DH annoyed I got Botox

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

5 years ago, I got Botox for the very first time at my crows feet area. My mum paid for it for my 30th birthday. I loved the result. However, my DH was very openly against it - “nothing wrong with your face” blah blah blah. He was so against it that I never did it again.

until now. I was on annual leave last week and I got Botox, and didn’t tell my husband. I got 3 areas and it was £170. I didn’t outwardly lie I just didn’t mention it. And I knew he wouldn’t notice a difference in my face because men just don’t.

Yesterday, he was cleaning my car and found my aftercare booklet in my driver door side. Tonight, we were driving home and he hits out with “you never told me you got Botox” and I said “I didn’t know you knew?” He then explained finding the booklet. I apologised for not telling him but explained I knew he wouldn’t react well. He said “you’re right, you don’t need it, what a waste of money.”

i’m so annoyed he’s found out as now I’ve got all the same returning feelings I had 5 years ago. I feel guilty for spending the money on myself, daft for caring what I look like, and feeling like I’ve disappointed my husband.

am I in the wrong?

I get Botox and I don’t care what anyone else thinks. I mean, DH isn’t at all concerned that I get it done, but even if he was, I’d still do it. My face, my money, my decision.

I would say the same to a 30-35 yo. You don't need it and it's a waste of money. That's my opinion.

I wouldn't exactly be annoyed though, as long as the person could afford it. But if someone I loved started getting obsessed with Botox and fillers etc I would definitely discourage them.

I’d be upset if I were him. Not because of the Botox but because you were sneaky about it. I’d find that childish.

So everyone who chooses botox is 'very shallow' .....your nice arent you?

I'm not nice either. I agree with her

If you want Botox, get it. He is entitled to an opinion but that's all it is. Don't let it bother you. It's nice in a way that he is so adamant you don't need it. I would be upfront about though as you shouldn't have to hide it. I think that might make you feel guilty when there is no need.

My DP spends on very pricey products (that I think are a bit of a con), and has a thing for a nice watch. I think one watch is too many. I like to voice my opinions and he likes to ignore them. I kind of admire that in him.

I'd be annoyed with DH if he spent £170 on sticking something in his face that he didn't need and that wore off after a few months. His face and all that, but I wouldn't be happy.

That you're doing this when you're this young shows just how insidious this industry has become.

Can you explain how it isn't shallow?

No bruises after Botox, perhaps a tiny bit of concealer is needed the day after but that’s it.

Why if it’s his £170, why is it different than spending in a nice dinner out or a posh face cream etc etc?

Dont apologise. You're not sorry. You're sorry he found out because you know he will gove you shit - but that doesnt mean you're sorry you did it. What it means is you are already self policing your actions because "you know how he gets"...

Not a nice place to be.

Tell him, you dont give one iota whether HE THINKS you need it or HE THINKS its a waste if money. You think differently. You dont appreciate him making comment where its not asked.

@FastTurtle If he's spending £170 on a nice meal then he'd better be taking me! I would hope we would agree on that amount for a one off special dinner.

£170 on a face creams? I'd feel the same as the botox. Probably more so, as face creams have little or no effect on lines.

If he started to buy into face fillers and botox I'd be questioning his sanity.

Do you and your DH have separate fun money or are all your your finances completely combined? I think this makes a big difference. My DH have our own separate spending money so if he decides to spend £400 on a new golf club which I think is madness it does not have any impact on me.

I get his point. I find it sad that at 35 you feel the need to inject toxins into your face and I’m sure he’s right, that you don’t need it. I mean, nobody does but at 35 you definitely can’t have that many wrinkles.

It’s obviously your money, body and choice but I would probably say the same to DH if he decided to do this. I’d understand something like a hair transplant if he lost his hair because I can see how that could easily devastate a person but Botox for a couple of fine lines just seems a bit bonkers.

You have every right to have Botox. I've been using a laser to diminish my dark circles and it's amazing how much better I feel about myself.

Of course we have separate money - we both work full time and earn roughly the same.

A sport like golf that keeps him fit and healthy? Lovely, crack on.

Well done to you for keeping your comment so rational and intellectual. Not easy, but you've really pulled it off. You are a truly admirable human being. Brava!

So why would an expensive meal need to be discussed?

As others have said, it's your money and your choice, however, Botox comes with some risks and it can completely change how someone looks (it they go too far with it ), so I can see his POV too.

What I am surprised about is do people really not notice when someone has had botox? It is always pretty obvious to me, it changes a person's face so I find it hard that so many people's husbands dont realise their wives have had botox when they see them everyday.

Because we'd be going together and would discuss where we'd go, of course.

I obviously didn't make it clear what I meant by that.
If personal spends mean struggling to pay the bills, then obviously the impact on joint finances is such that there would be an argument for just not doing it. Op has explained how her Botox was financed - by £20 a month that is allocated to her personal spends. £20 a month would have no impact on most joint finances. I personally end up spending more than that when I go to buy bread. It's an amount that's completely un- noticeable.