My neighbour swears her kids sleep twelve hours a night and it has me questioning everything

[GlowWithBalance]

I was chatting with my neighbour the other day while the kids were playing outside. She casually mentioned that her two sleep from nine in the evening until seven in the morning every single night. She said it so calmly, like this was completely normal. I just stood there nodding while silently thinking about my own child wandering into our room at two in the morning asking for water or having a sudden need to discuss dinosaurs.
It honestly made me laugh because she looked so refreshed and put together, and I was standing there with messy hair and a cold cup of coffee I kept forgetting to drink. She wasn’t bragging, just sharing, but it really highlighted how wildly different family routines can be.

Same here. We had good routines and a calm bedtime, so that probably helped.

What? How is that even possible? Sounds like magic! Mind you, mine is AuDHD and so are my friend’s children. At 11 mine now sleeps 10.30pm - 6.30am, with one or two night wakings. When younger, sleep didn’t happen much!

Well if someone put it on Instagram it must be true.

The main thing with sleep is if your child is a non sleeper then there's not much you can do. My biggest mistake was assuming that I was doing something wrong, and stressing out, when actually I just needed to focus on getting through it.
5 years later and the eldest sleeps like a log 90% of the time. Youngest is a different story but at least I know it's him not me!

Your neighbour sounds normal? Both my toddlers sleep 7:30pm to 6:30-7;30 am (youngest gets up early sometimes).

They've both slept through the night since ~6 months.

And yes, we did sleep train as mummy martyrdom didn't sell with me. We're all happier for it.

One of mine slept 18/24 hours, including 12 hours over night from six weeks old until she was about 4.

The other one did not 🥴

They're all different.

Mine was a horrible sleeper until 18 months or so, but ever since has slept from 7-8pm until 7am consistently. He’d sleep longer if I let him!

First baby didn't sleep through until age 5 and second baby slept through at 3 weeks (I was actually a bit worried about it!) we didnt do anything differently, one would only sleep on me and the other was literally falling asleep on their own while we were still in the hospital. It's pot luck in my experience.

We’ve had a solid routine and calm bedtime since DS was a newborn, but his sleep has never been straightforward. His pattern over the last 3.5 years has looked like this:

0–8 months: 3–4 wakes per night
8–18 months: 1–2 wakes per night
18 months–2.5 years: Mostly slept through, unless ill
2.5–3.5 years: Sleeps through 1–2 nights a week, usually wakes once a night

Sleep isn’t always linear and every child is different. A good routine definitely helps, but it isn’t the magic reason some children sleep well and others don’t.

My 17 month old sleeps from 7:30 until 8:30 the following day unless she's ill 🙈 Some kids just sleep, some don't 🤷 I do think some need gentle sleep training, but mine is just naturally a high sleep needs child.

I truly don't think it's anything I've done, just luck 😂 Until about 3 months old she was up every hour and sometimes all night breastfeeding though, so I had my period of sleep deprivation lol. She started sleeping through fully about 4 months, had a sleep regression when she was around 7 months which lasted for a month, and then thankfully went back to normal 🫠

Both mine slept through the night from roughly 12 weeks old.

DD4 goes to bed at 1930, DS7 at 2030, both awake at 0700. DS is autistic which normally comes with sleep difficulties but he’s always slept well.

I couldn’t function if I didn’t get a good nights sleep

That's nonsense. Lots of babies sleep well. If you read the tables of sleep hours for different ages it clearly states these along with age appropriate bed times, if kids weren't meant to sleep this much due to zero ablity to do this or need this much sleep then the advice would show this. Its more common than you know. Mine use to sleep 7 till 7 when they were older and one was sleeping thru the night from about 3 weeks old, with us waking them for feeds. And no im not boasting. It wasn't due to my super amazing routine. It was just the kids, which then allowed me to carry on a good routine. It was all them and not me.

Everyone is slightly different.

We have a 5yo who didnt sleep for the first 2 years (an hour at a time absolute maximum), and then suddenly started sleeping 12 hours. Would probably sleep 13 if there was time! Now usually has 11-12hrs a night, rarely wakes during the night. Gets a temperature if sleeps less than 10 hours 2 nights in a row.

8yo who slept through from around 5-6 months, 12 hours. Still has around 11 hours most nights, but varies between 10-12. Is a total arsehole after a late night/early start.
Probably wakes more than the youngest, but goes back to sleep or tries to quietly climb in with me.

We never cried it out, but were very consistent at settling then back to bed. Solid routine. No options to stay up late just because they're not settling, or not tired etc. Brutal actually with the youngest, basically had no time with my husband for 2 years.

both maybe but definitely a good routine regular feeds in the day As a baby regular sleeps and yes she slept 12:13 hours from four months

Again, I did all these things with my child and he's still (by most people's standards) not a good sleeper.

You sound like you did all the right things but there's no harm in admitting you also got lucky in the sleep department!

5yo sleeps from 715pm-7am. Started sleeping through at 2.5y of age, was up 3 or 4 times a night until then!

2yo sleeps from 7pm-630/7am, once a week the 2yo might wake in the night needing a wee or because they kicked the duvet off and woke up cold so will come and snuggle in with me. Not every night though. 2yo started sleeping through at 16m old.

Ours slept 7pm-7am from about 6 weeks old. I can count the number of times after that age that they woke in the night on one hand, only ever due to sickness.

We didn't do anything special. I think we just got lucky with the sleepiness genetics.

Ah yes, parents with non-sleepers that’s where you’re going wrong, you need to give REGULAR feeds in the day not just the lunchtime McDonald’s. Give over 🙄.

My 3 have slept through 7-7 since they were tiny - 8 weeks, 6 weeks & 6 weeks.

I meant from birth and a baby so start off as mean to go ob

yes my daughter loves sleep

but im a maternity night nanny and have had 70+ babies sleeping by 4mths whether bf or bottle over the last 20yrs

all done by a gentle routine from birth and no crying

all these children who are now 1 - 20 are good sleepers

yes some babies have issues like reflux cmpa colic but even then I can still get them into a routine but be more like 4/6mthe depending on their issues

but I totally get what you say about making sure a routine for those who aren’t as good sleepers

Thank you!

I'm really not trying to pick on any particular PP but I have found there can be a certain obliviousness that comes with parents of babies or children who sleep well. When me and DP were really in the pits of bad sleep (averaging 3-4 wakes per night over several months) we were asked by several of family and friends 'do you have a bedtime routine?' which left me wondering what these people think we (two university educated, professional adults in our mid-thirties*) did when we put our baby to bed at night. I know they're probably just trying to be supportive but are they imagining a scenario where we turn off Cocomelon, throw them in the cot and hope for the best?

9pm is way too late for young children to go to bed! Mine sleep from 7:15pm until 7am.

Have you tried a grow clock and a star chart for staying in bed each night with a weekend treat for 7 stars? You have to train them to stay in bed and this in turn will help them sleep through.

You say kids rather than babies/toddlers.. in my experience it's totally normal for a child to sleep for a solid 10-12 hours

A lot of kids do crash for 12 hours straight. Mine never did. It used to frustrate me no end when people would put their dc to bed at 6.30 or 7pm and say "Oh, I couldn't manage without my evenings!!" Lucky them.

Some kids just don't need as much sleep. I did seek advice from a HCP once, who said if your toddler is only sleeping for 10 hours, they have an extra two hours a day for learning stuff.

Yes, our bedtime routine was from birth and hasn't deviated too much. Dim the lights, bath, pyjamas on, read a book and go to bed.

If you have genuinely got over 70+ babies to sleep through the night from 4-6 months without any crying them kudos to you.