DH annoyed I got Botox

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

5 years ago, I got Botox for the very first time at my crows feet area. My mum paid for it for my 30th birthday. I loved the result. However, my DH was very openly against it - “nothing wrong with your face” blah blah blah. He was so against it that I never did it again.

until now. I was on annual leave last week and I got Botox, and didn’t tell my husband. I got 3 areas and it was £170. I didn’t outwardly lie I just didn’t mention it. And I knew he wouldn’t notice a difference in my face because men just don’t.

Yesterday, he was cleaning my car and found my aftercare booklet in my driver door side. Tonight, we were driving home and he hits out with “you never told me you got Botox” and I said “I didn’t know you knew?” He then explained finding the booklet. I apologised for not telling him but explained I knew he wouldn’t react well. He said “you’re right, you don’t need it, what a waste of money.”

i’m so annoyed he’s found out as now I’ve got all the same returning feelings I had 5 years ago. I feel guilty for spending the money on myself, daft for caring what I look like, and feeling like I’ve disappointed my husband.

am I in the wrong?

Was thinking the same 😂 My partner couldn’t care less that I get Botox (with my own money). I get nothing else done and always say I still want movement.

I'm not the one so obsessed with my appearance and so insecure about it that I feel the need to have botox or other artificial interventions.
I'm secure enough in my own self not to be pressurised into desperate attempts to stave off the signs of aging.

I kind of get where he is coming from to be honest, I'd be gutted if DH had a procedure like that and hid it from me. I'm going to assume it's your own money rather than from the family pot or any shared finances but 30s is really young and your mum paying for it when you were only 30 feels quite sad.

I have been using weight loss injections this year. DH still doesn’t know and I’ve lost over 20% of my body weight!!!

I try to be careful so he doesn’t find out.

it’s my money and my body. And I’m not explaining myself to him.

you do you and don’t get caught next time!!!!

It’s your face and your choice. Is it the amount of money bothering him? Or something deeper? Botox is representative of a societal pressure for women to perpetually look like teen/early twenties girls and it’s just not the values DH and I have, so if he suddenly changed his mind about it and spent £170 on it, it might make me look at him differently.

i dont like botox but not my body-if its your money and doesnt affect anyone else then do what you like

I don't have Botox but if I did it is the sort of thing I just would not mention to my DH, he wouldn't notice and he wouldn't get it.

I used to be obsessed with getting my eyebrows done and although I don't do it so much any more if I'm going out for any kind of hair of beauty thing I just say "eyebrows" to let him know I'm off out and he doesn't question it 😬

Where in the country are you getting 3 areas for 170

I assume you feel the same about people dying grey hairs? And make up? Fake tan? Gel nails? Shapewear? Padded bras?

I was waiting for 'its a waste of money ' - its because you are spending money on youself.
Do not feel guilt tripped at all ! If he cared he would talk about side affects or say you don't need it because you already look great ..

God its so depressing.
I would be a bit fucked off if DH spent money on this sort of thing as I think its sad that people are so anti being their age. What's wrong with looking a bit older?

I am not anti any of just think its sad that people (90% women) feel the need to do this stuff. There is so so much pressure on women and girls to look a certain way nowadays. It has always been there but its got much more pervasive.

I agree. It's sad. But I understand why women feel so much pressure and it's become so normalised. That's what is sad.

Yeah I think it depends on the circumstances, can you comfortably afford it without sacrificing anything then your family needs? Then absolutely, your body your choice and he gets no say in the matter.

Two arguments to this, both are 'right'.

DH might spend £170+ on a hobby, let's say DH likes doing up his car and spends £170 on a new part you might not be too bothered and you could say vice versa, your hobby is making your face look 'good' so he shouldn't care too much.

Other argument is it's family money, you'd not like him spending £170 on a hobby and it's unnecessary and wasteful.

I can see both sides.

Fwiw increasingly I wish more women would just embrace the ageing process because these treatments are so expensive and also dangerous. And that's another beauty expense on top of hair cuts, creams make up (and probably a lot more).

Mostly yes to be honest. None of that is really on my radar. My mum has been dying her hair for as long as I can remember and I don't know why but it matters to her. If DH started dying his hair I would feel uncomfortable about it.

Your money, your face, your choice. My bf doesn’t know either. I don’t feel the need to mention it as I CBA with a you-don’t-need-that convo, and he’s never noticed…

I remember during COVID when people couldn't get to hairdressers there were many women who had been dying their hair routinely for years decided to " go grey".
There was a lot of publicity about this and women reported feeling really liberated by not dying their hair . And actually embracing how they looked with grey hair.

I’m sure OP got it for herself and not because she wants to try to emulate women on instagram.

I agree. I often wonder how these young women will cope when they turn 50, if they can’t bear how they look at age 30. I used to worry about being chubby at 30, but never in a million years would I have thought I needed to inject toxins to flatten wrinkles. Proper ageing will hit these women hard I think.

I agree with this.

I think it’s up to you whether you want Botox or not, for me it’s far weirder that it’s something you feel the need to hide from your partner. That would be a much bigger issue for me.

I’m honestly surprised that your mum paid when you were 30. I would hope that a woman in her 50s/60s would have innate confidence and not encourage you to inject Botox. I’m sorry. I do see your dh’s pov here.

In theory yes, but I think there's more context needed. If they as a couple are struggling a bit financially and things are tight, or even if they are getting by but things like holidays etc require joint saving then I can see why he would be annoyed at op dropping £170 on this as its a significant amount of money especially in the mouth of Christmas.

I'm all for you feeling good op and provided you can easily afford it then I think it's fine for him to roll his eyes a bit about it, but it's not fine for him to actually make you feel bad about it.

I do agree it's sad that women now are under so much pressure not to age which is just impossible.

Your body your choice.

it does sadden me that we live in such a looks driven society that women are doing this in their 20s and 30s though.