My neighbour swears her kids sleep twelve hours a night and it has me questioning everything

[GlowWithBalance]

I was chatting with my neighbour the other day while the kids were playing outside. She casually mentioned that her two sleep from nine in the evening until seven in the morning every single night. She said it so calmly, like this was completely normal. I just stood there nodding while silently thinking about my own child wandering into our room at two in the morning asking for water or having a sudden need to discuss dinosaurs.
It honestly made me laugh because she looked so refreshed and put together, and I was standing there with messy hair and a cold cup of coffee I kept forgetting to drink. She wasn’t bragging, just sharing, but it really highlighted how wildly different family routines can be.

We did all the routines , limiting screen time, exercise & fresh air, healthy eating etc but neither of mine slept. Turns out they’re both ASD and are now trying melatonin.

From about 5 months old my son would sleep from 7pm - 7am. He went through a stage of early wake ups as a toddler for around a year (5am ish). He’s 5 now and sleeps around 8pm ish - 7am.

Honestly never woke up in the night apart from teething/illness/the odd nightmare. I never ever did any kind of ‘crying it out’ he just naturally followed that pattern, although I’ve always been very strict on never cosleeping when he was a baby.

One, my second, slept like a log from 3-4 months. Barely moved in bed in fact.

The other, my eldest, "slept" 7-7 from about 12 weeks, but was cuddled back to sleep in our bed if she woke until she was maybe 6, probably a bit older.

As soon as she could climb out of her cot at about 12 months, and over the baby gate at just a fraction older, if she woke in the night she'd climb into bed with us. Then we'd all get some sleep. I was the same as a child so it didn't bother me.

They both sleep like the dead now they're teens and I miss the cuddles!

Also op could your dc have enlarged tonsils? I was a loss how ds2 is a horrid sleeper while ds1 has always been a good one.

Ds2 has recently been diagnosed with enlarged tonsils and awaiting ent appointment. I was told that can affect sleep.

Saw an instagram post saying that less intelligent people are more likely to get a better night’s sleep… *ducks

Mine slept through from around 6 weeks & no I never left them to cry. It was just a strict Gina Ford from the start. They had a dream feed until around 5 months but stayed asleep. I’ve no idea why it’s so unpopular on Mumsnet. They didn’t really come in with us at night either. Having children doesn’t need to involve years of broken sleep.

Good routine or, more likely, you have a child who needs a lot of sleep.

Apparently I was sleeping through in the maternity home.

I was 10 LB though when I was born and I think that makes a difference, a bigger belly to fill and longer to empty so I didn't need to wake up.

My older brother had been a different story so I think my parents counted their blessings.

Perfectly possible. I NEVER thought that would be me, I was up 3x a night with one of mine and working full time (I thought I would die from exhaustion) and then he had melatonin for about 3 months, it didn’t really work except for the 1st 2-3 hours as it helped him fall asleep quicker. We stopped the melatonin as it gave him nightmares (we think it was that) and then he just started sleeping! It was like a dream come true but he was 6 so if yours are younger than that then honestly it could improve, don’t give up hope. I still sometimes pinch myself. I am very strict when he does rarely get up in the night, straight back to bed and no chit chat.

It might get better, I was a zombie for years and now we get 9-10 hours, wishing that for you because sleep deprivation is no joke.

That's not 12 hours it's 10 hours which seems pretty normal for small children.

Mine always did, 6-6 from a few weeks old.. She's 7 now and sleeps 8-6 (I know that is 10 hours) once she's asleep she's out until the alarm goes off.

never did controlled crying - didn’t need to. Just a good routine as a baby which installed good sleep habits

*...and had a baby who just slept well.

Trust me, parents of babies and children who don't sleep well have routines. We really do. We're possibly even more rigid with them than those who have good sleepers (because we're desperate for a good night's sleep).

and I’d never, ever tell this to anyone who has a young baby or is complaining about their kids sleep!

Um....that's literally what you're doing now, to OP!

My 1st slept really well once he was over 6 months. Our 2nd oh man she nearly broke us, didnt sleep through till she was nearly 3. Many a night one of us fell asleep on her floor. We laugh about it now but that was a rough few years, fuelled by a lot of coffee.

Do you believe everything you read on Instagram🙄

My children are much older now, so I can safely say that although routine is part of it, that really isn’t the whole picture. I had two children who had exactly the same routine, one slept a good 10-12 hours, and the other about four hours on a good night. I was also that person who (in retrospect, a bit smugly) thought it was all down to good routine when I just had a good sleeper! In reality I think children are like adults in that some just need more sleep than others.

Unless they are very little, isn't this completely normal?

Under twos then different but for children rather than toddlers?

Mine will come in if ill or have wet bed (so rarely). If it's for a chat then they'd be put straight back to bed.

Are her kids just older than yours?

Yeah..... Nah.

It's down to a good routine and knowing what's happening IF your DC is a good sleeper and responds well to that.

But some DC are just poor sleepers and it's not for want of trying by the parents. Suggesting the parents just aren't trying hard enough isn't particularly helpful.

That’s 10 hours of sleep. Perfectly normal for kids. Bedtime in my home is 7:30 (but flexible), I wake the kids at 8am, they don’t get up on their own.

Mine regularly slept 10-11 hours by school age (there is a very wide variety with babes and toddlers and I’m sure many don’t manage 10 hours when little) but were always outside a lot and active. Even now as teenagers they get 8-9 hours - I worry they need more. It’s down to good routines. Everyone has bumpy patches where sleep gets disrupted but I wouldn’t tolerate being woken up for a chat/glass of water - nightmare/illness entirely different, or occasionally if they’vecwoken up worrying about something. Sleep is the critical thing (after food and exercise) to get right and it does require hard work at times.

Can I ask how you did this? Mine is very young (six weeks) so still waking about every three hours to feed, but I’m already looking ahead hopefully to a time when he will sleep for longer. When you say you were strict from the start, do you mean the very start (i.e. early weeks) or later on? Thank you

All children are different. How you parent also has some input to their sleep. But also, it could just be luck of figuring what causes them to wake. My eldest slept through from 6 months 7pm-7am. Never any issues with her. My second born did not sleep 12 hours until he was 13 months, partly because I ran in any time he made a peep because I was worried he would wake his sister (20 months apart). Once I stopped running in he started sleeping in and not waking at all. I also learned when he was 4 months he had a slight dairy intolerance and if he had dairy he would wake 5 times a night. Once I cut dairy from my diet he woke once a night. Our third woke once a night until she was 8 months. Now all 3 still sleep through the night...but obviously the older ones do not need 12 hours...more like 9-10.

None of mine slept through reliably until they started school! I’m clearly a complete failure as a parent 🤦‍♀️🙄 we did all the routines and it made no difference
that said, DH never sleeps through and he’s 50. Never has.

My DD is 15 and this week she’s been in our room at 04:30 due to bad dreams.

6 weeks is still young and they need to feed that often. But, you can start to try and lengthen the time you give feeds at night, by feeding them more during the day as they get older. But 6 weeks they still have tiny tummies....so it will take more time until they can go longer.