I’ve done something really awful

[Chelins78]

Hi,

I’m making myself worrying over this….

I support my elderly mother with day to day stuff for including paying bills etc. I have access to her online banking etc

last month I desperately needed £250 but wasn’t getting paid for 2 more days. Out of desperation I paid the £250 from moms account and then paid it back in when my salary arrives 2 days later.

i feel so awful for doing this- like a thief. It’ll never happen again but how do I forgive myself and move on?

The money was just resting in your account.

Stop worrying. Put the energy into protecting/enhancing your cash flow so you’re never short of cash again. Do you work?

🙄🙄🙄. For goodness sake. She paid it back almost immediately.

All is fine. The money is back - you knew you had the means to do it very soon. Move on x

You borrowed it, you paid it back. End of

I agree with this and I think it is stealing.

If you'd asked your mum would she have agreed? Perhaps she'd not as capable now and it would have been upsetting to ask her. I don't think it's really awful as you paid it back asap. However be wary of doing it again as people might do something like this and it sort of breaches a barrier and then they do it again and again and get themselves into hot water, not saying you would but just in case.

I would hate it if my child felt bad about this. You paid it back within two days. I wouldn't count it as stealing. However, it's not really allowable so, unless you can ask your mother for permission, I wouldn't do it again.

Nonsense. She repaid it immediately. It was a cash flow glitch. That’s all.

To me, this is just another example of all the unnecessary melodrama in here.
If you are in charge of your mother, that likely means your mother loves and trusts you.
And if your mother is anything like mine, if you would have asked beforehand, she would have said, "Sure, sweetie, is £250 enough?"
And even if your relationship wasn't that great, you paid it back promptly. Fine. It's over.

That's a terrible idea, it will destroy her trust forever and devastate her.

OP, you should have just asked to be leant the money. You feel guilty because you deserve to. Get over yourself, it's not about you and your feelings.

Your mum would want you to have it and she wouldn't want you to feel guilty. At all. She'd probably be bloody grateful she can still help you even at her big age. I hope my kids would know me well enough to know I'd never see them stuck.

Don't do it again though.

I am sure if you asked your Mum she would have helped you out. The money is repaid. I agree this not a major issue now .I say don't let it trouble you. The job of being a carer is important.

This!

I'd call it "borrowing without asking", if it was stealing she wouldn't have paid it back!

Actually the crime is the ‘intent to permanently deprive’ so at the end of the day it is not something you would be prosecuted over. Morally I can see why you are tying yourself in knots, but the circumstances ever come about again, just ask your mother!

please forgive yourself OP. ive had a mental breakdown for not being able to forgive myself for things. it eats you up and its has stolen my life.

HRTFT but theft is the intent to permanently deprive... you didn't do that.
I'm not sure why you didn't or couldn't ask, but you were clearly desperate. As a one-off I think you need to forgive yourself and move on. I assume you are providing free care and incur costs helping out DM. Imagine what that would cost to hire that help. Consider that couple of days 'loan' allowed you to be able to carry out that caring roll as long, as it doesn't happen again.

It is really tough managing money for someone you care for. I found that I ended up
paying out a lot for them and then found it difficult to pay myself back - for example, I would pay to have their laundry done each week but didn’t keep receipts and would sometimes just let it go. It all adds up.

you should keep meticulous receipts, but it is very hard to do that I find but it’s the only way. I need to listen to my own advice. Any suggestions for how to manage will be appreciated.

This

This was going to be my question. Why were you deceitful, it's a terrible thing to do but you know that and have paid it back
Don't get into the habit and do it again, legalities aside it's betraying the trust of your mum. If something had happened between taking and paying it back that would be harder to live with than any legality.

You can’t go back and undo this, but you need to think about how you’d avoid getting into the same situation - the amounts of money could easily grow and you are leaving yourself open to accusations if you don’t pay it back as you intended or it becomes a regular thing.

Make sure you tell your mum what you are doing with her money and maybe put something in writing if she will forget so if someone queries it, your intentions are good.

If money is tight and you are limiting your earning capacity by time spent doing tasks for her, could she pay you? Have you checked you are both claiming what you are entitled to? Similarly, are you are spending your money (including for petrol/ parking) where it should be hers paying?

You need to be honest with yourself and you know this so you've admitted you don't agree with what you did... that's good enough! It's not going to be a regular thing so move on... ☀️

dont do it again
why did you need to?

i borrow from dd occasionally, her account is in my account, but i always ask her first