Laughed at whilst giving birth

[Horriblebirth]

I gave birth a few weeks ago and have mentally blocked it out of my mind because the way I was treated was quite traumatic. I'm now starting to remember what happened.

Is it normal for anaesthetist and midwife to laugh at me when I'm screaming in pain because there's not enough time to get an epidural?

I think they thought I was being dramatic but unbeknownst to everyone my baby was over 10lbs and all I had was gas and air

They sent a different member of staff after they'd left to apologise. That wasn't even the only bad treatment I received but I can't even really explain how it made me feel.

You made it clear you had three good experiences with midwives. This thread is for women who have not had that good fortune.

no one needs someone NAM*ALT ing over a thread about birth distress/trauma/grief. If you had good positive experiences experiences then good for you but this probably isn’t the thread for you.

*midwives

This thread was begun by a woman who has been laughed at and is understandably upset.
It was not started as a MW bashing thread for those who had a bad experience.
It’s sad that so many women feel let down but truthfully those are the ones that will mostly comment here.
Good experiences are taken for granted quite rightly as that should be the norm.

My dm was a MW from 1976 until 1995. She was brilliant at her job and mums would stop her in the supermarket to show her the tots she had delivered.

My dm as a young mum from1953 had horrific experiences of pregnancy and childbirth including ante natal appointments where all ladies were made to strip and queue to be weighed, no pain relief at all during her first delivery and being left on her own to labour ( no husbands allowed).
Dm was determined to support women during pregnancy and childbirth and was 40 when she qualified.

My dd was delivered by an inexperienced student mw resulting in my tearing badly. However the student was learning and I certainly didn’t feel the need to complain.
Fortunately I had a good dr to stitch me up.

All comments should be welcomed, after all we need to know that good midwives do exist, that our expectations and standards should be high.

I had a baby at 18 and was treated awfully by midwives. I've carried so much shame about becoming pregnant and having a baby young because of this treatment. I still feel it today in my 30s.

Because you told us!

none of that changes that on a thread started by a woman who had a terrible experience at the hands of midwives coming in and saying not all midwives are like that it unhelpful, belittling and unnecessary.

I got laughed at patronisingly by the midwife after a mad dash to the hospital needing to push (second baby so I knew the feeling). She insisted I was wrong without even looking at me and then was shocked and unprepared when DS was born 10 minutes later.
To counter, I had a lovely midwife first time round with DD, but I have to say, most I encountered while on the ward both times were awful.
My sister had difficult births and with her last baby, was attended by a male midwife who she really wasn't comfortable with at all. She explained exactly why she was uncomfortable and asked if she could please have a female if possible. When the male midwife found out he had a proper shouty tantrum, threw her notes down and stormed out slamming the door. That was fun.

https://www.nmc.org.uk/contact-us/

This is the only way they will learn.

You should put in a formal complaint. This is totally unacceptable and unprofessional behaviour.

I’d love to say it’s not normal and it absolutey shouldn’t be but unfortunately things like this happen

My midwife mocked me for screaming my head off in pain at just “4cm dilated”. Basically told me there no way I’d cope if I was “making such a fuss” so early on and I’d need an epidural.

I was very anti epidural but was made to feel so shit that I agreed

5 minutes later it was too late for an epidural as I was 10cm dilated and they could see the head.

Honestly, some midwife’s/medical professionals are cunts.

(emphasis on some, I have had some wonderful midwives)

Also agree with this. I really wish I had. By the time I’d recovered enough from the trauma of my birth it was too late but you really should. More and more shit like this is happening and it needs to stop. Please report

I had a similar horrible experience with a midwife and it still plays on my mind. There is a Nursing and Midwifery Code that all midwives have to follow. PALS exist to prevent formal complaints by fobbing you off in my experience.

https://www.nmc.org.uk/standards/code/read-the-code-online/

I agree. The midwife who was there during my labour shouldn’t have been in any caring profession.

This, with bells on!

My Dil (Alice) was in labour and as she had no family invited me in with my son to the room.
The midwife was completely useless. Before during and after. No compassion it seemed as
though everything was too much trouble. I cleaned Alice up.
Son and Alice put in a complaint which they did get an apology.

Yes my mum was left alone in the 70s as she was unmarried, which caused my brother to get stuck and has caused lifelong issues for him, my mum and the rest of us. Just because a midwife judged my mum. A ripple effect from one action.

And today there is still no bedside manner, no caring, no softness with so many of them. Why do they get into this job. Call the midwife has spoilt us

Why did being overweight affect it?

Not laughed at but treated brutally after the birth of my second son. Community midwife came to check my stitches and without warning me she ripped them out. I felt violated. Grim

Sorry to hear about your horrid experience @Horriblebirth 💐

Thirty years on and I still recall the awful midwife who wouldn't let me call DH unless I dragged myself round the wards to find the payphone myself. I knew DS was breech/might be a difficult birth which I was dreading and had gone into labour whilst working at my business premises. My dad dropped me to the hospital as I didn't drive and DH was at work. All I wanted was someone I loved there to support me, but the midwife was very rude, insulting and dismissive.

I’m so sorry OP, please make a complaint and dont leave this.

I know how this feels… I was 20 when I gave birth to my DD many, many years ago now. I pushed and pushed and pushed but she wouldn’t budge. I was so exhausted and by this time the female consultant came in for the delivery. I was very scared and not treated at all kindly by any of the midwives. Anyway I gave a few final desperate pushes and suddenly the consultant burst out laughing and the midwives joined in too. The consultant said ‘sorry but the face you were pulling just then pushing was so funny’ I still get upset to this day thinking about it and try really hard not to. Incidentally there was an inquiry to the whole maternity unit some years later due to so many complaints of ill treatment.

No, that's not normal. I gave birth to my daughter in 2022 and I was left emotionally scarred by it. At first, very newly post-partum, I didn't look too much into it. But as time passed, much like with you, I noticed how many errors were made and how bad it made me feel. I'm actually terrified of ever giving birth again because of it. Please speak about it as much as you want to because if it's a big deal to you (and I totally understand) then it is a big deal and you probably need to work through it. Well done for writing it down here too, because just getting it off your chest somehow really helps

I also wish I had complained to prevent the same thing happening to other expectant mums, but for me at the time I just had to block it out. I so wish I spoke up

I didn’t! You are presuming that! I have 3 live babies…. I haven’t just been pregnant 3 times.

You need to put a complaint in to the department.

It doesn't sound right to me.

Surely if you were having a 10lb+ baby they should have known about this?

So having a bad experience allows you to say "all midwives are awful" but having a good experience doesn't allow you to say "many midwives are great"? I had one bad experience, and one good experience, should I both button it, and speak out?

This was my experience too. I reported one of the staff midwives for smacking a woman hard across her face during her labour. I also brought attention to the skin cleanser used on all newborns; it was usually decanted into plain bottles but the original bottles clearly stated it was not to be used on newborns or infants.
They closed ranks immediately and I was reprimanded. I had hoped things had changed - my own labours were well supported.