My neighbour swears her kids sleep twelve hours a night and it has me questioning everything

[GlowWithBalance]

I was chatting with my neighbour the other day while the kids were playing outside. She casually mentioned that her two sleep from nine in the evening until seven in the morning every single night. She said it so calmly, like this was completely normal. I just stood there nodding while silently thinking about my own child wandering into our room at two in the morning asking for water or having a sudden need to discuss dinosaurs.
It honestly made me laugh because she looked so refreshed and put together, and I was standing there with messy hair and a cold cup of coffee I kept forgetting to drink. She wasn’t bragging, just sharing, but it really highlighted how wildly different family routines can be.

Well I strongly doubt that parents in China or Russia do anything but cry it out from an early age... everyone has to work, in communist countries there was no difference between men and women in that respect. (I'd no idea what a SAHM was coming over here though my English was at a very high level.)
So the kids self soothe much earlier.

All our kids apart from teenagers also sleep 8-7 every night ages range from 2yr twins,3 yr single,4 yr single 6yr singl - and a 7 year old...just down to a good routine and own beds and knowing this is what's happening and how it happens I guess

9-7 is ten hours, not 12?

How old are their kids? Makes a big difference

Our 5 year old is in bed at 7.30, asleep at 8

8 year old is in bed at 8, asleep by 8.30/9 (she reads a lot)

both wake up 7/7.30

If you’re not regularly getting that, it’s worth assessing all their routines. Are they getting good nutrition across an average 24 hours? Do they eat good veg, good protein?

Vitamin gummies are helpful to top up.

Do you minimise screen time? If we have let it slip we have occasional weeks with ZERO screens to reset everybody. It’s tough but works wonders. Screens are a modern reality but generally shite for kids brains and terrible for sleep

Yes there are blips to a good routines, but with some focus it should be possible to get you all more sleep :)

Both my children slept through the night from 7pm to 7am from the age of about 6 months. After that they only woke in the night if they were ill, or had a bad dream. Most people I know had children who were the same.

Mine used to take a while to drop off sometimes, but once they’re off, they sleep until 7. Always have, they’ve never got up in the night since baby age.

How have you got 12 hours from that? 9pm to 7am is 10 hours! Your maths isn’t mathing

We all have different routines. What are the kids ages Vs yours? My DS used to wake and we'd go to the spare bed together for the rest of the night untill he was approaching 3.5. This stopped when I had DC2 as we said he'd need to go to bed with DH instead of me and he suddenly started sleeping through the night!

Mine were like yours OP. I don’t think I had an uninterrupted nights sleep until the youngest was 7/8 😩

Both mine slept 7-7 at least from 10-12 weeks given a chance. I stopped waking them to feed eventually as it was just cruel, they weren’t hungry, the just wanted to sleep. 15 and 19 now and both still love their beds, although ds is an early riser now, sleeping 9-6 in his ideal world. Kids seriously vary and I’d never, ever tell this to anyone who has a young baby or is complaining about their kids sleep!

Similar to the above, mine slept through from 3 months. Prior to that, I woke them to feed them but I realised they would have slept otherwise. Checked with the consultant who said try leaving them, and they never woke till morning. So yes, always 12 hours sleep. I think having my sleep interrupted would kill me! I dont know how others manage.

That's 10 hours not 12

Mine slept from 7PM - 7AM from 3 months. I used to pretend to the other parents in my NCT group that he still woke up as I thought they'd think I was lying or boasting!

If it helps, mine doesn’t. We have always had a bedtime routine, never woke to feed etc. But I think his record as a baby ( until about 18 months) was he was waking at least every 45mins all night, and hardly day napped. I was so tired I nearly crashed the car falling asleep at wheel taking him to vaccination appointment.

Now he’s 5, he sleeps 9pm-6am on good night, but that’s usually always with at least 2 night wakings.

Ds didn't sleep through the night until he was 3 yo, he's now 7 and goes to bed at 7/7:30 he's usually asleep by 8 ish although sometimes we find him trying to read or with toys under his pillow, and it's closer to half 8, he gets up at 7:30 somtimes a little later at weekends if he's been allowed up later if we've been out in the evening. How old is your child?

Ours have never really come into our bed in the night. Maybe a handful of times in 10 years. They just slept through from a very early age. DH and I are great sleepers though.

I’m very lucky that ds slept through from 3months. He’s now 3.9 and sleeps 6.30-6.30. He’s also been dry overnight and out of night pullips since 2.5. Touch wood no bed wee accidents either.

Same! 11.5 hours - 7:30-7, and still does now he’s almost two. I always lie

My eldest (4) sleeps 7-7 straight through. Has done since around 3 year old.

My 20 month old has always been a horrendous sleeper, no longer naps and woke up at 4:30 today plus 4 times during the night.

I think it’s luck of the draw. Both have the exact same routine.

My 5yo DD has always been at the low end of the recommend hours of sleep for her age and while it was tough when she was little now I think it's nice that we get extra time together as I work full time. I'm not a great sleeper either but don't get that tired, I get a good couple of extra hours of living into every day

When mine were three and one, I'd put them to bed between 6 and 6.30 and see them again between 5.30 and 7 the next morning.

I told a colleague this and she nearly cried!

Mine were bottle fed, weaned at 17 weeks which is what happened back then, so lots of carbs and tummies full of milk. I didn't work so lots of fresh air and ducks and parks and toddler groups.

I couldn't understand why other people found it so hard! (obvs my son then decided to not sleep in his own bed from age one to age 12 and is since diagnosed ASD!)

That's 10 hours not 12. I think your lack of sleep is affecting your maths skills!
Ds slept through from a very young age. He's always liked sleep. Some children do.

Some children do just sleep. It’s weird isn’t it. Why are they so different? I feel like evolutionarily (sp?) surely they all need sleep.

Ds was always what to me was a horrifically early riser, and the idea of me being awake/mobile and him not being awake with me in the morning was laughable, but he did sleep through to a recognisable hour from an early age.

There’s another thread about sleep training and id say one of the best things we did when ours were toddlers was gently sleep trained, firm about bedtime with lots of reassurance and cuddles but kept up routines no matter what. Having sleep is so important for them and us. I know it’s not that easy for everyone.

We used to start bedtime at 6, sound asleep by 7 and they woke at 6. Only time they woke was very occasionally if they were ill.

The OP is tired!

Give her a break - 😅

My kids were all bad sleepers - how I used to HATE people who had children who slept 'right through' ; particularly when parents were smug about their 'methods'.

Turns out mine are all neurodiverse to different degrees.