Visiting a school run dad when he is on his own

[Eastie77Returns]

I know MN has strong opinions on this so thought I’d ask😅 Would you consider it inappropriate for a woman visit a school run SAHD she is friendly when he is on his own at home during the day? It is for a coffee and chat about a work related matter. All DC are at school and his wife is at work.

My DC had a sleep over some years back, I knew the wife would be out the next day and the husband was left minding the kids. When I went to collect DC, the husband asked if I wanted a brew. We had a brew and a chat (while the kids used him as a climbing frame). It was just a coffee and a chat no more no less. Doubt I would have done it under other circumstances though. Totally depends if there is another motive from either of you and how the other DW/DH feel about it.

Yeah. The very fact you have even posted this says it all. You know it he knows it. It’s inappropriate. Don’t do it.

I find this thread totally bizarre. Two adult people having coffee during the day in someone’s kitchen is not inappropriate in any way!

Sweet

this

I don’t really feel it’s disrespectful to his wife if I have a coffee in their house while she is at work.

And if he offered to take me to a ‘smart café’ I’m sure people would take issue with that. “why is he offering to take you out to a nice cafe when a simple coffee at home could do? This is a dating scenario, how disrespectful of you both..” etc.

You can’t win on MN!

It is totally bizarre. A disproportionate number of Mners seem to be incapable of seeing men as anything other than sex objects, which is presumably why they seem to leap from ‘coffee in a male friend’s kitchen’ to ‘writhing on the marital bed’ or from ‘going to the cinema’ to ‘heavy petting in the back row’.

It is about nuances rather than your description of various fairly unlikely scenarios.

Are you married, OP?

I wouldn't meet for coffee at his house (assuming DC will be at school rather than at the house with you) because I feel it leaves spece for doubt and misunderstanding. Even if you both have only the purest of intentions, if you drop an earring or his DW finds traces of your lipstick on a coffee cup, or a nosyneighbour talks about "your husband's lady friend" to her, etc, that puts her in a horrible situation (we've all seen those types of thread on MN!). It seems disrespectful to his wife and your DH (if you have one) to create the potential for those feelings.

Just meet at a coffee shop! Less chance of misunderstanding and the coffee will probably be better.

It sounds as though you think it is fine. So go ahead with your own instincts.

If DP received help from someone to get a job in their office (who happened to be a woman) and said “Jenny’s popping round for a coffee tomorrow to help prep me for the project I’ll be working on when I start next week” I literally wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

For all I know, this is the conversation he had with his wife??

But I started the thread to get different perspectives so it’s interesting to see all these views. I do find the talk of boundaries and disrespect a bit bizarre though.

There's literally no ‘nuance’ about a cup of coffee in someone’s house.

And, @LuerLock, why on earth would you think the OP visit would be a secret? That the guy’s wife wouldn’t know all about it and say ‘How was X?’ Or ‘Ask X if she lost an earring — this isn’t mine’?

Well, he hasn't mentioned his DW to OP (which I think is a bit odd in itself), so it appears that he may not want to draw attention to the other women in his life.

Plus an unhealthy dose of "what would the neighbours think!!?!"

Protected from hysteria, yes, you’re probably right.

What a load of cobblers. It is absolutely fine to meet a man about a work project.

I do find the talk of boundaries and disrespect a bit bizarre though

Given that you asked for opinions, and find the ones about boundaries and respect bizarre, out of interest, @Eastie77Returns , what did you think the reasons would be for some posters thinking you should notgo to the sahdad’s house while his wife was at work?

I was after opinions but..

I didn’t expect to be told I should ensure I’m taking birth control when I go there.

That’s it’s disrespectful to drink coffee in a house other than your own if the woman of the house is not there.

That’s it’s possible I’ll be sexually assaulted and no woman should ever, under any circumstances, be alone with a man in a non public setting.

Don’t lesbians have the highest divorce rate?

Why not go round when the wife is home just to be above board.

I wouldn't be wild about a woman I don't know coming round when I'm at work but I wouldn't be that bothered about a meeting outside the home unless it became too chummy sounding.

My husband is going to be a SAHP from January and I do really hope some of my friends (or he makes new baby friends) hang out with him and aren't fearful of it being inappropriate. I trust my husband and would hate for him to be lonely at home. (Admittedly he will have a baby with him which would likely put most inappropriateness to rest, but my point stands)

Can I ask why you wouldn’t be happy with a woman coming round when you are at work? I’m assuming you trust your husband and if so, what do you think might happen?

Yes, but I was asking out of interest what you did expect would be reasons people had for telling you not to go to his house?

Only if his wife is ok with it