Handing in my notice tomorrow…

[BurntOutHag]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in Work/Health/AIBU etc - so sorry if it’s in the wrong place!

I wondered if anyone had any gentle advice or soothing words for me, or maybe just a ‘yeah, go for it!’…as I am totally frazzled and finding it hard to think straight.

Short-ish version: I am handing in my notice tomorrow with no job to go to.

Children’s social care manager, 49 yrs old, been doing this role for about 10 years, utterly burnt out.

Over the past year things at work have become unmanageable. The usual shit - cuts to services, staff shortages, people off sick left, right and centre with stress., relentless high workload. I am a ‘high performer’ and my area is apparently ‘Outstanding’ following recent inspection…but this is all at great personal cost.

I have been constantly ill for 18 months - UTIs, migraines, flu, shingles. My blood pressure is now very high despite being on the low side my entire life and being tee-total, non smoker, slim, fairly active. My whole body aches and I’m having physiotherapy for neck issues caused by stress. I’m perimenopausal, so there is that, but I am not experiencing any of the extreme symptoms of that - sleep is OK (but struggle to get enough working 10-12 hours days) and I haven’t lost my confidence, still feel capable.

I just feel I have hit a wall. I come home at night and I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point I can’t really speak. All I can do is sit in silence staring at the telly but not really taking it in, until it’s time to sleep. I’m not prepared to ‘go off sick’ as the stakes are so high in my sector and I just cannot do that to my colleagues or service users…but I cannot go on like this and I cannot see myself going into my 50s living like this.

DH has wanted me to jack it in for a couple of years, as he worries about my health. He could comfortably support us indefinitely, but I don’t want that…but a year off? Time to re-set and decide how I am going to live a less insane life going into old age? It’s a no brainer, isn’t it?

Last minute crisis of confidence. I realise I am very lucky that DH is able to support me for a bit and is supportive. I can’t think of a single reason to stay apart from my pension, which isn’t great anyway and I’m sure could be worked out when I have more headspace to think about alternative ways of earning money….but it’s scary!

What do you reckon? Would you do it?

You only have one life to live, in your shoes I would 100% do it! Is there anything you'd like to pursue? I'd you can survive on your DH salary, even volunteer somewhere.
Life shouldn't be about survival from one weekend to the next.

I was in your position teaching, a decade ago. I took a year and tried to enjoy the freedom without feeling guilty about it

I now have a business that just about replaces my lecturing salary. It's something I didn't know existed until I saw it on some day time programme, you never know where inspiration will come from

After a decade I am aiming to retire from that too and am now building a 'hobby business' into a retirement project

If you have a supportive DH and your bills are covered then go for it, prioritise your mental health, take the down time and properly rethink your life

Best of luck

I admire you . I’m on my own and unable to do the same but if I could , I would .

Health is wealth. Do it.

No, I wouldn't make a decision from a place of extreme burnout. I absolutely would go sick, recover and look for another job all whilst off. Personally, I think that your feeling that you couldn't go off sick and do that to your service users and colleagues is a huge sign of your burnout. You matter too, and you're entitled to that income whilst you are sick (in several ways as you have described!). Its likely you won't go back, but don't sacrifice yourself on the altar of being perceived as a good person.

Unless you are about to say that you're not entitled to sick pay, in which case, crack on, but I doubt this is the situation.

If you can afford to do it go for it. I did. Best move I ever made away from the toxicity of the office I worked in and that’s no exaggeration

I'd go sick. Take some time. Look for work. Look for joy.

But whatever you decide, don't stay

I was you. I sidestepped into practice education and eventually lecturing. They owe you for all the shit you've put up with and the damage it's doing to you. Go off sick for a while or step out of management and back into more direct practice.

I had similar issues (lawyer) but I did go sick for several months and used part of that time to find another job. I walked into a role that I could do with my eyes shut, more money, and I stayed there for a few years whilst planning my early retirement. Think more for yourself and less about them. They would make you redundant at with very little thought or consideration. Take the sick pay, you've earned it . . .

I am a Nurse (have been for 30 years) and feel the same except I can't hand my notice in. If I were you I would do it in a heartbeat and not look back. Take the time you need to figure it out and get on top of your health. Good luck I am very jealous!

I completely agree with the PP. You only have one life and your health is so precious. If you can manage with your DH's income and he is supportive don't hesitate. You can take the time you need to get your health back on track and work out what you want to do next . You'll feel a surge of relief once you've handed in your notice and the end is in sight.
I was on a similar position about 10 years ago (when I was your age) and I was really struggling. I left my job with no job to go to and it was one of the best things I've ever done.
Good luck for tomorrow and for the future. ❤️

Go off sick and rest and look for for work and decompress

OP I would just go off sick from tomorrow and never go back.

