Handing in my notice tomorrow…

[BurntOutHag]

I wasn’t sure whether to put this in Work/Health/AIBU etc - so sorry if it’s in the wrong place!

I wondered if anyone had any gentle advice or soothing words for me, or maybe just a ‘yeah, go for it!’…as I am totally frazzled and finding it hard to think straight.

Short-ish version: I am handing in my notice tomorrow with no job to go to.

Children’s social care manager, 49 yrs old, been doing this role for about 10 years, utterly burnt out.

Over the past year things at work have become unmanageable. The usual shit - cuts to services, staff shortages, people off sick left, right and centre with stress., relentless high workload. I am a ‘high performer’ and my area is apparently ‘Outstanding’ following recent inspection…but this is all at great personal cost.

I have been constantly ill for 18 months - UTIs, migraines, flu, shingles. My blood pressure is now very high despite being on the low side my entire life and being tee-total, non smoker, slim, fairly active. My whole body aches and I’m having physiotherapy for neck issues caused by stress. I’m perimenopausal, so there is that, but I am not experiencing any of the extreme symptoms of that - sleep is OK (but struggle to get enough working 10-12 hours days) and I haven’t lost my confidence, still feel capable.

I just feel I have hit a wall. I come home at night and I feel physically and mentally exhausted to the point I can’t really speak. All I can do is sit in silence staring at the telly but not really taking it in, until it’s time to sleep. I’m not prepared to ‘go off sick’ as the stakes are so high in my sector and I just cannot do that to my colleagues or service users…but I cannot go on like this and I cannot see myself going into my 50s living like this.

DH has wanted me to jack it in for a couple of years, as he worries about my health. He could comfortably support us indefinitely, but I don’t want that…but a year off? Time to re-set and decide how I am going to live a less insane life going into old age? It’s a no brainer, isn’t it?

Last minute crisis of confidence. I realise I am very lucky that DH is able to support me for a bit and is supportive. I can’t think of a single reason to stay apart from my pension, which isn’t great anyway and I’m sure could be worked out when I have more headspace to think about alternative ways of earning money….but it’s scary!

What do you reckon? Would you do it?

I did this, about a year ago. Mid senior in a huge multinational, had been there 20 years. Burnt out from the hours, the re-orgs and the much lauded culture which had gone super toxic. I know I could have gone sick but I had reached the stage where I couldn't even deal with the thought of managing that, I just wanted the freedom of being gone.
I handed in my notice and it was amazing. Those three months I was so happy in the office, people noticed. I spent a few months at home recovering but also finding out what I wanted by getting clarity on what I needed from the next role and what I wanted from life.
I was dipping my toe back into job seeking and applied for a short term contract, feeling like it was a low commitment way try work again. I picked this company for their flexibility and culture. I think I got it because I was available immediately. I was able to 'try before you buy'. I've now been offered a full time role and it feels so much more doable. I am having to train myself to not be as stressed because the job is not as stressful! I'm learning that things don't have to be a crazy rush all the time because my work finishes at 5.30 and I have my evenings back. I don't have the emotional connection to a role that felt like part of my identity, I now have a healthy detachment.
When I talked to people about it I kept saying I knew it was a terrible financial decision, but I wasn't making it for financial reasons. Over the past year I've been able to put in place some important life and family stuff, that I wouldn't have had the head space for in the old job.
If you have the financial space for the worst case scenario to play out I would highly recommend doing it. Every now and then I'd wonder did I miss a trick not going sick, but if I had, I would still be pulled into the orbit of that old role, I wouldn't be in the new life I'm looking at now.

I did this myself many years ago and have never once regretted. You're only here once, make the most of it. DO IT!!! Oh and Good Luck 😉

Resign, then you don't have to answer to anyone about how you feel. You won't be going back.

You might need a project though. Investigate your garden and plan a veg patch. Outdoor, useful, different and at your own pace.

I second this.

you have burnout. You are ill. You can go off sick and still have a little bit of an income.

while recovering, you can assess what you want to do. Then quit.

dont be a martyr.

We are not telling the OP to play hooky. She is obviously and actually sick. That is not rinsing the NHS/public services. She didn't get to this level of burnout on her own.

Do you actually work in either system? Because it strips people bare and gnaws at their bones until they can't take it anymore and they are broken. That's not a good place for anyone to make a decision from.

And you are continuing to strip it to its bones by taking the piss she doesn’t need the money, And burnout is a relatively new phenomenon.
People didn’t tend to burn out when they didn’t get six months of full sick pay in my experience. They just cracked on.
People showing their true colours on here. I hope they’re not on any other threads beating benefit claimant who may be equally burnt out.

I’m the same age as you and I do think many of us are feeling tired, burned out and looking for a slower pace at this age. Raising the retirement age means we expected to stop work at 60 when we were young but nearly a whole decade had a been added on since. That seems like forever.

It could be more sensible to speak to your doctor about being signed off so you do get some pay and some space
to decide what is next but the reality is you will be going to the same job at the end of it if you went back after sick leave. I very nearly left my job for similar reasons but they gave me a different role
that has suited me better so I’m still there. I don’t have a partner though so only my income to live on.

This - good luck

I have only just seen this thread today @BurntOutHag , ironically just as I've been asked to do an extra shift due to sickness. Did you quit? How are you feeling? Were the bosses supportive?

Oh yes, leave.
You will realise what you want to do next as you unwind, but give yourself a year to heal

Just coming back to update and to thank everyone again for your advice and perspectives. You really helped me when I was feeling frantic and confused

I DID hand in my notice yesterday. I felt such a huge sense of relief afterwards and (despite having three months left to work!) feel SO much lighter and less stressed just knowing this isn’t my life for too much longer….I feel that it was the right decision for me. ❤️

Excellent now countdown is on. it will all be grand. you will get better now

Good for you OP. Onwards and upwards 😊

Congratulations @BurntOutHag I bet the relief is almost palpable. This also must help you to feel that you've made the right decision.

Well done. I imagine you can look at these last 3 months of work through a different lense.

Well done OP, absolutely the right decision. It will seem manageable now, because there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. And if you struggle, go off sick. What’s the worst they can do? Fire you? Onwards and upwards.