Do you have someone in your life that will just argue over any comment?

[Hellodarknessyouoldprick]

I’m really laid back, so I just say things like “quite right” and smile but SIL is just impossible sometimes.

I went to a gig at an old haunt of mine last night, SIL popped round this morning and I made a joke about how there are items in my medicine cabinet older than some of the other people there.

”There aren’t though, are there? You don’t have items 18 years old. If you did, they would make you sick.”

The tiler is here, doing some work on the kitchen, we were talking about the tiles we chose, again, I was making a joke about them being easier than the hexagonal ones I originally wanted.

”They aren’t really though, are they? He’s still having to make cuts for the pattern. Anyway, are you saying he’s not good enough to do anything more complicated?”

They were both this morning. She only popped in to drop off a birthday card for dh.

MIL finds it really bloody exhausting too, but she said she’s been trying to pull her up on it for 40 years, so now she just zones out as well. Dh just sort of glazes over and says he thinks about work instead while she’s talking.

It’s everything! Christmases are just one big round of fun, “that’s not the nicest scarf ever though is it, dad? You’re telling me that M&S is nicer than Hermes? That would be news to them.”

Just a lighthearted thread by the way. The woman was an angel when I was really ill and we adore her, just wondering if anyone else had a family member who could pick a fight in an empty room?

Yeah, I've seen all your replies - my diagnosis would be a tendency to literalism that maybe comes with autism or similar traits at least - and then because she doesn't understand herself well, she is in a perpetual state of irritation with the world. Instead of processing that she reacts oppositionally.

This woman screams neurodivergence.

"Ahem.. but I think you'll find she's not literally screaming".

I’d come up with a standard catchphrase and use it every time - eg of the top of my head ‘oh I see the contradiction police are out today’. Then refuse to engage further on it. ‘Oh I know you like playing contradiction bingo but it bores the crap out of me’. She carries on : but what do you think? ‘I think you need to learn your contradiction games are boring’. Maybe you could find an appropriate song and start singing it when she starts. The point is, you start to irritate her as much as she irritates you. Should act as a disincentive and at least you don’t get drawn into the discussion

Oh god, SIL says that too! “I think you’ll find…”, or she will roll her eyes and say, “No, actually….”

Sometimes she is completely wrong, especially when she tries is with say, retail staff, who funnily enough, know thier jobs and workplaces better than she does.

I can see how people would see some traits.

Dh works in SEN and when people have asked if she’s is ND, he’s aways just said, no, she’s just one of life’s arseholes (she’s his older sister so he’s had this his whole life!)

Her husband died a few years ago and he was just the sweetest man. He used to just smile through it all. Cause of death was cardiac arrest, MIL insists it was henpecked to death.

My friend does this. In her case I believe it's an attempt to be right so that you are wrong. I feel it's connected to proving her intelligence (which is limited to be fair).
On some level she knows she isn't particularly bright.
In common with your SIL she has lots of good traits.

Sincere sympathy. You have my brother in female form! What makes it worse is, he will pronounce on any subject, childbirth, parenting, work, etc. He hasn't worked for decades and was funded by my mum. He lived with my parents for years and to my knowledge, hasn't been in a relationship for years and years. But he knows everything!

He threw a massive tantrum in a charity shop when the assistant told him he couldn't donate mum's personal care items. He threw them on the floor and stalked out. Despite family members who were NHS telling him it was a health and safety issue, he knew better. "I think you'll find I am completely correct..."
He's an idiot

A close friend has a tendency toward this but he also has a sense of humour, so 99% of the time the conversation can go,

DFr: I think you’ll find that …

Me: I don’t give a fuck.
or
Me: Do I care about this? You’re just saying words at me now.
or
Me: Be quiet. For the love of God you sound like Uncle fecking Colm

and he will laugh and join in with the banter.

Well I've got three teenage boys with autism so, yeah. Arguing the toss is their favourite pastime. Arguing the toss with each other, me or a blank wall, arguing over whether someone is correct to be annoyed by the arguing.

Sometimes I welcome when they try to lift each other off the floor and it descends into rolling around on top of each other as it's less stressful.... until they start arguing over who actually won and there's an argument over how close to the ceiling counts.

I would have to go and live in the shed.

I only have to see SIL a couple of times a week, so I get a break!

I have a BIL like that. Never, ever agrees with anything, always a negative word to say about everyone and everything. Unfortunately my niece, his daughter has inherited that side of his personality. She was very hard work as a baby and continuously since. She can be a lovely young woman as long as you stay on very neutral topics but she has to argue about everything. It's such hard work.

To be fair to her though, I was bracing myself for it when I became ill.

But she did a 180. I thought she would be an absolute arse to medical staff, but she wasn’t at all. It was like she had a personality transplant, she was just wonderful, I couldn’t have asked for anyone to care for me better, she dropped everything.

So she can not do it. It’s not something she can’t control. So I think she just likes being an arsehole.

Then I got better and wham. Back into arsehole mode, god love her.

Oh Christ yeah I've got one of these, also a SIL, I find it so fucking irritating!

You literally can't say anything without her contradicting or questioning you, it's exhausting. If you say the sky is blue she'll argue about it. Like yours she absolutely can turn it off too, she seems to just enjoy being a contrarian.

I've taken to just looking at her for a beat when she does it then carrying on my conversation as if she didn't say anything. It clearly winds her up but I don't care, let her be wound up, she annoys everyone around her so I'm allowed to annoy her back 😁

I've come across people like this. My old next door neighbour was one. You could say the blandest thing to her and she'd contradict you and say the opposite.

