DH annoyed I got Botox

[Thingscouldntgetanyworse]

5 years ago, I got Botox for the very first time at my crows feet area. My mum paid for it for my 30th birthday. I loved the result. However, my DH was very openly against it - “nothing wrong with your face” blah blah blah. He was so against it that I never did it again.

until now. I was on annual leave last week and I got Botox, and didn’t tell my husband. I got 3 areas and it was £170. I didn’t outwardly lie I just didn’t mention it. And I knew he wouldn’t notice a difference in my face because men just don’t.

Yesterday, he was cleaning my car and found my aftercare booklet in my driver door side. Tonight, we were driving home and he hits out with “you never told me you got Botox” and I said “I didn’t know you knew?” He then explained finding the booklet. I apologised for not telling him but explained I knew he wouldn’t react well. He said “you’re right, you don’t need it, what a waste of money.”

i’m so annoyed he’s found out as now I’ve got all the same returning feelings I had 5 years ago. I feel guilty for spending the money on myself, daft for caring what I look like, and feeling like I’ve disappointed my husband.

am I in the wrong?

You know his opinion, you knew he’d be like this so it’s not a surprise. If you want it for you tell him it’s not a discussion you’ll be having with him.
I think it’s great that we have all these options available should we want to make use of them. My face has suddenly dropped over the past year and I’m looking at what I can do to make it look a bit less droopy. I’m not trying to look like a teenager just looking to get some structure to my face again. If people want to judge that then they can judge away, I don’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about this (DP has told me I don’t need it, I said thank you but I want it so will go ahead with my own money as and when I decide the right treatments for me).

Botox does iron out the wrinkles but it starts to make people look a bit weird. It can be disconcerting to look at very botoxed faces and not really gauge their feelings because their faces are expressionless.

There is a thin dividing line between botox making a face look fresh and botox making a face look uncanny and weird.

Also, I honestly find crows feet very, very attractive - when a person smiles and the wrinkles crinkle around the eyes, it is very endearing.

Maybe your husband is worried you will end up looking weird if you get too much botox?

Well it's all blown up in your Botoxed face hasnt it? you had Botox at 30 no wonder he was annoyed - vain much? Clean your own car next time - unreal - he probably would prefer someone who was all natural

I have botox. I get a full face treatment twice or three times a year and I get strong stuff, except around the lips. My other half has absolutely no interest whatsoever but has never berated me for it. I do it for me and even if he hated it I'd still do it if I wanted to. A few years ago I had an upper blepharoplasty. He said I didnt need it but it was up to me. He admitted I looked good after. I'd stop mentioning it and carry on regardless.

Surely wrinkles are mainly formed by the natural loss of skin elasticity that comes with ageing. Paralysing the muscled beneath the skin with toxins won’t prevent that.

Aren’t you bruised and bloody (pin pricked) afterwards? I genuinely don’t understand how people don’t notice.

No you are not in the wrong.
The Botox doesn't impact your joint finances. If it did, that would be the only argument I could potentially get on board with.
Your face, your choice, end of discussion.

If my partner spent £170 on having stuff injected into their face for the purpose of avoiding wrinkles I'd just be very sad that they hadn't spent it on something good like books instead. Finding out their hidden depths were actually very shallow pools would be depressing.

I really like your set-up with sending instalments to the beauty account. It’s hard when a partner doesn’t support what you enjoy getting done. I’m not a judging on procedure because I have had a few myself including cosmetic surgery (one) and lip fillers (several). My DH can get on my nerves for many other things but he doesn’t mind whether I have a procedure or not. Once he talked about some non-surgical one for himself and I wasn’t bothered at all and researched along with him. He didn’t go for it though.

Done properly, these procedures can really look great. Nothing wrong with wanting to look good.

The beauty industry is booming and up to an individual adult to decide if they go for it or not.

I hope your DH lightens up about it 💐

Because wildly deep, educated and interesting people spend 1am on MN slagging off women for their choices. Not quite sure any amount of reading can compensate for that level of pathetic.

Every spend impacts joint finances?

The more you spend on 'personal' stuff, the less there is for the family pot.

Just because you have put imaginary lines around certain money doesn't change the total amount coming in and going out.

It depends how they do their money. We each take an agreed and set amount for ourselves, we choose how we spend it. If he wants to spend £250 on lego and me £250 spend on Botox it doesn’t impact the joint finances because that money would be set aside no matter what, we both work hard and are allowed to spend some for our own interests even if the other isn’t interested (as it happens I’m very supportive of the lego!)

My point is the exact opposite. It doesn't matter how you 'do' your money. If you are a married couple, one person spending money means less money in house household. Even if you arbitrarily create allocations, the bottom line is there is less money.

Well yes, but what are you saying no one should buy anything for themselves if they’re not of benefit or agreement with both parties? My husband doesn’t need tampons but I don’t see him thinking I'm “impacting joint finances” buying something that has no benefit to him. What if a couple has entirely different interests?

I don’t see the £250 amount as being “wasted on Lego” or whatever it is spent on, I see it as £250 being given to DH for his own pleasure. Like pocket money with kids, I don’t see it as my money being spent on magazines or toys, I see it as money bringing my children joy.

No, of course not, I didn't say that at all.

Merely that it is playing a weird falsehood to justify spending on the basis something doesn't affect a household budget 'because of allocations'. The overall amount available to the household is lower.

That’s pretty pedantic. To suggest it as negatively impacting the household budget suggests you think OP needs her DH’s approval for how she spends the money, rather than just seeing it as an allocation of personal spends.

I am very torn on this, OP, because it's your money and you absolutely have a right to spend it how you like AND not tell him.

But I agree with him - I have never met a single person who "needs" Botox, and I find it sad that so many women have been conned into thinking that it makes them look better (or that it even matters if they start to look older - we all get old!).

Cosmetic procedures sit in the realm of ‘things my DH doesn’t need to know about’, along with electrolysis, hair removal, squeezing spots.

men will always say you don’t need something, and prefer a ‘natural look’, but that so called natural look is ALWAYS one that is enhanced by a good routine and habits, and possibly help

well done on having it such that it’s not obvious
throw away the booklet next time

That's just sad.

Your body, your face, your money, your decision.

But if it's not even noticeable why bother? Since he gives you grief I don't suppose it even makes you feel mentally better which is a shame. I've never understood why people willing inject poison into their faces, but that's just me.

Anyway it's entirely up to you.

I agree with him. You absolutely don't need to freeze your face.

Your body, your money, your choice.
Although he didn’t actually think you look any different and he sees your face close up every day so it’s probably not worth it.

Well it’s not up to him (assuming this is how you deal with finances) but he equally can’t help how he feels and like pp I can understand his feelings. He has no right to tell you not to do it (and he hasn’t) but he is allowed to have his own views.

Haha, now I think it is pedantic to spend money then feel the need for justify it by saying 'ah but it's from a different pot so it doesn't count'. You, as a couple, have less money. Own it! Either the household spends it or it doesn't. I think we will have to agree to disagree!

It clearly is not the money spent that annoys him as the first time you did it, it was someone else’s money.

People who get Botox are people that think very differently to me - if I married someone and then it turned out they were into things that don’t make sense to me, I’d be taken aback to.

I suggest you try therapy and have a feeling there will be a lot coming out to do with your mum, as approving and paying for your Botox when you were only 30 is messed up, imo.