Handing in my notice tomorrow…

[BurntOutHag]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in Work/Health/AIBU etc - so sorry if it’s in the wrong place!

I wondered if anyone had any gentle advice or soothing words for me, or maybe just a ‘yeah, go for it!’…as I am totally frazzled and finding it hard to think straight.

Short-ish version: I am handing in my notice tomorrow with no job to go to.

Children’s social care manager, 49 yrs old, been doing this role for about 10 years, utterly burnt out.

Over the past year things at work have become unmanageable. The usual shit - cuts to services, staff shortages, people off sick left, right and centre with stress., relentless high workload. I am a ‘high performer’ and my area is apparently ‘Outstanding’ following recent inspection…but this is all at great personal cost.

I have been constantly ill for 18 months - UTIs, migraines, flu, shingles. My blood pressure is now very high despite being on the low side my entire life and being tee-total, non smoker, slim, fairly active. My whole body aches and I’m having physiotherapy for neck issues caused by stress. I’m perimenopausal, so there is that, but I am not experiencing any of the extreme symptoms of that - sleep is OK (but struggle to get enough working 10-12 hours days) and I haven’t lost my confidence, still feel capable.

I just feel I have hit a wall. I come home at night and I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point I can’t really speak. All I can do is sit in silence staring at the telly but not really taking it in, until it’s time to sleep. I’m not prepared to ‘go off sick’ as the stakes are so high in my sector and I just cannot do that to my colleagues or service users…but I cannot go on like this and I cannot see myself going into my 50s living like this.

DH has wanted me to jack it in for a couple of years, as he worries about my health. He could comfortably support us indefinitely, but I don’t want that…but a year off? Time to re-set and decide how I am going to live a less insane life going into old age? It’s a no brainer, isn’t it?

Last minute crisis of confidence. I realise I am very lucky that DH is able to support me for a bit and is supportive. I can’t think of a single reason to stay apart from my pension, which isn’t great anyway and I’m sure could be worked out when I have more headspace to think about alternative ways of earning money….but it’s scary!

What do you reckon? Would you do it?

To add, don't be surprised if you do leave then later learn they had to divide your job up into two or more as nobody feasibly could do it.

In your position OP, I would be doing the exact same thing.

Take some time to recover, and feel no guilt for doing what is best for you and your health.

Exactly the same here. I was so happy after I handed in my notice. I had to work 3 months notice period but that was fine and I didn't change my mind, I spent hours making sure I left lots of handover notes, deleting old files etc, for my team (whom were lovely, it was everything else that was toxic).

So go ahead, do it, and then consider how you want to spend your notice period e.g. gradually checking out, or getting ducks in a row for colleagues, or whatever works for you.

Whatever you decide, something needs to give doesn't it? I was in the same position, a high stress never ending job with risks like you describe. There is a limit on how long a human being can do this and your body is telling you you need to change.

Whether you resign or take a period of sickness, take the step. I hope things improve for you x

I don’t think going off sick will help you. You’ll still worry, about your colleagues if nothing else.

if you can afford it, do it. My partner was similar and about to break down (Children’s social worker). He had to stop and has been fortunate enough to take a few months break. Your health just isn’t worth it. He’s now a different person. I’d say it’s not about perimenopause although of course that won’t be helping.

I handed my notice in last week with no job to go to. All I feel is relief! I’ve worked in local government almost all my adult life so I understand a lot of the issues you mention (cuts to budgets, stress etc.) I’m going to have a couple of months off then start to explore what I’d like to do next including some volunteering.
Also feel very lucky to have good savings & a DH who is happy to support us. Good luck with it all x

A lot of those symptoms could be related to perimenopause and are being made worse due to stress. I don’t think that resigning when you are feeling like you do is necessarily the best move unless you have another job to go to. I would look to speaking to your GP to discuss stress and menopause management in the first instance. Once you have had some time out you can review how you feel then and make a decision from a place of calm.

"I’m not prepared to ‘go off sick’ as the stakes are so high in my sector and I just cannot do that to my colleagues or service users"

This is exactly the reason why you should go off sick - because you are sick, and you're in an environment that does nothing to support you. Work will never love you back!
Call you GP, you can still hand in your notice a few days or weeks later. That way the only thing you'd come back to work for would be a handover.

I was thinking the very same thing only today! It's so wrong when you look at it. My DM used to say youth is wasted on the young and at the time I thought 'whatever!' because I was young! Now I see what she was getting at! And now the government are pushing retirement age further and further away, anyone in a stressful job will be lucky to make it to retirement.

I think you’re mad..,.go sick for a few months and take it from there

100% do it and don’t look back.

Burnout takes a long, long time to recover from. I did the same thing. I made sure to show my DW regularly my gratitude that she works hard enough to allow me the freedom to do it, and rebuild myself from the inside out. I’ll never be the same but I’ll never go back to where I was either.

Best of luck, and lots of love.

I would say take some annual leave to think about it. My worry would be leaving a job without a job to go to. What will you put for that gap in your cv?

