stand it.

Jeronnemo · 02/12/2025 11:31

Yep but I've cut her out of my life cos it's just exhausting and she is one massive pain in the arse. Everything is an argument. She has alienated herself from pretty much everyone in her life.

DoSomeWork · 02/12/2025 11:48

My DH is like this. He's can't be in a conversation without arguing.

It's tiring and means we don't communicate well because I can't talk about a bad day without him arguing with me that it's not so bad, or telling me what I did wrong, or whatever.

He has many good qualities, but emotionally supportive he is not.

I've heard it described as "oppositional confrontational style" (https://psychcentral.com/health/the-psychology-of-oppositional-conversational-style-ocs#what-is-ocs)

Oppositional Conversational Styles: Psychology, Examples, and How to Deal

Oppositional conversation style is a term used to describe a type of communication where a person contradicts everything you say. Here's how to deal with it.

https://psychcentral.com/health/the-psychology-of-oppositional-conversational-style-ocs#what-is-ocs

TheatricalLife · 02/12/2025 12:23

FIL sounds like he has it down. I couldn't be bothered to argue with her, I'd just leave the room. If you have to be in a room with her, I'd totally ignore any comments and carry on the conversation with someone else like you hadn't heard. The things she says don't really need a response anyway.

Original poster

Hellodarknessyouoldprick · 02/12/2025 12:47

TheatricalLife · 02/12/2025 12:23

FIL sounds like he has it down. I couldn't be bothered to argue with her, I'd just leave the room. If you have to be in a room with her, I'd totally ignore any comments and carry on the conversation with someone else like you hadn't heard. The things she says don't really need a response anyway.

Oh I do, I just smile. And if she’s really insistent with the “well? Do you?!!” Stuff, I just nod and agree with her. Life’s too short.

But man, I’ve had 16 years of this now, it does get under my skin sometimes.

Especially on days like today. She didn’t even make it past the hallway, she was here for less than ten minutes and it was relentless.

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LadyMacbethssweetArabianhand · 02/12/2025 12:53

My brother loves to argue with whatever is said. He does it with such a patronising tone too. "I think you'll find.." is how each sentence begins and I'm sucked into the argument! I have tried not to get involved but usually he's wrong and sometimes I can help it. Fortunately we don't socialise at all.