Laughed at whilst giving birth

[Horriblebirth]

I gave birth a few weeks ago and have mentally blocked it out of my mind because the way I was treated was quite traumatic. I'm now starting to remember what happened.

Is it normal for anaesthetist and midwife to laugh at me when I'm screaming in pain because there's not enough time to get an epidural?

I think they thought I was being dramatic but unbeknownst to everyone my baby was over 10lbs and all I had was gas and air

They sent a different member of staff after they'd left to apologise. That wasn't even the only bad treatment I received but I can't even really explain how it made me feel.

I had similar during my first birth, induced and on the drip, I went from 1cm to 10cm in two hours, had no pain relief and it was absolutely excruciating, a doctor walked in at one point and made a sarcastic comment about how she thought I must have been much further along to be making so much noise. This was before they realised how quickly I was dilating. They tried telling me not to push when I needed to as I 'wasn't ready', before measuring me and realising I was ready to go. She was out in 2 pushes.
My second experience was even worse, I've had to block it out due to the horrific treatment I received from the midwives. I put in a complaint through PALS afterwards but they denied everything.

This was my experience too where I trained, both my obs and paeds were the worst placements in my 3 years training.

Yes I had a lovely midwife in my second pregnancy (different hospital). I worked with her daughter a few years later who told me her mum had originally worked at the hospital I had my first baby in, but was bullied quite badly. She was so lovely so I was shocked.

A friend’s cousin I vaguely know has also just left midwifery, in part due to toxic work atmosphere and bullying. Again a really lovely lady who seems genuinely caring and passionate about women and their choices. Just seems like kind, decent ones are not given an easy time.

This.
You will not be able to go back and change things. Focus on your baby who is here safely, happy and healthy.

Dc no1
I was 19 and in labour
Was snapped at a few times and made to feel I was making a fuss over nothing-was told a few times that 'this is what you get when you have sex'
Was forced to lay on my back at all times (something to do with the heart monitor)
I was back on the labour ward and some woman walked in,glared at me,picked up my baby without saying a word to me and walked out with her
I was made to feel very small when I freaked out and demanded my baby back
I still dont know who this woman was or where she took my baby
She also made it very clear she didnt approve of me not being married and dd was born out of wedlock (fuck all to do with her!)

No3 was an accidental home birth
The midwife who came out was so rude,snappy and bitchy I made a complaint about her
I've never felt so bloody vulnerable in my life and this cow made it clear she thought her coming out to see to me was a waste of her time and moaned every minute of the 15 minutes she was sat in my bathroom with me about how she'd got the short straw when she swapped shifts with someone else
Nothing happened to her-they whitewashed it all away

The rest of the midwives where ok but certainly not amazing

Edited for typo

What heartbreaking accounts. When I had my first child, I was induced and confined to a bed on monitors. The pain was very intense very quickly and I couldn't handle it. I asked for an epidural because I couldn't move around or do anything to relieve the pain. The anaesthetist and the midwife were arguing with each other over my head when they topped it up. They didn't let it wear off and I gave birth without any sensations of contractions at all. The midwife sneered at me that 'if I couldn't take the pain' at the beginning I certainly wouldn't be able to at the end. I was given no choice, no information at all. I ended up nearly dying as my baby got stuck in the birth canal and I lost half the blood in my body. The midwife was horrible. During the recovery a nurse came into my room and proceeded to ignore me and do her make up in the mirror in the en suite. They didn't bring me food or help me with breast feeding. I was just left on my own in a single room, ignored. I couldn't walk or sit so couldn't visit my baby in special care. Absolutely appalling.

I was also left to make my own decision about whether I should be induced. My waters had broken over 24 hours before but they didn't inform me of my choices, give advice or offer any support. When I came into hospital the midwife claimed my waters hadn't broken before she even examined me, but they had!

@Devilsmommy I just shut up when I was told off, like you I only had gas and air. I'd been in labour 4 days at that point had a failed epidural and could feel everything. I was completely out of it by that point I remember little of the time I was pushing. I was being told off for pushing too but she apologised as it was DC my whole stomach was moving,then a blue baby thrown at me. During getting stitched up I passed out to her saying oh finally she's using the gas and air properly. The one before wouldn't let me use the bathroom and I was forced to squat over a bowl. It hurt so much I didn't bother going again but think I was peeing when I was on the birthing ball. It was mostly waters I think but honestly I had some satisfaction watching her crawling around with towels mopping it up the floor it was flooded .

Find patient advice and liaison services (PALS) - NHS https://share.google/BGvohsYbr49xp2GCG

Yep I had that with my first birth. Laughing, nodding and winking over my head to my birthing partner as if they were in this together and I was the comedy act/silly girl. Was really weird and afterwards my birthing partner said she wanted to knock her bloody head off.

Midwives are the new nuns, a few exceptions but the majority, horrendous humans who shouldn't be in the job.

I would report them like a previous poster said.
I can't begin to imagine how horrible an experience that was, and it should have been one that you remember with joy.

My son was born 50 years ago, and I can still remember vividly who was in the room, what was said, how I felt etc...and mine was a good experience, nothing spectacular, but it's one of those life events that stay with us always.
For someone who should be caring for you to deliberately make it a bad experience...that's unforgivable.