I'd do it. I call it 'ME-ternity leave'

Sounds like you can afford it and DH is in support. Your in a great position to make this happen.

Do they know you're working these hours? Do they know it's making you ill? I'd suggest your GP records this as work related. I'd also inform HR. I'd be clear in your resignation letter that this is why. Don't keep this to yourself.

You're good at what you do. The threat of losing you or you claiming constructive dismissal might make them receptive to changes to help you stay. A sabbatical, flexible working, four days instead of five, an assistant to take on any mundane tasks eating into your time etc.... or whatever is appropriate.

Would / Could you stay if adjustments were made or are you just done with the whole thing?

❤

Resign. I resigned last week and in just 7 days I feel so much happier knowing I won’t wake up in the new year with that feeling of dread. I work in education, I’m not a teacher. I’ve no job to go too either.

Do it. I left my teaching job with nothing to go to,

I was lucky DH could support me and I saved up too. I was menopausal , burnt out and sick. Sobbing in the shower every day and crying in the way home, not sleeping is no way to live. It took me 9 months to get myself well.

I now do supply so can pick when and where I work . Just do it , like your DH mine had told me for 2 years to resign - I was probably unbearable to live with .

Do it. Life is too short to be stuck somewhere you hate. If you're concerned about your pension, take another job, something low input that doesn't take much effort or brainpower. Or something you enjoy doing. Doesn't matter if the pay is shit, if you can survive on your dh salary. It'll keep you in tax credits and pension contributions.

Hi
That was me three years ago but education rather than Social care. Alleged “high flier,” very senior with everything seeming going well - good & outstanding ofsteds etc. But like you, working all hours, tired and distracted all the time. I would have said though that I was “ok” and “coping”

I handed in my notice with nothing to go to but unlike you, knowing that although my husband was super supportive and could carry us for a while, I had to get another job fairly soon.

I went for it and resigned. Worked my notice, finished and then literally slept for about a month. I was so tired I could barely get out of bed and get dressed. I came down with everything - chest infection UTI, awful headaches and I realised actually I hasn’t been “coping” at all! I’d somehow just been living in adrenaline and ???

By month 2, I slowly sorted myself out and became me again - smiley, calm, And most importantly present and not always talking about work! (I hadn’t realised that I talked about it so much until my lovely friends told me with kindness that I did - all the time apparently!)
I did some consultancy to earn some money but realised just how toxic and awful the whole sector is. Impossible expectations from govt and awful parent who think you can cure societies ills / their shit parenting.
Applied for 28 jobs in an adjacent sector with absolutely no success. Got through to the second stage of interview once but other than that rejection emails at the first stage which was really hard and confidence sapping.
But then got the 29th. 2 years later I’m good. My job doesn’t consume me. It’s just something I do and sometimes even enjoy but it really is in about 6th place in my life after family, friends, space & time, house etc etc. The ‘highs’ arent there - that amazing moment where you watch a group of children achieve something and see their confidence blossom or when a newly qualified teacher nails it and they are so delighted to see their hardwork pay off but those were so few and far between because there is none of the awful lows.
Honestly - do it. You won’t know yourself in 12 months.

It looks like you're in deep Peri menopause with your symptoms and I was too doing 12 hours a day shift work.
Go sick get advice.Leaving would give you instant relief I get that but please take time out to consider options as you can't think straight when you are burnt out.

I feel your pain! I've worked frontline safeguarding for all my sw career and it's brutal at the moment.

I would be reluctant to make a decision from the position you're in re burn out. Take some time off sick, step away and have a think about your next move when you feel more rested. You'll still worry about your staff and families whether its a fit note or resignation you hand in. Take time for you and consider what you want. Maybe a move to the front door?

If it helps my DH hates my job and the impact it has - the hours, responsibilities and stress are relentless. He would also be happy if I left. Sometimes it feels like you can't win at work or home!

I'd definitely do it. It sounds like it's having a huge impact on your enjoyment of life, and no job is worth that. If you can manage without your wage for a while, I'd definitely leave.

Well done @BurntOutHag, it’s so hard to just drop the rope, especially with a job that carries such responsibility but you absolutely have to look after yourself. I took 6 months off but I reckon it took at least a year before I was reacting form a place of normalcy rather than burnout. Take care of yourself and if you have the luxury of not rushing then don’t!

Take a sabbatical and then decide. Highly recommend it!

I did it. Best thing I ever did - I told everyone I was having a grown up gap year to decide what I wanted to do with my life.
It was like the world had been lifted off my shoulders, and once out of there I realised the effect it had had on me.

If you get sick pay, which you probably do, why don’t take some time off , a month at least, gives you a bit of breathing space and time to think about the future.

Good luck OP 💐

I’m not prepared to ‘go off sick’ as the stakes are so high in my sector and I just cannot do that to my colleagues or service users…but I cannot go on like this and I cannot see myself going into my 50s living like this.

There is not much difference from quitting tbh, they are going to be one person down regardless of which path you take. In your circumstances with your DH in full support financially, I'd just quit.