Laughed at whilst giving birth

[Horriblebirth]

I gave birth a few weeks ago and have mentally blocked it out of my mind because the way I was treated was quite traumatic. I'm now starting to remember what happened.

Is it normal for anaesthetist and midwife to laugh at me when I'm screaming in pain because there's not enough time to get an epidural?

I think they thought I was being dramatic but unbeknownst to everyone my baby was over 10lbs and all I had was gas and air

They sent a different member of staff after they'd left to apologise. That wasn't even the only bad treatment I received but I can't even really explain how it made me feel.

Just constant comments about how its harder because of my size

And looks and nudges from the porters about my size

Just made me feel like shit during what should be a special time

@Horriblebirth congratulations on your baby, I'm really sorry for you that these memories are now flooding in.
As well as PALS please consider contacting Maternity Voices Partnership. They should have a branch linked to your NHS trust. I made a complaint to them during pregnancy and they arranged for the Matron to call and apologise/ create a plan within a few days.

Absolutely disgusting, so sorry you went through that. Making you feel terrible when you are in such a vulnerable situation is the polar opposite of care.

Unless you’ve met half of midwives, you can’t possibly know this.

It's funny you should say that because I think that's another part of this pregnancy where I was failed. I had absolutely no idea that the baby was going to be that size. One of the staff members at the hospital was quite shocked at this and said this should have been picked up at my midwife appointments and I should have discussed options weeks ago.

A PP mentioned the community midwife ripping out her stitches which is awful. I actually refused to have mine looked at because I was just so done with the (lack of) care I had received so far and wanted to be left alone.

The stitches were traumatic in themselves because they took over an hour and a half to do and I had to have more injections about five times because I kept telling her I could still feel it and she refused to believe may until I startled with pain every time.

None of the experiences on this thread surprise me. I too have been treated callously by midwives when pregnant and giving birth. My best wishes to you, OP x

@Bumblebeehee

I think your post is a bit tone deaf.

Hi - @Horriblebirth Sorry you had an awful birth. Mine was tricky too / male mw/ left alone a lot/ no epidural etc etc. However my baby was born and healthily, my stitches were clean and neat and not infected. All was good that was importantly in our combined health.
My advice would be don’t stew over it, Move on and just enjoy being a mum and loving your new little baby x x

I said 3 wonderful babies…. No where did I say 3 wonderful births. In that post I was sticking up for a profession as I thought the pp comments were unreasonable. I have had my fair share of birth trauma but this doesn’t mean that all midwives are awful. People are jumping to conclusions with incorrect presumptions. So give it a rest.

WTF?! The midwife smacked a patient in the face?

Yes, hard. It was shocking.
My Mum was smacked during her first labour also, many many years ago. I don't think she ever got over it.

A friend of mine had a termination about 35 years ago, and she said the male doctor treating her said something like well you've been a very naughty girl haven't you? Absolutely appalling!

That reads as awful treatment.
Until you formally complain these people will think they can continue to behave this way.
A written complaint will help with closure.
I have found it very helpful.

So sorry you were treated so badly @Horriblebirth 💐 I had my eldest in 1990 and I think that was a fairly sweet spot for how women were treated. It's got a lot worse ( or maybe I was just lucky)

Something that really stuck with me was the first community midwife who called. She barged in and tried to go straight into the living room where we had visitors. I took her upstairs. She did not lost and kept repeating you've got lots of support, your parents are downstairs despite being told at least three times they were family friends. She even wrote it in the notes.

Her piece de resistance was when she started discussing sex and my pelvic floor. I told her I did not wish to discuss with a stranger and having just given birth. At which point she grassed her left elbow in jer rright hand and waved her arm backwards and forwards and laughingly said "your man will say the sex feels like this unless you start the exercises today". It stayed with me for years.

Utterly vile and utterly vulgar. I did complain about that and did get an apology but the people in charge were defensive.

London, very late 94.

I remember being asked at my six week check after an absolutely appalling delivery with a massive episiotomy and trauma, having nearly died, not being able to walk or sit for two weeks after the birth if i had had sex yet. By a male consultant. He was dismayed to hear I had not, and advised me that I really should get on with it! I just sat there meekly.

My first DC was breech and an epidural, which I mention to put this in context.
My second DC, I was told it would be ages yet, and my DH was sent home.
I was left on my own, no midwife or doctor.
As the pains intensified, I was crying and ringing the bell for the midwife. I was NOT allowed gas and air (told it was too early).
Told I was making a fuss. Then left on my own again.
When my waters broke, I had no idea what had happened. I felt a mini explosion inside me. I was terrified, crying, etc. I really thought I was going to die, or at least my DC was going to die.
I rang the bell again, and finally they realised I was about to give birth.I asked for an epidural which I had had before, and was told it was too late for that. They called DH (who drove like a maniac) and arrived 5 minutes before the birth. Really a complete waste.
Technically, this was the most 'normal' of births, but the most traumatic for me, due to the attitude of the staff.
I did have a 3rd DC; told my DH to NEVER leave me, no matter what they said.
The DC nearly died (cord round his neck), but the birth experience was so much better due to the caring and far more professional midwife.

