500 mile round trip for a dinner - we're not mad are we?

[Decisionsdecisions1]

It's MiL's 80th birthday - she is lovely, a really kind, positive person. She lives 250 miles away unfortunately - DP's extended family (also lovely) suggested doing a dinner in a nice restaurant with everyone to make it special. We don't usually see MiL on her birthday as we only really travel down in school hols.

So we'll be travelling Fri evening, leaving Sun morning. Will be around 5-6 hours each way. We haven't planned too much during the day Saturday as MiL gets tired and isn't as mobile as she used to be.

The problem is dd(13) is in a sulk as she's missing a friends birthday party and rehearsal for a dance show and is moaning that there will be nothing for her to do and no young people to talk to. (All her cousins are away at uni and not coming).

My instinct if I'm honest is to tell her to suck it up, life is about giving not just taking etc. But I'm now worried she'll be monosyllabic and sulk all weekend. I can make her go - I can't make her be chatty etc. And I'll then be annoyed with her for not thinking of her GM.

Or are we mad travelling all that way for 36 hours.....dd is making me doubt myself...

I much prefer train journeys. I can read, look at my phone, look out the window, have a sleep, talk to DH. Car journeys are far too often away - slow traffic, terrible driving (often verging on dangerous), traffic at a standstill (sat on the A1 once for over 2 hours without moving at all). Very often the train is a lot quicker than the car.

Thank you! No need to apologise, you weren't to know :)

in fairness, you can talk to DH in a car,

and it's people talking to their DH in the train that are making it very unpleasant for the rest of us!

I think what I like about a car is that I can, to an extent, control things a bit.

I can stop whenever I need to, change the temperature, dress more comfortably, take my shoes off and make other accommodations. You can't do that on a train surrounded by strangers.

Tricky as dd is missing her friends party and rehearsal

I would see if dd could Stay with school friend for party and dance friend for rehearsal

esp if no cousins going

Not mad at all about the trip.

I'd be telling DD that as her GM is 80 she needs to cherish all the birthdays she can with her as she won't be around forever and 5/10 years from now she'll be glad she made the effort for her 80th than went to a friends party (who she will likely not be friends with in 5 years!) And a dance rehearsal which I'm sure are a regular occurance.

Not mad at all. You go . Lovely to hear nice words about an MIl on here too.
Try and organise an alternative for your DD then let her choose what she'll do. It is her Grandma after all.

I can assure you we don't talk loud enough to annoy other passengers. We also don't talk the whole time.

I hate that you have no control over the traffic. If there has been an accident you can crawl quite a long way or even not move at all for ages. If on a motorway you are stuck. If it's a hot day it can be awful. Unless you take food and drink you can be stuck for ages with nothing to eat or drink.

I know there can be problems with train delays but we are obviously lucky as we have only experienced that once and we use the train quite a lot

Trains around here are cancelled almost daily so that probably sways it for me!

Could it be delayed until all the cousins can come too, then the whole family will be together?

I was too, babysitting and staying home alone while parents spent the night away.

But I would not have been asked my opinion about attending a grandparent's milestone birthday. I was a child, subordinate and would get in the car as directed in order to go and pay respects to my elder.

So what? She’s 13, not 3 and doesn’t need playmates. She also has transport and someone who will pay for her meal etc which maybe the adult students don’t. Or they have midterm exams etc.

I think it would be horrible for the DgM to not have any of her grandchildren there. I’d be making sure mine went at that age. It’s important to learn that sometimes you have to do these things!

If you had even read your own post you might have noticed your error “read even”.

That’s not an error. Would you prefer it as ‘even read’? It means the same thing but has a slightly different emphasis/meaning. If you had even read the OPs posts - suggesting you hadn’t bothered. If you had read even the OPs posts -as opposed to reading the whole thread.
Not an error.

“If you had read even the op’s posts” is fine, as “If you had read only the op’s posts” or “If you had read just the op’s posts” would be. It’s a less common word order, but it isn’t incorrect.

Also - sniping about grammar instead of responding to a point? Really?

Not a good look.

Or work with them to understand that life doesn’t always have to revolve around what they want to do, and it’s respectful and kind to show up for Granny’s special birthday!! Teach her to be a little less self absorbed and think of others than herself?!

Agree!

Oh please. She's a teenager being taken to her relative's big birthday celebration, not being forced to split rocks in a prison yard

🤣

Doubt I’m adding anything that’s not already been said but I think you should go and if, as you say, there are no friends that your DC can stay with then she’ll need to come with you. There’ll be plenty more parties and dance classes for your daughter, far less likely to be many more special birthdays for your MIL. In terms of the travel, I would find 5 hours on a train a lot less tiring than 5 hours in a car. Even if I’m not the driver I’m always alert looking at the road whereas you can just relax on the train (presumably you have booked seats).

You think that your parents leaving you alone for two nights whilst they were 6 hours away at age 13 was a good thing? Not many would agree.

I would explain why it's important to go but leave it upto her. If she really doesn't want to go then I would see if she could stay with a friend for the day/night or get a babysitter. I know at 13 a babysitter sounds a bit much but for all day on a night past 8/9pm I would.
If you go down to visit with her in the school holidays it isn't long until the next visit even if you miss the October one and go in the next ones.

Yikes - people saying let the child go and stay with a friend she is a child for God sake and needs to do what you say - don’t teach her to get her own way or she will be walking all over you when she’s an older teen - if she is going to be bored then tough shit. Download a film or something she can watch whilst there .
I also would not let my child attend a party when I am five hours away- in case of an emergency

I wouldn’t let my child stay with a friend at her her grandmothers 80th- it might be the last time she gets to see her, secondly she’s only 13 and her cousins going to university are adults anyway ?

i’m 47 what did us kids ever do when we were younger? We didn’t have phones or social media or anything really but we still had fun. She needs to learn to adapt to different situations without being sulky

@Decisionsdecisions1 you sound like a lovely DIL. I hope you all have a lovely trip for your MIL’s 80th birthday xx

Both my parent's have had their 80th in the last few years and they were so happy that all their dc, gc and ggc were there to celebrate with them. They are still going strong, have just come back from a 5000 mile road trip across USA, off to India on a guided tour at the end of the month and then a cruise to Vietnam in January. Things though can change suddenly especially at their ages so good to see them when they're still spry.