Evening everyone, thanks so much for all the lovely messages. It's so heartbreaking reading all of the things that happened to others and also so validating to hear I'm not overreacting by being so upset.

I hadn't heard of PALS before so thank you for the recommendation, I think I might try and put together a complaint when I can articulate it the way I want to. I can put it behind me as I'm grateful to have my beautiful baby here but I would hate to think that it happened to another woman because I stayed silent.

Congratulations on the birth of your baby OP.

I was promised a c section after having had premmie twins 24 months earlier. I was 3 days overdue with DS when I went into labour in the evening. DH phoned to say we were on our way in, only to be told they had no beds, so could we wait until the morning! Er, no, I was on on fours wanting to push! My parents arrived to look after the twins, and dad and DH carried me to the car. We arrived at hospital 15 minutes later. They got me on a ward, midwife was huffing and puffing, moaning that her new shoes hurt. A doctor examined me, thought baby was breech, did a scan which confirmed. No c section available, too late for pethadine, so they cut me, on gas and air, I passed out, son was born, in distress. Thank god we were both ok. Another midwife then arrived to stitch me up, took forty minutes. Original midwife was “too distressed to do it because of my screaming”! The doctors were amazing, the midwife crap. I laid awake all night in pain, and the next morning was told original midwife had sat by my side for hours in the night. She hadn’t. Horrible woman.

I’ve only met one single nice midwife, and I had two babies, ran a range of baby groups and was on the maternity/public liaison committee, so I met plenty. I think it’s like social workers: they start off with good intentions but get hardened. It’s a job to them, almost a conveyor belt, but it’s terrifying and new to you.

I got told off for screaming because I would disturb others, made to climb up into a high bed because she wouldn’t lower it, told I was wrong about being in transition - he ripped his way out a couple of minutes later!

I wish I’d complained formally. I did feed it back through the committee and their bosses though.

If you do complain, they will get a reprimand that will hopefully mean they behave rather better in future, and may get them extra training. Don’t worry about whether they’ll get in trouble over it. It’s the consequence of their own choices, plus there’s no way they’d be in serious trouble anyway.

So sorry to hear this... they know they were absolutely in the wrong when they sent someone else to apologise?! WTF?! I have had both lovely and awful midwives and both stick with you. Please do report this as it may give you some closure but also advocating for all women coming behind you and hopefully they will consequently receive better service. Enjoy your new baby xxx

Oh no I was hoping somehow that the pressure that the NHS is currently under could partially explain the toxicity that appears to be present in some maternity wards but it appears that is not the full picture?

Is it some kind of institutional misogyny within medicine?

So sorry op that you had this awful experience and for others on here too. I gave birth in an EU country and had a wonderful experience so it can be done.

If you were lucky enough to not experience ill treatment then you don't know what you're talking about so button it.

DS was born 30 years ago. It was as bad then.

I didn't complain. I should have. It affected mem for a long time.

When pg with dd I advocated hard and had consultant led care. The co sultant was marvellous and ensured I had a very experienced midwife with me for the birth which was cathartic and a stark contrast. I hadn't been able to articulate the first birth until then but there was no comparison. Post natally one midwife was arsy but I was experienced by then and I asked why she was speaking to me like that and there was a volte face.

So many generations now have been been sold the gratitude line that we must be grateful for free and safe childbirth that standards are shocking. The standards are as they are because generations of women have not complained about unacceptable care.

COMPLAIN. It's the only thing that will bring about change.

Women need to stage a fucking revolution.

Mine were ok giving birth but I was put on a delivery suite and they were absolutely awful. Rude and sarcastic which I find baffling considering the job they are in and new mums (especially first time ones).

I don’t know a single person who had good things to say about maternity care in the UK. It’s appalling. I’m so sorry OP, you should complain, more women need to.

You poor thing.

You must complain- have your say. This is not good enough, to be a professional and laugh at a woman when she is in the most vulnerable moment- just no.

Complain, seek some therapy to help process this and move on with your baby.

Congratulations- what a chunk, it sounds like you were amazing so well done x

It's awful to read all these horror stories and I feel really sad for everybody who has has their birth experience tainted by nasty individuals.

I would like to say though, I would hate to be one of the lovely midwifes out there reading this thinking everyone hates them! I have had 4 babies at the same hospital and have only ever had really positive birth experiences with lovely midwives, doctors and MCA's who genuinely were kind and caring and very professional. To the lovely ones, you are much appreciated! ❤️

Having said that, OP I
agree that you should follow this up through an official channel. Being unkind to a woman giving birth when your job is to care for them is completely unacceptable and you shouldn't have to experience this.

Congratulations on your baby 💐

How rude! How do you know what I experienced or not?

Coming back to this add after DC1 I think I had PTSD. Between DC1 & 2 we moved house and so I visited the new hospital. As we were touring the delivery and home from home suites I had a panic attack. The first and only of my life. I was terrified. Mainly as a result of the HCA who was showing us round being extremely rude about the mums who didn’t want to try the home from home unit.

When I went into Labour with DC2 I stayed at home in the bath for hours as I was terrified of attending hospital. When I did get there I was 8cm and DC2 was born a couple of hours later. We went home a couple of hours after that. It was such a positive and empowering experience.

That’s dreadful behaviour from medical professionals, I am so sorry you had to go through that. 💐

It is good that you are contacting PALS. I would also suggest some counselling to help you process your birth experience.