I couldn’t fault the midwives who were with me through the 3 days I was giving birth. The community midwife who came out after I was sent home on the other hand…!

She was standing in for the community midwife I’d seen through my pregnancy as she was on leave. This midwife came in while I was breastfeeding my new baby. I’m quite big-chested anyway and breastfeeding made my boobs very heavy and uncomfortable. I’d found a position to feed using a support pillow that was working for us both. The first thing the midwife did was turn to the student with her and say “now what can you see wrong with this picture?” She then yanked the pillow away from me, dropped it on the floor, and said “let’s get rid of this rubbish for a start!”
She then pushed and manipulated us into a position that immediately made my supporting arm go numb, and caused my baby to bite down on my nipple. She told me my lipstick-shaped nipple was proof I was doing it wrong. Which I know is standard advice, but my nipple has always been that shape and still is 3 years later. I was wrong about that, apparently.
After she left I felt about 2 inches tall and was in tears. I tried to feed my increasingly distressed baby the ‘correct’ way for the next 12 hours. After that I started shivering, sweating and throwing up, became really confused, and had to be taken in to hospital to be treated for mastitis that had started to turn septic. I was so ill my baby had to go home without me. After that we really struggled to re-establish breastfeeding, I had another bout of septic mastitis, and both my family and the hospital midwives begged me to stop trying and move to formula because they were afraid the risk another bout of sepsis could finish me off. It was also making me so depressed I wished I was dead. I only fed her myself for four weeks in the end, and spent the next 11 months with PND that stole most of the joy of her babyhood from me.
I don’t know if I entirely blame that midwife, but I do know how her visit made me feel, and that everything went downhill for me following it. I’d been so pleased breastfeeding was working as I felt I’d failed at every stage up to that point (IVF, slow progression, failed to dilate fully, needed induction, had to have my waters broken for me, laboured on my back despite wanting to be up and moving because any other position made me vomit violently, ended up with a pretty traumatic forceps birth and a pph). I thought at least we were doing well with feeding and this midwife just crushed that little success.

Special mention for the consultant who came in when I’d been awake and having contractions for three days, I was absolutely exhausted, and the only thing keeping me going was getting a bit angry with the pain and making a sort of growling noise. It felt like my contractions were going to snap my spine in two - found out later she was back to back - it was that or cry and lose it completely. The consultant told me to be quiet and stop being silly. That again made me feel so small and dismissed. If I ever get the chance to go back in time, I’ll go back to that moment and tell that consultant to fuck off.

Absolutely awful and unprofessional of them both while you were in pain. Doing a job every day shouldn't desensitise people to act this way, disgusting 😒 xx

I never said k had good experiences, you misread what I said. I said I had 3 wonderful babies which is completely different. I have had my fair share of birth trauma so maybe don’t be so presumptive next time. You sound so charming… not

Hey OP …
When I had my first daughter , unmarried & young , long labour , I had a fabulous midwife who held my hand , she was caring & kind ..
Then her shift finished & I had a diff midwife , I asked her could I hold her hand , she shooed my hand away & said “ you’re paying for your fun now “ .. Awful woman who should never be in care of a human or animal ..

18 years ago I had my DD3 ..
The hospital was crazy busy , I asked the midwife who was with me that night for epidural , she answered me “ there was no epidural in my day “ !!! I persisted , she finally called anaesthetist who came down, but I way too far gone at that stage after asking her hours earlier to call him ..
Dreadful that we have stories like this to tell . Sorry you went through that ..

On a much brighter note , Congratulations on your new baby 🎈 ☺️ x

These stories are so horrendous. This just should not be happening in this day and age.

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. I have no respect for midwives, my consultant assigned me my own aesthetist following the neglect I received - they don’t know the meaning of care.

@Bumblebeehee

I never said you said anything at all. I said your post was tone deaf.

This thread was about people describing their actual lived experiences.

Who are you to say they are making i presumptions?

And dont tell me to “give it a rest”. I made one post. This is a public forum. My opinion is just as valid as anyone else’s.

”Give it a rest” is such a stupid way to try to shut down someone who does not agree with you.

do you also go on domestic violence threads and tell women that have had awful experiences with men that your DH is wonderful so they shouldn’t tar all men with the same brush?!

jeez.