It's nothing to do with autism. Autistic people can be pedantic and like to correct incorrect facts, but we hate arguing and don't do it deliberately. These oppositional people can't seem to exist without doing it.

Oh yes DH isn't autistic, he's just an argumentative nobhead sometimes. Like PPs have said, he is capable of not doing it, but it's like it's his default mode. I just roll my eyes or nod and stop talking these days, or overexaggerate "oh yes, of course you must be right, silly old me..." Like I said, he does have other redeeming qualities, thank god!

I think I recognise her as a poster on MN - people like that kill the thread!

Sounds like my sister… she would argue with me if I said the sky is blue!!! I’ve recently gone LC as I’m sick of her trying to put me down to attempt to make herself look better… it’s low self-ester but that doesn’t mean she gets a free pass to constantly argue with me…. I’m dreading Christmas… at least your MIL pulls her up my mum babies my sister … over it

MiL and husband are both a bit like that. Ask a simple question that requires a yes or no answer and they blow up. My in-laws went on holiday to Norway and brought back a lovely, warm jumper for my husband. All i did was ask if it was machine washable and she went mental, screamed at me 'don't you dare put that jumper in the washing machine, you'll ruin it!'

My mum has to argue - pick fault - with basically anything I say.

It's not that she has to be literal like OP's example.

It's more that she assumes anything I'm doing is somehow wrong, child-like or just poorly planned.
For example, the other week, I mentioned in passing that our dining room carpet is manky but getting it cleaned is a massive pain for a few different reasons. She had a rebuttal to every single reason as if I just hadn't properly thought it through. I had.

She comes from the assumption that me and DP are still undergraduate students muddling through a semi-adult life, rather than two educated, professional 40-year olds who've managed to craft very successful adult lives over the past twenty years. Therefore she has suggestions for every single situation in our life. These suggestions are absolutely not needed and so come across as argumentative.

She sounds like a robot.

Yes my husband is like this but not as extreme. He wouldn’t do the cheese example for instance. But anything else has to turn into a debate and he won’t have it that some people just don’t have an opinion on absolutely everything.

He also corrects and questions me in front of other people and finds it hard to understand why I might not go into detail of the whys and wherefore with a colleague in the supermarket! As such I do avoid a lot of conversation as it’s downright exhausting. Yes I have told him - but of course he argues and tell me I’m wrong

Yours sounds extreme. But I definitely see elements of my SIL here too. Your salt example is the sort of thing we have - it's like if you have a differnt opinion to her, she gets almost defensive about it. We nearly had a huge fall out a few years ago because ther ewas one of those social media rumours whizzing around about a child who had supposedly had someone try to grab her while walking to school in a white van. The whole story was a bit off and it seemed obvious it had been a family member or something. Anyway, either way, I wasn't panicking enough about it and was still allowing DS to walk to and from school alone even though I was aware that there were peopel out there trying to grab children. She was absolutely livid that I wasn't panicking.

DH sometimes will ask the DC, "who's this" then do some totally weirdly aggressive talking like, "no, I don't want to eat scrambled eggs, I don't even like stcrambled eggs" and they'll both shout "Aunty P".

Or she'll ask your opinion but if it's not the answer she wants she'll get really argumentative about it. And it's always about somethign I just don't care about. "Do you prefer the blue paint or the green paint for this room?" Me: "oh, they're both nice but I think maybe the blue? But both are great so what do you prefer?" Her: "but the green paint is much calmer and more relazing and you know, I really need a calm space and I just don't think I can face the blue paint....." in a very aggressive toine. It's exhausting.

My DS is like this and DH makes no allowance whatsoever for the fact that he is a) a teen and b) has autism and adhd. Dh could say its going to rain tonight and DS will say it might not, you dont know that for sure.. and then the two of them will kick off. Stupid pointless arguments over nothing. Its improving a bit as dh is learning when to shut up and walk away. Ds can be relentless though. He could argue black is white and will not let it go. My stomach sinks a little when he comes through the door every day.

My dad is incredibly argumentative and is always falling out with people. He doesn't seem to understand that people having an opinion or view is not the same as them stating a fact.

I was participating in an outdoor event the next day and the forecast was for wind and heavy rain. I said it was a shame as the bad weather might put some people off going to watch. He told me I couldn't say that because I didn't know for sure, I don't know how other people will think, the weather might turn out nice etc.

Also mentioned how a public service in a country I had just visited was better than in the UK and I wished the UK government would do the same, but I couldn't see it happening as it would be too costly. He told me I couldn't say that because I didn't know what the government may or may not decide to do, they might decide to implement the better service even if it is costly.

Lots of similar examples where I've expressed an opinion and he seems to think I'm presenting it as a fact and he has to challenge it. I've tried so many times to explain that I'm not saying I know XYZ will or won't definitely happen, just that I think it will/won't.

It's so draining. I don't see him often and I forget how easy it is to get sucked into his arguments. By the end of the visit I'm having to preface everything with caveats, so my passing comment about the weather is turned into "I'm not saying this is what everyone will do, and I could be completely wrong, so I'm not saying this is definitely going to happen as it might not, but given the bad weather forecast there is a moderate chance that there will be fewer spectators at the event tomorrow. Or maybe not. Who knows?". Uuugh.

He genuinely doesn't think he's argumentative though and claims he doesn't like confrontation. When I list off all the people he's fallen out with he says he hasn't fallen out with them, they've fallen out with him. He's blameless, of course 🙄