To attend shower with newborn…

[Mumtobe2025x3]

Hi all,
I have a new born baby who is 23 days old. It’s my friend’s baby shower tomorrow and I feel really anxious about whether to attend or not. I cannot leave my son with his dad alone yet as I’m not ready to leave him and my husband (who is brilliant, isn’t ready I feel to be on his own).
My friend doesn’t have an expectation of me to come but I am a people pleaser and I feel bad if I don’t go as she came to my shower, helped decorate and do things and got me lovely gifts and I’d feel awful if I didn’t go.
The shower is in a hall just for two hours with around 30 people I think roughly. I don’t want anyone holding him which I won’t allow other than my friend, but I’m also worried about germs and virus due to the time of year.

I currently have a sore throat and cold which he had obviously been exposed to.

I have suffered with the baby blues quite bad so I’ve been going out alot since he was about 12 days old to get out the house which makes me feel better, so he has been to a garden centre and couple of restaurants for lunch so been out and about. But I feel like in a small hall with people circulating may be a bit unsafe for him. I do feel anxious taking him places but always make sure they’re well ventilated areas and I don’t do anything I’m not comfortable with.
I am fine not going because I feel a lot better that I’ve been going out so I don’t feel I need to go tomorrow for my own mental health, but more so I feel bad on my friend, but also worried it’s too early and I’m exposing my newborn in an environment with people missing.

Any advice!?

At 23 days DC2 had been to a busy London museum, a toddler's birthday party and moved house.

You'll both be fine to go.

This.

You can just stand on the side and show your face.

But if you’re happily going out and about (as you should be!), not sure why this event is an issue. Surely a hall is more airy and spacious than a restaurant?

The mum to be wants her there though

“In regards to people thinking I’m insulting my husband because I don’t want to leave him alone yet is because my husband does not feel confident in some areas and that’s totally ok. Our baby is suffering bad trapped wind and my husband cannot settle him so this falls to me.”

So you’re already setting the bar low for your husband’s parenting skills. He won’t learn or have confidence if you never let him. This is where men start to withdraw and when you get to the messy manic toddler stage and you’re left doing everything while he’s at the gym, just remember this is where the rot starts.

And as for the baby shower, you clearly don’t want to go so just admit it and don’t bother.

I am really saddened to see people being so uncaring, there’s just no need.

OP some people really feel the baby blues and it’s really hard. Sending lots of strength.

I barely went out in the first 6 weeks with my first as I didn’t want to and that’s ok! It’s what we needed to do and was in the depth of December. My second we were on the school run day 5 but I felt ok to do that.

I didn’t leave my daughter with DH without me in the house until she was about 9 months. He looked after her, did night wakes, baths etc etc, but was bf and I didn’t want to leave her. She’s a perfectly well adjusted tween now and he’s a brilliant Dad, this is just a snippet of the grand picture. Everyone does it their own way.

As a friend I would hope she could be understanding if it’s too much right now for whatever reason.

Prioritise your mental health at this time and take care. 💐

If you’ve told your friend that you have a cold and she’s totally fine with it then I’d go. Baby in the sling so they’re not available for cuddles and you can always pop out early if it gets a bit much. It really isn’t a big deal and it’s probably one of those times where if you force yourself to go you’ll feel better for it.

I'm sure everyone will understand if you can't make considering you have a 23 day old newborn. Call your friend and just explain to her your reasoning and express a wish to catch up with her in the near future with both new babies which will be a lovely moment in itself anyway.

‘Dear friend, I’m still feeling really rough so I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it, it’s so disappointing! Would love to treat you to a coffee in a few days when I’ve shifted it. Love OP’.

I currently have a sore throat and cold

Then stay at home! Please don't spray germs at a room full of people if you've got the option not to.

As for your husband not being ready to look after his own baby for 2 hours-really?!

I think that if you dont feel happy about going ,then its fine to miss it or go for a short while .You have only just given birth and are understandably feeling anxious. Friend probably understands and will be similar to you soon anyway!

Well, do you want to go, or not?

If the issue is taking your newborn, yes take your newborn. Perfectly fine.

If you’re feeling too fragile, also fine not to go.

I think if you’ve got a cold, and feeling fragile, I think you should stay home.

It’s one day, one event. I think you’re being far too hard on yourself and your choices about going OP. Just make the decision that is best for your and your little one. It really can be that black and white