I’ve done something really awful

[Chelins78]

Hi,

I’m making myself worrying over this….

I support my elderly mother with day to day stuff for including paying bills etc. I have access to her online banking etc

last month I desperately needed £250 but wasn’t getting paid for 2 more days. Out of desperation I paid the £250 from moms account and then paid it back in when my salary arrives 2 days later.

i feel so awful for doing this- like a thief. It’ll never happen again but how do I forgive myself and move on?

Why did you desperately need £250?

Could you not have just asked to borrow it?

Obviously what you did was really bad but it’s done and you know you won’t do it again, so stop beating yourself up over it.

If you're struggling before payday then what about sticking a one-off cost on the credit card / overdraft if possible? Or just asking for help? Taking from an elderly parent 'on the sly' is shameful and should be a wake-up to sort yourself out.

Strange I am sure I've read this OP before. Is MN recycling posts?

You are an unpaid carer. I bet if your mum knew you were struggling financially as well as looking after her she’d happily lend you the money.
You won’t do it again, but I’d advise you to talk to her if you’re in that situation again.

Same! Fairly recently too.

Ok OP, what if you really need some money again and 'borrow' it but before you have a chance to pay back, you really need some more money and you can't pay it all back? You've opened the flood gates now, where will it end?

Not sure it is. She had no intention of depriving her mother permanently. In effect, OP is looking after her mother's affairs and is making payments her mother would otherwise sort out for herself. I would have thought it highly likely that her mother would be very happy to lend her £250 for two days - or even give it to her, given the amount of time OP is spending helping her.

Be kind to yourself. You didn’t steal

Is this a POA set up? Does anyone else have POA?
It's likely your Mum is going to be needing you to do more for her as she gets older so perhaps it would be wise to ask someone in addition to you, to also have access to her account. Everything will then have to be entirely transparent which protects everyone concerned.

For now, just make peace with it. You knew you were going to pay it back and I'd like to think your Mum would have gladly helped you out for a couple of days.

You paid it back. I really wouldn't worry.

You’re human. Forgive yourself and just move on.

OP you can tell more about someone from what they're ashamed of, rather than what they're proud of. You feel shame because you went against your own values.

Many others would do something like this and feel no shame, because they don't have your values. You know you did wrong. You've already made it right. Move on, learn, and don't do it again.

As others have said, the definition of theft under the Theft Act is: a person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it and “thief” and “steal” shall be construed accordingly.
You didn’t intend to permanently deprive her of it, therefore you didn’t steal. However, don’t do it again - it’s a slippery slope and, while it’s not theft in a court of law, many others (including your mum) may see it as theft.

Go easy on yourself! You paid it back within 2 days. You're caring for your mum. If you had just taken money then yes, I'd say you're a terrible person. But you needed money at the time and paid it back very promptly. Try to forgive yourself, and as it's caused such bad feelings for you, perhaps don't do it again.

If my DD needed £250 I'd not mind a bit of she took it from my account.
I'd give her a kidney if she needed it.

Don’t even worry about it, you paid it back two days later. No big deal.

Me neither. Be kind to yourself, OP. No harm was done. But perhaps if you’re struggling, let your mum know, she may be able and happy to help.

Not good to have not asked, Op.

You need to fess up to her, if she will conprehend.

You are finding it financially difficult yet you help your mother out regularly so you are inherently kind hearted.

Question whether you can continue to sustainbly afford to care for your mother. Do you need to ask her to pay for fuel to her own appointments? Are you paying for her medication? Are you taking fewer hours of paid work so you can care for your mother?
Have a serious talk with yourself about finances. There should be no need for you to be out of pocket for helping your mother.

You need to work more paid hours, not subsidize any other grown-up's expenses, and save for expected bills.

This

This, surely your mother would not have minded! You provide so much care for her.

Oh bore off. What "crime" has she committed? And even if it were a crime, she's done nothing immoral. She's paid it all back - and always intended to pay it back.

OP, forget about it now.

Not sure about this but it may only be a crime if the intention was not to pay back and so permanently deprive your Mum
If you needed the money in the first place- why didn’t you ask her????
The fact you didn’t makes me wonder if you knew she would say no- for whatever reason
Also, after taking the money why didn’t you give her an IOU?

Sorry @Chelins78 - I know I sound harsh and I don’t mean to be. Financial difficulties are awful and often insurmountable, I think I am just shocked at your lack of judgement

Bank won’t spit this in a million years.

And honestly, it’s a non event. You paid it back immediately. I wouldn’t judge you in the slightest. And I’m saying this as the sibling of someone who systematically defraudeded my parents of tens of thousands. Forgive yourself, it’s fine

Some of these answers are awful. OP it sounds like you are really helping your mum out. What you need to analyse is why you got into that position in the first place? Are you working less than you cold to deal with caring duties? Do you get Attendance allowance as you are your mum's carer? Did you have a one-off emergency.
This is not a mean spirited woman stealing from an old lady. Take a good look at yourselves all of you!