You can self-certify for seven days and then talk to your GP about your burnout so they can keep signing you off.

It will give you time to recover and to look for a new job.

I did this, after crashing and burning in teaching. If you go on sick, you'll still be worrying about your impending return to work. If you can afford to get out now, do. Take some time out to re-set, and to think about yourself, rather than work. Try a few new things if you can. Work ends up taking so much of your life up that sometimes you forget, or don't have time for, the things that interest you and make you happy.

Your health has taken a battering. With time out, you'll have fewer migraines, better sleep, and your muscles will stop being painfully tense. I would recommend finding someone who is very skilled at administering deep tissue massages for help along the way! Although I'm in a different role now (much more manual), I still get tense muscles in my shoulders, back and (less noticeably) my legs, so a monthly massage or so soon sorts it out!

Personally, I've always thought that it seems an utter waste that we spend the best years of our life in work, and by the time we retire, your children are grown up and we're not always fit, capable or comfortable enough to do some of the things on our bucket lists!

Anyway, OP, enjoy your time out!

I am in a similar position. I handed in my notice 10 days ago and leave in the middle of December, nothing to go to at the moment. I did consider being signed off - I see a psychiatrist regularly as it is and he could see the impact that work has been having on me - but we only get two weeks of sick pay. I also want to be a ‘good’ leaver as I work in a smallish industry where everyone knows each other. I am extremely lucky that I only had a short notice period in my contract. We can afford for me not to work for a bit but I think the longer that I’m off, the harder it will be to get back into work so I’m hoping to have a new role by February next year.

I will say that it feels very different to leaving with something to go too. I feel like I’m leaving on a bad note because I can’t handle my role rather than being excited because I’ve got a great new opportunity.

Also a social worker in a senior ish role but in adults and feeling very similar.

I haven't resigned because I'm keen to keep my continuous service and pension intact but I'm waiting for an opportunity to take a sideways step and for the first time in my career I'm considering going off sick because the sleepless nights and deterioration in my health aren't worth it.

Not trying to talk you out of resigning if that is what is right for you. But you till have (3?) months notice to work so it's not going to be a quick fix.

Any other local authority roles you could consider as a sideways step? Commissioning? Adults? Policy?

Life's too short! If going sick would work better do that but if you need to just get out get out. On a side note recurrent UTI are a v common symptom of dropping oestrogen that could lead to prolapse, vaginal oestrogen will sort it. The migraines and body aches could be too, but obviously stress could be the main factor

The importance of good health (physical and mental) should not be underestimated. You are absolutely doing the right thing. I've left two jobs without having another job to go to and its always worked out in the end. Look after yourself - it will probably take a good few months to fully unwind

Hi. I was a Social Worker, Senior not a manager though.
To cut a long story short I ended up burnout and the LA was so terrible I just handed in notice and left. I left what has been up to that last 7 months a fantastic career and I too was a high achiever.

In all honesty the worst thing I did was to leave. I should have gone sick (like you i didn't want to do that or to have to deal with HR and i didn't have outside work support at that time). The current me would 100% tell me back then to go off sick.

The sick policy is there to be used. Come on...I bet you could name loads of colleagues who've used it (and some not legitimately). 6 months full pay whilst you sort out your health.

Please don't just hand in your notice...you deserve more.

If your DH can support you, go for it.
I worked so hard in the NHS for decades.
My son died suddenly and I retired because I became very ill.
For the last 10 years I have had one autoimmune disease after another.
I have accepted that I will not get better.
If you have a chance to recover your health, do it.
The NHS doesn't care one bit about the staff and I doubt that your employer is any different.

Another that says go off sick x Hope whichever you do gives you a break x

Do it! It's a gift to be able to walk out of a job that's killing you and have the financial support in place that means you don't need to rush to find something else. Don't go off sick though – you'll still have to deal with your workplace if you do, which means the stress will still be there.

Instead, resign and call whatever time off you take a sabbatical. If anyone asks, you are taking a period of time off to reevaluate your career. See a careers coach to work out future possibilities/transference of skills etc.

Enjoy the break!

Hand in hour notice and enjoy a bit of time to decide on your next move. 100%.

Nb...if you're not fit to work note says stress then they have to follow another set procedure and won't be able to harangue you.

You are no good to anybody if your health starts to go. You have a few choices.
You hand your notice in. And take time to recover.
You don't hand your notice in and just carry on; for a bit longer.
You try to negotiate for more resources, and ask them to tell you what work do you stop doing as you presently cannot do all of it. If not joy, hand your notice in. But explain to their boss why you have had to do so.
You go to see your doctor and send in a sick note.

Whichever you choose, good luck. But choose to look after yourself. If you carry on and keep going nobody will give a fig. Or say thank you, I am afraid.