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Original poster

Laughed at whilst giving birth

110 replies

Horriblebirth · 20/10/2025 19:09

I gave birth a few weeks ago and have mentally blocked it out of my mind because the way I was treated was quite traumatic. I'm now starting to remember what happened.

Is it normal for anaesthetist and midwife to laugh at me when I'm screaming in pain because there's not enough time to get an epidural?

I think they thought I was being dramatic but unbeknownst to everyone my baby was over 10lbs and all I had was gas and air

They sent a different member of staff after they'd left to apologise. That wasn't even the only bad treatment I received but I can't even really explain how it made me feel.

OP posts:
JackandSallySkellington · 20/10/2025 19:10

No that’s not normal.

I’ve come to the conclusion midwives are utterly useless and aside from doing obs, they may as well not be there for all the ‘care’ they give. Half of them seem utterly indifferent to their patients.

I hope you’re okay.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 20/10/2025 19:11

I had a terrible time whilst having dd as I was overweight

Made the first few weeks home with her even harder

Congratulations on your baby, and sorry you were treated so badly. Hell is other people honestly xx

MissMoneyFairy · 20/10/2025 19:12

No, staff should not be laughing at you under any circumstances, have you been back to speak with them.

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Antenatal & postnatal Families General health
Whyjustwhy83 · 20/10/2025 19:15

Definitely not normal being laughed at, sorry you went through that. I was told off for screaming when I delivered my first though and he was nowhere near 10lb!, congratulations on your new baby. Xx

Blappengrap · 20/10/2025 19:16

No, that's disgusting. Contact PALs at your hospital and make a formal complaint, also contact your Maternity and Neonatal Voices Partnership and tell them so they can raise it as well.

Ohdearanotherone · 20/10/2025 19:16

I remember hearing the midwives talking about me in a horrible way, when they were stood at their desk and i was asking for pain relief after being induced. They were so dismissive and sneary. 15 years on I still remember how that made me feel. This wasnt the midwife who was there during the birth though. She was lovely, the horrible ones tainted my experience a bit though.

Original poster
Horriblebirth · 20/10/2025 19:19

Thank you all. I think you are right, I wasn't shown any actual care at all the whole time I was there. I'm doing okay but I think only because I've completely blocked it out. I hadn't considered contacting them since as I'm not sure what can be done about it now. What's PALS?

I was also snapped at by a midwife because I tried to sort the bedding myself (with DH help) as I was still in the blood soaked sheets 3 hours later.

Thank you for the congratulations.

OP posts:
Ohdearanotherone · 20/10/2025 19:19

Oh and my son was also 10 pounds and I ended up with a 4th degree tear which made their disdain of me even more upsetting!

Original poster
Horriblebirth · 20/10/2025 19:20

So sorry to hear others have also had bad experiences x

OP posts:
IvedoneitagainhaventI · 20/10/2025 19:20

When I gave birth to my first son as an unmarried mother over 40 years ago, when it was considered a disgraceful thing to do, I was treated absolutely appallingly during the delivery. They talked over me and about me as though I was an inhuman piece of dirt.

I thought that type of experience was something consigned to history.

I'm so angry that you had the awful experience you did. I can totally empathise with how you have been left feeling and it is totally inexcusable treatment.

Ohdearanotherone · 20/10/2025 19:22

I’m sorry you had to go through that too. Congratulations on your baby xxx

Bishopstail · 20/10/2025 19:23

I wished i had complained. Nothing changes unless you do, but i felt so vulnerable afterwards, i didn't.

