Feeling so sad about kids Christmas lists

[drivinmecrazy]

Normally our kids (not so much kids than young adults) would ask for the moon on a stick and we’d strive to produce that and a perfect Christmas.

this year, like many, has been tougher than most.

so I’ve given them a £200 budget, or there about.

they seem quite ok with that but I’m feeling really mean yet I don’t know why.

For context they are 20 & 24.

help me to feel better about this please.

we could indulge them more but luckily they’re not in need or want of big ticket items this year so it would seem a waste. If they were we’d obviously stretch for that.

one DD has her birthday just before Christmas so her birthday budget will remain unchanged obviously.

still can’t help but feeling a little bit miserly cos we could stretch things.

I guess I’m remembering their huge piles on Christmas Day when they were little but it’s so not the same 😞

Could you book something for you all to do as a family next year - theatre tickets or something?
i get what you mean though. My youngest moved into a studio flat and has no room and asked me not to buy him loads of stuff - but it’s hard not to.

@drivinmecrazy You say "though I’m sure I’ll still end up in a cycle of Amazon parcels being thrust at me with no idea what I have ordered.
all for my benefit rather than theirs.
my point is probably that I’m not ready to let go of those christmases past but I really do need to because it’s become redundant."

You're sad because you can't waste more than £200 on tat that your children have told you they do not want?

Hmmm.

Yes you should totally buy more ,OP. They need a big pile to come down to. 20 or more presents
@drivinmecrazy

Argh! Don't buy the tat! My mum did that and I hated it. Your kids have asked you not to. Don't do it.

And £200 is loads. You are upset about not doing the Christmas gift thing? They will have great presents with that budget.

Look, you should have let it go them being tiny a long, long, long time ago. They are fully fledged adults now and don't need to be treated like toddlers.

Maybe try reframe your Christmas. It can't be about piles of presents and excitement of waiting Santa and decorating gingerbread anymore. Why don't you make it a more of an adult celebration, make some mulled wine and enjoy the time off from stressful jobs / studies, make some good food and just enjoy some family time.

Forget about the pile of tatty pressies, honestly. Try focus on the important stuff!

As soon as I was 18 I got £50, I was working after all. As soon as I had my first at 23, I got a pair of slippers, my DC got instead. I don't spend much more that £200 on my 3 youngest DC. They are 13, 9, 8 the eldest is 20 and working so gets a lot less.

Do these two women not do sociable things with their own friends/partners? I think you are grieving at no longer having young children. Maybe now it is time to open the door and let them build their own traditions.

1- its a perfectly generous budget
2- your dc are adults!

Stop stressing!

Do people really still do this for adults? We just do small but considered gifts. Observation through the year and get something meaningful.

My parents certainly never spent £200 on me for Xmas after the age of 20, & I still lived at home 🤣 by that age I probably just got a voucher for clothes or maybe perfume which I hate buying myself! this is so strange to me but each family is different I suppose…

I spend £100 on my adult dc and £50 on their partners I think it’s plenty.

I thought this thread was going to be someone genuinely struggling with the COL & who wouldn't be able to buy her small children Christmas gifts this year.
But instead it's one of the most classic first world problem MN threads ever!

You're sad because you are "only" gifting your adult children £200 each this year?

And meanwhile back in the real world....🙄

I’m 37 and my sisters are 34 and 35. My mum still asks us to write a list 😂 well, it’s more of a WhatsApp in our family group chat these days 🤣
To the OP though, they are not expecting ‘piles of presents’ at that age. Heck, we didn’t even get piles of presents when we were children as my parents couldn’t afford it. We had a stocking with sweets and chocolates in and then one main present, accompanied by maybe one or two little presents.

I am 35 and bless my mum but it’s taken me fifteen years of gentle persuading that I do NOT WANT piles of tat. It piles up around my house. I don’t want lots of stuff. She’s only taken the hint now because I have kids and she can buy them piles of tat - they’re small so they still love it. I’m happy with having a house full on the day and a box of malteasers.

£200 is a massive budget for 20 and 24 year old DC. I was married with DD at 24 and spent Christmas with the in laws with a £40 present limit.
Having said this, my mum now buys huge present piles for the grandchildren, we were fairly young parents so I guess she didn’t have to wait long to start doing them again!

But a huge pile of crap means nothing. Put thought into the gift and use the money wisely and get them something worth while. Not a pile of things they won’t use.

Surely one nice quality gift for adult children would be more appreciated than a pile of stuff just because. £200 is a generous budget for a fab quality item that will last them years.

I think £200 is a brilliant budget and you could get some brilliant deals online to buy more presents but stay within the budget. What about their favorite make up or clothes brands? A cute mug or really nice quality cosy socks? Skincare brand they love? Somethung towards a hobby they love? As an adult those sort of things would be more of the go to but with so many online deals im sure you will still find lots you can get them :)

You say you are missing the lovely little fun bits - I saw a lovely idea that may help you with this and it’s really thoughtful. My children are still littles but but someone else I saw a “For when you…” album.

Basically a cheap photo album and then you fill it for different situations.

For example- when you need a coffee- Starbucks voucher
when you need a pick me up- chocolate bar
when you need a 5 min relax - tea bag
when you need to cry- tissues
when you next have a cold- lemsip
when you want to watch a film cinema voucher
when you’ve partied to hard - paracetamol
when you want to remember a good time- photo

something like this it even just a photo album would help “fill” but still be low cost.

Also how crafty are you? Can you make something?

That's insane.

They are adult dc. Don’t understand why you are sad.

I’ve never spent that on my dc

now they are adults and have partners and dc it will be more like £50-70

You’re sad that your 20 and 24 year old children don’t want a pile of toys? I think you’re inventing a problem here…

Everyone knows as you get older, cost of each item goes up so you get less. You can’t wrap up pens, pencil cases etc. Already prepping DD 9! lol

Just editing to say you could go and get some cheap socks etc to pad it out but they’re not going to care- they’d probably rather 2/3 or even 1 big gift /treat. At that age they’re buying what they want themselves all year around anyway.

I would not dream of spending as much as £200 each on my children at any age. This is everything that is wrong with Christmas in my view. It's about being together. You are lucky to be able to do that.

How much do you typically spend on christmas presents for each? £200 each doesn't look too bad, unless you get them Chanel handbags as a typical gift.