Visiting a school run dad when he is on his own

[Eastie77Returns]

I know MN has strong opinions on this so thought I’d ask😅 Would you consider it inappropriate for a woman visit a school run SAHD she is friendly when he is on his own at home during the day? It is for a coffee and chat about a work related matter. All DC are at school and his wife is at work.

I wouldnt think anything of it. DH has been at home much more than me and found it quite lonely at times. Men and women can just be friends.

In one of the messages he said he owes me a drink as a thank you for helping him get the job.

In another he wrote I can’t thank you enough for this, you’ve been an amazing help.

I honestly didn’t think either message was dodgy in any way.

Why can’t you just go & meet him when his wife is home from work ?

They don’t sound dodgy, he sounds very grateful.

But again, I’d be keeping this new work colleague, school run dad, on neutral ground in a coffee shop.

if you’re asking about it, then you have doubts also, so play on the cautious side.

Not on their own, but why two messages? That does seem a bit unnecessary. I would feel more comfortable meeting somewhere neutral for coffee. Is that the kind of drink he feels he owes you?

Are you incapable of being on your own with a man without trying to have sex with him? Then no it's not inappropriate. People have strange rules on this like it's Victorian England. He's a SAHD, who else is he going to see than other Mums?

Or, do this.

From your op, I thought absolutely no problem, but unless your friend is a bit dramatic in general, I'd probably take her advice

Maybe because women are women and men are not.

I would feel more comfortable in a coffee shop/when wife was home…

Does his wife know about it?

It's a tricky one. I spent quite a few years as a lone father and it was always very obvious that the overwhelming majority of parents who turned up at the school gates were women and that the majority of those viewed me with the utmost suspicion. It was very isolating. At the same time, I also appreciate that the behaviour of other men made that level of suspicion deserved. I was also made redundant following the 2008 financial apocalypse and I'd have been incredibly grateful for anyone who could have put some work my way at the time.

I'm forever grateful for the school parents who treated me like just another school parent rather than a potential threat but at the same time I understand why those who didn't, didn't. Your safety has to take top priority so if you have reservations then the prudent option would be to back off.

I think the issue is that a lot of men do in fact think that way.

Probably a bit paranoid, but if you have done him a massive favour, I would keep the meeting ground as neutral as possible.

Happened to me. A remote worker school dad did the same walks as me and I enjoyed chatting outside. He invited me to his for a coffee. His wife worked in the school where I had my children. I declined. Even if his intentions were innocent I know that things could get misinterpreted and all hell could brake loose. @Eastie77Returns I would definitely meet outside. But something tells me that you really want to go home to him..

I cannot comprehend the mindset of people who believe nobody can be alone with a member of the opposite sex without fucking them.

OP, of course it’s OK.

My favourite school parent was a SAHD and yes I’d pop round for a coffee during the day a couple of times a week, usually around school drop off / pick up times, sometimes with kids sometimes without. Never accidentally shagged him and we’re still good mates to this day.

All that said, some of the more ‘small town mentality’ mums definitely raised eyebrows. Luckily my husband and his wife never batted an eyelid.

I'm good friends with a couple of school dads. Our kids are no longer at the same school, so now they are just friends rather than 'school dad friends'. One has even come to the house a couple of times to do DIY that my husband did not have the right tools for 😱 I was very grateful and bought him some beer to say thank you. We managed to not have sex with each other and neither of our spouses were remotely concerned!

Any reason why you wouldn’t meet in a coffee shop? I have plenty of male friends who I meet up with one to one but I’ve never had any of them over to my house when my DP isn’t there and I’ve never been alone any of them in their homes - always either a few friends or our partners around.
I think it’s overstepping and I’m fairly relaxed about these things

Tell us about your underwear 🤨

My partner is a SAHD, I can confirm I wouldn’t think twice if he had a friend / mum round to the house while the kids were out and I was at work.

😂

they don’t live together so presumably she’s not going home to him?

If all hell could break loose by you having a coffee on an another person’s house I literally can’t imagine if something genuinely dramatic happened to you.

Id be fine with this, he sounds so greatful for your help and youre going around to help prep for the job. I guess the only issue will be if his wife us not ok with it (can't imagine why not but some people are iffy about these things) or if she doesnt know and then finds out from a neighbour she may jump to conclusions or cause drama for you. I reckon if you have a DP let him/her know in advance and all should be fine.
But if youre questioning it for any particular reason or feel a bit unsure then just opt for a coffee shop

Mumsnet is a parallel universe I swear. No WAY is it OK/acceptable for a woman to go and meet a married man in his home for a 'coffee' - just the two of them - while his wife is at work.

No wife is going to be OK with this.

No. WAY.

(Especially as, judging by this man's messages @Eastie77Returns he clearly wants a shag!)

????