Lifelover16 · 20/10/2025 19:30

I was actually shouted at for asking for pain relief - the midwife was cross because I’d pressed my call button during her coffee break. She was so mean and unpleasant and told me I’d have to wait until she’d finished her break.
This was my first request following a 30 hour labour subsequent emergency section under GA for fetal and maternal distress. I remember her nastiness vividly even 40 years later.
I have every sympathy @Horriblebirth there was absolutely no need for that attitude, a repugnant way to treat a labouring woman. I do hope you complain to PALs when you feel ready .
Congratulations on the birth of your baby 💐

Attempt333 · 20/10/2025 19:31

That's terrible, completely out of order..I also did not receive the best treatment while giving birth. I'm 2 years down the line now. My best best advice to you is : yes they were awful and it was not acceptable but please don't let it taint your first months with your baby. Tell yourself, il put that on the back burner and concentrate on me and my baby. Don't let them take anymore form you. Them when your ready bring it back to the front of your mind and complain !!! So sorry that happened xx

fratellia · 20/10/2025 19:37

I was snapped at for making noise, it was ‘unnecessary’ and one of the women in theatre said ‘we’ve all had babies we know it hurts!’ and they all laughed.

I had been terrified throughout pregnancy of the pain, my community midwife had advised I go in early so I could have epidural if I wanted. Fast forward to the day and I’d been repeatedly put off coming into hospital (not believed on the phone), ended up travelling in the car after my waters had broken, to sit in the waiting room. All while I was 7cm dilated. I’d been in labour for 24 hours by this point, battling through. By the time I was examined I was 8cm. Baby was distressed so they put in one of those drips that speed up and intensify contractions, the gas and air was taken away and I was rushed to theatre. No pain relief at all, just intense raw contractions at this point 10cm dilated. At this point it was too much and yes I screamed on the way there.

They made me feel like I was pathetic. I’d actually done really fucking well.

Funnily enough in my second labour, when I was actually supported, I didn’t make any noise (not that it matters anyway)

Anyway, I’m sorry you went through this, I really feel like women in labour are just treated differently- it’s like they don’t deserve the basic respect you would get in any other area of life. I know how tough it is but if you feel able to complain or raise it in feedback I absolutely would. X

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 20/10/2025 19:41

That’s terrible. I’ve only had positive experiences of midwives but I can see that’s not necessarily the case. I did have a bitch if a sonographer once though. Wish I’d complained but it’s probably too late now.

Devilsmommy · 20/10/2025 19:43

Whyjustwhy83 · 20/10/2025 19:15

Definitely not normal being laughed at, sorry you went through that. I was told off for screaming when I delivered my first though and he was nowhere near 10lb!, congratulations on your new baby. Xx

Yeah I had the same. Got told off for screaming. All I'd had was gas and air and I was in fucking agony obviously. She basically made out I was being a drama queen. And to top it all off, when she had to stitch me up afterwards, even though they'd applied the numbing stuff, I could feel the sharp sting every time she put the needle in. So obviously was screaming again. She told me that I didn't know what I was talking about and all I could feel was a tugging sensation. I mean how fucking condescending to say that you know how my jingo is feeling better than me😠 she soon put more stuff on after I screamed every time the needle was going in. Honestly the way they treat maternity patients is fucking disgusting and OP you'd be well within your rights to complain. Congratulations btw🎉

ShoeCanRun · 20/10/2025 19:58

I could write a book on the catalogue of errors made throughout my two pregnancies/births. I wish I’d felt able to complain at the time, but it took so long (years) to sink in for me that too long had passed. If you feel able to complain to PALS then please do.

At one point I’d been sent in for a growth scan, and when I arrived home realised that I had another woman’s notes. The switch had happened before either of us had been seen by the consultant. They had even booked the wrong person in for a c-section.

My pain wasn’t taken seriously in labour, and after 14 hours of having contractions every 2 minutes I was eventually given a bed on labour ward. I’d been asking for an epidural for several hours by this point, and couldn’t walk, but the scene they made out of getting me a wheelchair was horrendous. I much later discovered that my notes said I’d never been in labour.

When I had dc2 I lost two litres of blood. The day after my blood pressure was on the floor, and I couldn’t get down the corridor to use the bathroom without collapsing in a heap on the floor. This didn’t stop them trying to send me home (despite the ward being almost empty).

