DH annoyed I got Botox

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

5 years ago, I got Botox for the very first time at my crows feet area. My mum paid for it for my 30th birthday. I loved the result. However, my DH was very openly against it - “nothing wrong with your face” blah blah blah. He was so against it that I never did it again.

until now. I was on annual leave last week and I got Botox, and didn’t tell my husband. I got 3 areas and it was £170. I didn’t outwardly lie I just didn’t mention it. And I knew he wouldn’t notice a difference in my face because men just don’t.

Yesterday, he was cleaning my car and found my aftercare booklet in my driver door side. Tonight, we were driving home and he hits out with “you never told me you got Botox” and I said “I didn’t know you knew?” He then explained finding the booklet. I apologised for not telling him but explained I knew he wouldn’t react well. He said “you’re right, you don’t need it, what a waste of money.”

i’m so annoyed he’s found out as now I’ve got all the same returning feelings I had 5 years ago. I feel guilty for spending the money on myself, daft for caring what I look like, and feeling like I’ve disappointed my husband.

am I in the wrong?

You can spend your own damn money on whatever you please

I always think men who comment on beauty stuff/the cost of being a woman have a bit of sexism about it. I just don’t believe that men join the bloody dots with the women they follow on instagram or celebrities they fancy on television and then think that it costs a fortune to look that good.

Ignore him, your face, your money.

He shouldn’t comment, but I can see his point. If my husband had poison injected into his face in order to have less wrinkles, I would be horrified too. You’ll have a thousand people on the thread defending it but I do think it is a sorry state of affairs that a woman of 35 years of age feels she has to go through these lengths. The same people will say they do it for themselves, not for others, but is that true? It all comes from societal pressure. Where are the men getting botox to feel good in themselves? Yes there might be one or two men with very specific looks.

I agree with this.

Not your face though is it? OP didn't ask for your opinion on whether she should have it or not.

@Screwyoucolin the point is that this could be where her husband is coming from. I too would be horrified if my husband had Botox so perhaps this in part explains the OP’s husband’s reaction. She is asking for opinions on the whole situation and she herself says she feels daft for caring what she looks like. Perhaps deep down she is not secure in her decision, she certainly doesn’t sound like it - why hide it from the husband otherwise - I’m giving my opinion so that OP knows there are lots of women who are not into Botox and there is a world out there were people just age naturally and it is fine. Why are you so interested in normalising these quite invasive procedures? I’m just doing the opposite and normalising natural ageing

It’s your face and your money. If your DH is disappointed, that is his lookout. For me, if my DH ever asks where I’m going for my Botox/profhilo appointments? I tell him “face stabbing”. He says “ok. Hope it’s not too painful” End of. He really doesn’t give a shit what I look like or where I spend my money, as long as I’m happy.

Obviously you can do what you like but I think you should have told him. I also agree with basically everything @Pancakeorcrepe said. My DP would be really upset if I did this and he’d be genuinely worried about my mental health.

if my DH spent 170 quid on something unnecessary and we needed it for something else like food, I'd be livid.

If it was my own money and had no impact on family finance? no issue

He’s proved his own point really by not even noticing.

My DH was shocked to learn which of our group has Botox, lip fillers etc in an recent conversation even though one of our friends looks quite markedly different now if you compare photos of her a few years ago. I think most men are quite clueless about this stuff but I think there are a few tells which I personally notice.

That's a good price for 3 areas 😄

Firstly, it is not up to him you can do what you want, although with the caveat that for example if things had been tight financially at the time then this was not a priority and I would be annoyed (I don’t think this is the case you haven’t said this was an issue). But even moreso, I would be concerned at the fact that you didn’t feel able to mention it to your husband even in passing, not because you need his approval not at all but just because that doesn’t seem healthy to me.

Agree with all of this. I'd be gutted if anyone I care about felt insecure enough to do this and it would affect how I felt about them. It wouldn't be straightforward for me.

I think a lot of men are vastly deluded about the number of women who have botox and they don't realise. They just think that's what they look like. A little goes a long way.

I personally have decided that there's more important things to fret over in life about the morals of having a little botox or not. At the end of the day we live in a visual culture and if it makes me feel more confident about going out to work in my 50s then fuck it.

It's like people hating on you as a woman because you decided to go to the gym and lift heavy weights. You can't win OP. Fuck them. Your body, your choice.

I think a lot of men are vastly deluded about the number of women who have botox and they don't realise
I suspect I am. To the best of my knowledge I don't know anyone who has. I've never heard anyone in real life talk about going for it.

DH shares he doesn’t agree with Botox ! He doesn’t know I have it . He believes one session of Botox and you look lika a wax work .

I feel bad for not telling him but i don’t as I don’t want to hear him moan about it.

Ironically he has not noticed. I pray this continues .

His sister has not one wrinkle on her head
I said to DH - I’m sure your sister has Botox and he is adamant she would never. Her head is wrinkle free and shiny at 55!! Hmmmm

OP asked for opinions and everyone has the right to say what they think. I also find it sad that women feel they have to do this.

What is his reason for having an issue with it? Money? That it may change your face? Risks? He’s just controlling?

You had Botox when you were 30?? Christ on a bike, what are we doing to young women.

I know of two women that had it in their early 20s.

Not in the wrong at all. I started having Botox at 29, I’ve always had quite a wrinkly forehead. When I’m ‘due’ again, I can tell and (I feel) I start looking a bit crap. Having it makes me feel nice, skin looks loads better. Men typically really don’t notice unless they’re told (or find the ‘evidence’ 😆 in your case), and yet I don’t think I know a single one of my friends partners who don’t also moan about the woman not needing it and so on, despite not noticing it off of their own back to begin with. Ignore it, and you keep having your pampering, as and when you see fit 🙌🏻

your body, your decision, based on no financial issues. Personally I think under 40 is young but I wouldn’t make the comments your dh did. It’s doesn’t appear to be an obvious change and if it makes you happy then all is good.

botox is a personal decision and there are a lot of people who disagree. If dh had said… op you know my feelings, and you are beautiful as you are, I fancy you rotten. So you don’t need it … and left it there then that’s fine. It’s not ok to make you feel shit

We can all waste money in other people opinions… so I choose to waste mine in ways I enjoy and stick my tongue out at any derogatory comments…

I agree with this.

I know I'll be accused of being " judgemental" but I absolutely would think differently about someone who had botox. Or fillers, or any of these other cosmetic procedures.

I hate the fact that the women who chose to do this seem desperate to normalise it. When it is the very antithesis of normal.

Meh, your body, your money your choice, I don’t get the hysteria on here, someone even wrote her husband would be concerned about her mental health lol. It’s just another beauty treatment.

I had it in my 30s and 4os, bizzarely now I’m in my fifties I’ve stopped, for the simple reason no one knew back then as it wasn’t as common, and everyone thought it was just great skin, but now so many have it it’s blindingly obvious to me, and to be fair my skin is great naturally, so I’m good with a few forehead wrinkles.

my husband knew and was fine with it, he also thought I didn’t need it, but respected my choice, never told anyone. I don’t think you should let your husband make you feel shit, or any one else on here, who is trying to do the same, as said, it’s fine, just another beauty treatment.

Meh I think you just come across as a little insecure and silly to be honest.