My neighbour swears her kids sleep twelve hours a night and it has me questioning everything

[GlowWithBalance]

I was chatting with my neighbour the other day while the kids were playing outside. She casually mentioned that her two sleep from nine in the evening until seven in the morning every single night. She said it so calmly, like this was completely normal. I just stood there nodding while silently thinking about my own child wandering into our room at two in the morning asking for water or having a sudden need to discuss dinosaurs.
It honestly made me laugh because she looked so refreshed and put together, and I was standing there with messy hair and a cold cup of coffee I kept forgetting to drink. She wasn’t bragging, just sharing, but it really highlighted how wildly different family routines can be.

Agree.

Some kids just need less sleep. Even as a newborn my dd was only getting 10h per 24h including naps - her naps were often just 9min long...!! And yes we tried absolutely everything. Strict routines, loose routines. Bigger gaps between naps, shorter gaps. Silence, white noise, everyday noise.

If you had kids who slept well, it isn't because you were so clever and disciplined. They're just anatomically different.

Just like my dd is turning out to be good at maths - I'd never say "oh that's because I counted peas with her while weaning, why didn't you do that?" (!) It's because there's just variation in the population.

Same, the HV came round when DD was a few weeks old, the apt was 3pm and I told her DD had been awake since 2....but that was 2am, not 2pm!

DS (2nd child) was - and still is - completely different. I had to wake him to feed him during the day as a tiny baby , although he didnt sleep through the night straight away. But he slept through at 6 months , I honestly thought id died and gone to heaven (DD was still waking up a few times a night)

As tweens/teens if they went on (or had) a sleepover, DD would up til the small hours, DS would be asleep by 11. He'll set his alarm at 4am for the F1 at this weekend, im pretty sure if she was interested (she isn't!) DD would have simply stayed awake til then!

My DC didn't sleep through the night until 4 years old. Had separate room, own bed, solid bedtime routine. Even now at 8 yrs they take forever to get to sleep and would read through the night if we let them, and wake up at 6 every morning regardless of how little sleep they've had. Being honest, it's the fact they never slept properly that ensured they are an only child 🤣

I thought 7-7 was the norm. Mine did that until recently and now 8-630 ish

I know. I have a terrible sleeper still at 4 years old and my sister in law loves to say "you just need to get a into a routine". I want to throttle her!

I was all hyped up waiting breathlessly!

Mine slept through from eight weeks. I was very, VERY lucky. Maybe subsequent infants would have been terrible sleepers

My cousins slept 12 hours from the get go, they are adults now and still need a huge amount of hours sleep per night, some people love sleep!

I completely hear you. Some children just seem wired that way no matter how much structure you give them. Mine is the same. A solid bedtime routine makes no difference and they still pop up in the night full of questions or ideas. I used to worry it meant I was doing something wrong but it seems plenty of children simply do not follow the long predictable sleep pattern people talk about.

They really don't and letting go of that idea (particularly the idea that I was doing something wrong) was very freeing.

Some children just have lower sleep needs and enjoy being awake too much. I was amazed to see my friends 3 year old intentionally close their eyes the other day to have a nap as I have never seen my child (same age) do that. He had to be in the pram or car and you could see him fighting the urge to go to sleep. Of course, he stopped napping about 18 months ago 😁

I think part of the idea we're somehow failing or doing something wrong, is because we're kind of conditioned to believe that if we follow the guidelines (regular bedtime + bath + calm routine etc)that will lead to baby/toddler/child sleeping and also the people with good sleepers often credit their technique or parenting skills when a lot is just luck.

In exactly the same way they do with fussy eating...which is also a lot about luck. DD was my pfb i did everything by the book and she was (and still is at 19) an awful sleeper, and a very fussy eater! DS was an absolute dream in comparison!

Yep.

I had to put a self imposed ban on looking up 'baby sleep' online (including Mumsnet) as I found it triggered my PPA. I remember I posted on here and was asked about my routine and was given conflicting but all very self assured responses about my baby being undertired and overtired. Clearly that didn't help.

When I look back now, I realise they knew what worked for their babies and assumed this would work for everyone else.