Can I do anything? Ex husband won’t pay child maintenance after separating

[Wontpay]

Myself and my husband separated a few weeks ago after I found out about his affair. He’s been quite controlling for a while and this has escalated since we split and police are now looking into it as coercive control. DC (under 1) and I have moved in with family because I didn’t feel safe to continue to live in that house as he was being quite unpredictable with moods and behaviour

I asked him via email for some money to cover babys day to day costs (I have been on unpaid maternity leave and awaiting my first pay check). He has refused until we have finalised contact arrangements for our child, saying CMS will incur more fees for us both and that he apparently wants to be able to agree outside of a system like that. My solicitor has advised me that he should have frequent supervised contact with baby only until trust and stability has been rebuilt. He is very unhappy with this and framing it as my emotional needs and saying there is no legal basis for it, when the reality is his behaviour has been concerning and intimidating. Professionals have said to me it is better and safer all round to let him choose to go to court if he wishes to if he’s refusing to see baby unless it’s on his terms/on his own. I have applied for CMS anyway because I quite literally can’t afford to just wait around for him to be ready to pay it and settling contact arrangements could take a while.

I know it can take a while, can I do anything in the mean time? They don’t backdate apparently. I’ll be paid soon enough but most of my now part-time wage will go on my share of the mortgage for a house I’m not even currently in, meanwhile his proposal is not paying a penny towards his child or me and hasn’t given anything since we left at all. I can’t wrap my head around that someone could do this to 2 people they ever loved, particularly your own child.

I weirdly feel guilty to him for applying for CMS because it’s not what he wanted but I’m right in thinking it’s unacceptable to just withhold support right?

The calculator says I’d only get about £30 but better than nothing I guess!

Wow I never even thought of this. Thank you!!

Talk to Women's aid too for advice and support.
Take care, don't trust him.

Get the UC! Help with dental, prescriptions, Council Tax, some broadband suppliers have a cheaper deal for UC claiments. I qualify for help towards my electric aswell.

Make an application now to CMS.

So what?
His behaviour has blown up the family.
Play stupid games, get stupid prizes.

Unless there is a child protection consideration he won’t be required to have supervised contact. Your relationship isn’t a factor when it comes to seeing children or divorce for that matter. If you do not want to see him is there a relative that can facilitate handovers? Courts look dimly on parents who use children adversely in divorces

Not using adversely at all, have legitimate concerns about coercive and controlling behaviour and my solicitor, police and a social worker all think it’s a sensible approach for now.

I don't know if it's already been said or not but use CMS because they have an option where he can pay you directly and it costs nothing. But if he misses payments THEN they will get involved and take it directly from him - this is where the fees come in, they'll take an extra 20% from him & 4% from you, but that is only if he doesn't pay you as agreed.

Get it in as soon as possible as it does take 6+ weeks for it to start.

IF he pays you, then no one loses any money, if he doesn't then unfortunately he pays a fair bit more, and you lose a little (but that won't matter)

But you can open a claim to find out how much he should pay, you'll have an account, but he will be responsible for direct payments. Hope this makes sense & sorry if I'm repeating others

Yup but if you ever find yourself needing time off for the tot, and your work doesn't pay sickness or it messes with your salary then you'll get a bit extra if the worst happens. Worth doing

Very true

Just bumping for any more advice

Hopeful bump again

Why aren't you letting him see his child without supervision?
That seems unfair and there is no substantial evidence that he is a risk at all.
You seem to be using this as some sort of control.
Yes, maintenance is required and he was totally in the wrong to have an affair but that is separate to a future relationship with his child

Coercive and controlling behaviour towards child??????????

He's made a mistake

Not at this point it won't, no.