Handing in my notice tomorrow…

[BurntOutHag]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in Work/Health/AIBU etc - so sorry if it’s in the wrong place!

I wondered if anyone had any gentle advice or soothing words for me, or maybe just a ‘yeah, go for it!’…as I am totally frazzled and finding it hard to think straight.

Short-ish version: I am handing in my notice tomorrow with no job to go to.

Children’s social care manager, 49 yrs old, been doing this role for about 10 years, utterly burnt out.

Over the past year things at work have become unmanageable. The usual shit - cuts to services, staff shortages, people off sick left, right and centre with stress., relentless high workload. I am a ‘high performer’ and my area is apparently ‘Outstanding’ following recent inspection…but this is all at great personal cost.

I have been constantly ill for 18 months - UTIs, migraines, flu, shingles. My blood pressure is now very high despite being on the low side my entire life and being tee-total, non smoker, slim, fairly active. My whole body aches and I’m having physiotherapy for neck issues caused by stress. I’m perimenopausal, so there is that, but I am not experiencing any of the extreme symptoms of that - sleep is OK (but struggle to get enough working 10-12 hours days) and I haven’t lost my confidence, still feel capable.

I just feel I have hit a wall. I come home at night and I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point I can’t really speak. All I can do is sit in silence staring at the telly but not really taking it in, until it’s time to sleep. I’m not prepared to ‘go off sick’ as the stakes are so high in my sector and I just cannot do that to my colleagues or service users…but I cannot go on like this and I cannot see myself going into my 50s living like this.

DH has wanted me to jack it in for a couple of years, as he worries about my health. He could comfortably support us indefinitely, but I don’t want that…but a year off? Time to re-set and decide how I am going to live a less insane life going into old age? It’s a no brainer, isn’t it?

Last minute crisis of confidence. I realise I am very lucky that DH is able to support me for a bit and is supportive. I can’t think of a single reason to stay apart from my pension, which isn’t great anyway and I’m sure could be worked out when I have more headspace to think about alternative ways of earning money….but it’s scary!

What do you reckon? Would you do it?

What’s your sickness policy? Could you go sick for a few weeks to rest and recover and look for new Job?

can you afford to have a bit of time off before looking for something else? If so go for it.

I really appreciate all your replies so far. Thank you!

I have considered taking a couple of weeks off sick to consider things, but I have to work 3-months notice and that will still be waiting for me when I get back.

I’ve only come to this point after various adjustments to my role have been made (after a real bloody fight that I feel pissed off I had to have) to get a day a fortnight working from home, a ‘protected’ day a week with low/no contact with colleagues/clients for strategic planning and a (shared between two other managers) PA. It’s still all completely unmanageable and I don’t think I want to work in this sector anymore. It’s not going to get any better…

To add…

My sickness policy is decent. Theoretically I could go off sick on full pay for up to 6-months. But it would be stressful. I’ve seen how these things are managed and it’s awful.

The public sector is broken and nothing is going to fix it. Get out while you can!

My niece was so stressed at her supermarket retail job it translated into physical symptoms for an existing health condition/disability so much she was blue lit to hospital several times a year with life threatening medical episodes. She stayed at the job through fear of not getting a job elsewhere until they (illegally) dismissed her.

She got another job within a couple of months, was open about her limits and they gave her the reasonable adjustments she needs, she has been there for close on a year now and has never been ill/in hospital since.

Most jobs have stress of some sort whether it is the job, unrealistic expectations or management/culture, so if your job stress is causing you health issues and you can afford to jack it in do it, it’s not worth your health.

Go off sick. Once you are in a sick line you are under no obligation to speak to managers if it’s too stressful.

you are clearly burned out. You should listen to your body.

the sick leave is there to be used. Youre not making this up. Youre genuine.

you don’t get benefits for five months if you quit.
So if anything happened in your relationship or dp became ill youll struggle for money.

go off sick. Stop making excuses. Just do it. It’ll help you work out a plan of action. GP tomorrow.

I agree it’s not good to go off sick unless you really are. Unfair on those left behind too. Would definitely take some annual leave just to give you some thinking space .

I can’t take annual leave at short notice.

I think I’m going to go in tomorrow, resign, then take a few days off sick. I broke down in tears to DH earlier because I feel so guilty about leaving my team in the shit, but I can’t go on like this.

You've got this. Your mental and physical health is priceless.

OP is sick

I felt like this 2 years ago (nhs) and dh told me he’d stand by me if I resigned, but we really couldn’t afford it so I stayed with sleeping tablets to help me through interviewing for my job (merger/bullying) and the promise from my lovely gp that she would sign me off for 6 months once I’d secured the job. Once I did secure the job, things improved and now it’s much better but I feel there’s always the chance it’ll slide back. My director is insecure and a toxic bitch and others fed into that. I trust no one. Previously I worked with people who were confident and encouraged others… they all got made redundant so the new execs could take over and here we are.

I have put up barriers - I work 9-5. I claim expenses I’m allowed and ignore comments about how high expenses are and how tricky it is for our tight budget. I do my job and no more than that… although I do protect my team from the shitstorm above.

If work is making you ill and you can afford to leave, do it!

Hand in your notice and take sick pay for three months until you can leave the job.

I'd say do it.I've done my job for nine years but I am leaving it as my health issues mean I can't continue in the role.

This is how teaching left me. Leave, you will find something and will get to feel what it is like to have a normal job, which does not leave you feeling so exhausted you can no longer function. Good luck 🍀

Yes definitely do it

got nothing to lose but loads to gain

With all due respect it isn’t you leaving your team in ahit - it’s the system

one person can not account for a broken system - they become broken themselves and then so on for the next person

I get it op. But I agree to take some time off sick to decompress and then consider your options when you feel a little better.

I'm sorry you feel like this.

Just do it. Look after you. Good luck x

Definitely do it!

Then have a few months off and look for something part time and low stress.

Go for it. I’ve just done it - and I’m having a year off. I’m 8 months in and to be honest I’m still recovering. I’ve started doing a course that I’m really enjoying and there is a lot going on family wise unfortunately that I could not have dealt with if I was also working. Life is short. That much toxicity will make you - has made you - ill. your husband is on your side and also, a less stressed you will be nicer for him, too! Leave. I wish you courage and happiness.

Do it - live your best life!

I used to have a 40 minute drive to work. I loved my job until my department closed and I was moved to another role which I hated. One cold, dark, wet morning just as I approached the office I thought' I can't do this anymore', I went to see my financial.adviser, worked out a financial survival plan and then put in my notice, I never looked back. You are burnt out, leave, free your mind and then you can figure out your next steps. Good luck

Priority - look after your health. Whether you go off sick or- which sounds better- just decide to leave, do it now.
i know people who’ve struggled on , it’s still affecting them years down the line

Your health and mental wellbeing comes before any job. I hope you handed your notice in today and you feel like a weight has being lifted. But 3 months notice? That’s a lot!

Would be very careful. I have friends of your age who have been out of work for between 12 months and two years. The job market is terrible.

If work is genuinely making you feel ill, can you get signed off in the first instance? Get yourself better and then start looking around for what might interest you and the reality of applying for other jobs in different markets.

A good pension is really important to sort out.