I could go on…

Buffysoldersister · 20/10/2025 20:04

I'm sorry, this is not ok. I still remember my traumatic delivery and certain members of staff being horrible when I was in hospital post birth and I wish I had complained. I did have a birth debrief which was somewhat helpful but the consultant midwife (who has lovely) was taken ill part way through the process so I never felt it was fully resolved. I would encourage you to take it further and make a formal complaint so you at least get some closure.

Bumblebeehee · 20/10/2025 20:08

JackandSallySkellington · 20/10/2025 19:10

No that’s not normal.

I’ve come to the conclusion midwives are utterly useless and aside from doing obs, they may as well not be there for all the ‘care’ they give. Half of them seem utterly indifferent to their patients.

I hope you’re okay.

Wow that’s quite unfair to tarnish them all with the same brush based on your own experiences. I appreciate you have had a bad experience but I think they are a wonderful profession. They helped me being 3 wonderful babies to this world and without their help it would have been a completely different outcome. They’re clinical skills and knowledge are absolutely superb.

Strawberryorangejuice · 20/10/2025 20:10

With my first a consultant argued with me about whether or not I was in pain. I was. She insisted I wasn't. That, amongst many other things, was why I opted for home births for subsequent births.

i'm sorry. Some people shouldn't be working in midwifery units.

Misspacorabanne · 20/10/2025 20:12

I too was smirked at, told the pain wasn’t as bad as I was making out, and told I looked liked I’d been dragged through a hedge backwards, while making reference to my messy hair. I probably did look that way, my labour was 28 hours long, I was in pain with a back to back baby, no need to even mention my appearance, I couldn’t have cared less how I looked!
I’m so sorry they made you feel that way too!

TeenLifeMum · 20/10/2025 20:20

I hear you. I was laughed at and told to toughen up because I had “at least 12 more hours and the pain was going to get 10 times worse”. Dh asked for a second opinion because he felt someone must be wrong because I’m not dramatic. Doctor came immediately (I was the only woman giving birth that night) and discovered I was 10cm. I wasn’t even in a delivery room. Doctor bollocked the midwife - not very professional but I was grateful to have someone in my corner. Midwife panicky voiced asked if I wanted to push - I managed to say “yes, you out the window”. They got me a new midwife as “relationship had broken down”.

My second pregnancy, before getting pregnant, I was referred by my gp to a consultant to agree a C-section (it was harder to choose elective cs back then). I got it in writing that I could choose C-section and they’d support it…. Then I got pregnant with high risk identical twins so C-section was the only option.

i share this not really as comfort but to say, that shouldn’t have happened. You delivered your baby and you should never have been treated like that. It says everything about them and their poor behaviour doesn’t reflect on you at all. If you have the energy, raise it with pals.

congratulations on your baby.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 20/10/2025 20:23

Many years ago as a student nurse I had to do an eight week obstetric placement. Most of us hated it as the midwives, with one or two exceptions, were absolute bitches to us. I hoped that things had improved over the years but it would seem not in many cases.

DancingNotDrowning · 20/10/2025 20:42

I’m so sorry OP, as another poster said please don’t let this ruin your first weeks with your DC.

Poor treatment from those charged with caring for us isn’t acceptable or normal but is far too frequent.

21 yrs ago I gave birth to my first baby. Following a traumatic delivery I was on a ward and the MW was visiting the patient next to me and the curtains were closed.

i realised my baby was struggling to breathe and said a panicked “excuse me”, “I’m busy” snapped the MW, a more panicked “help me” followed. “Don’t interrupt” the response.

I’m not sure what happened next. I have a recollection of being told to shut up and screaming before my baby was grabbed and run off with to be worked on.

it was so traumatising. When the MW saw me standing crying whilst my baby was being worked on she told me to stop because “this sort of thing happens all the time”. I asked if DH could return to the ward and was told I was being silly.

We’re so vulnerable giving birth and it’s so upsetting when we’re treated badly.