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Original poster

6 in 10 think toilet training isn't necessary?

153 replies

dontcomeatme · 19/10/2025 08:34

https://www.netmums.com/child/education/primary-schools/parents-say-potty-training-and-table-manners-not-essential-before-starting-school

"Commissioned by The Department for Education the poll, which included 2,000 parents with children aged under five, found that six in ten parents said toilet training isn’t essential before starting Reception."

I have known for years the number of children entering school still in nappies has risen, many of the schools around here have had to install changing tables and nappy bins etc. But this number has still shocked me! We're in the middle of potty training our 2.5YO and it's not easy at all, but definitely essential!
What's your view on this? If you have DC at what age did you potty train? Or not as the article suggests?

This doesn't include ND or SEN children. Nor is it a goady thread calling parents lazy. Just genuinely curious, I was really shocked reading the article. Although I suppose its good the NHS have made a "get prepared for school" guide for parents.

Parents say potty training and table manners 'not essential' before starting school - Netmums

A new government poll suggests many parents don't see potty training or basic self-care as essential before children start school.

https://www.netmums.com/child/education/primary-schools/parents-say-potty-training-and-table-manners-not-essential-before-starting-school

OP posts:
Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 12:47

Angelil · 21/10/2025 12:39

Honestly I'm shocked if people genuinely think their children don't need to be potty trained before starting school (no matter how the question was phrased).
My children are currently 6y11m and 2y8m.
The eldest was trained at 2y9m and the youngest trained at 2y5m.
Both boys.
Training the eldest was the most difficult job because a) I think he would have been happy to wear a nappy forever and b) we didn't have a clue what we were doing.
Training my youngest was a breeze because the opposite: we'd already gone through it once, and because of having an older brother, he was actually interested in using the toilet, wanted to go when he went etc.
"Unless SEN" is the usual caveat here but even then not all SEN prevent children from being toilet trained. The VAST majority of children should be trained before starting school (and I am a teacher who has spent the past 17 years working with children of all ages, so yes, I do know what is developmentally normal and reasonable to expect).

It wasn't even a question about toilet training, it was a list of things including toilet training and parents were asked to pick 4 of the most important things that would make a child ready for school and potty training wasn't every parents #1 choice which doesn't mean that they believe children don't need to be potty trained before starting school.

TenGreatFatSquirrels · 21/10/2025 12:49

I think it’s bizarre that parents are ok with their NT 4 and 5 years olds still soiling themselves…

Givemeachaitealatte · 21/10/2025 13:36

Angelil · 21/10/2025 12:43

Regarding for long car journeys: sorry but this is nonsense. We do long car journeys all the time (12+ hours) as both sets of grandparents live abroad. My kids are 2 and 6. They pee before we get in the car. We stop every 2-3 hours and they pee then as well. Normally if they pee at every break then they shouldn't be wetting through car seats. We have never had such an incident (yet - the youngest is still only 2y9m so give it time!) but are used to VERY long car journeys. They also tell us if they need to pee so we can stop mid 2-3hr stretch if needed. No reason for pullups on such journeys.

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If they are SEN thru can't always let you know - they don't always recognise the signs and /or are too busy/asleep to notice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds Families Potty training Primary education
SilverStateLady · 21/10/2025 15:42

Angelil · 21/10/2025 12:46

We also used cloth nappies and I do think it's a factor in why children who wear them train earlier. Not for the reasons you state specifically, but rather because the children can feel when they are wet and get used to the (unpleasant) sensation faster. Not like in disposable nappies, which are too good these days in a way: they wick away all the moisture so that the child cannot feel when they are wet.

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That’s also true!

I used disposables with my eldest and when the time came to start potty training, my DSis, who had worked in nursery baby rooms for years, told me that putting a piece of dry paper towel in their nappy when you change it helps them acknowledge that wet sensation because the nappy absorbs everything but the paper towel will stay wet.

FlyMeSomewhere · 21/10/2025 16:10

Givemeachaitealatte · 21/10/2025 10:06

My DC wore nappies at night until 8 - night nappies are available up until 15 asit is hormonal for night time. And long journeys I can understand, as who wants to be changing car seats etc.

If they have SEN why are you judging? Many people have said SEN excluded but it seems that isn't the case. Only if your child is severe SEN.

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I don't get putting nappies on an 8 year old for long journeys! At 8 they shouldn't have the slightest issue with toilet needs on a long journey! You can't infantilise kids that are 5 years away from being a teenager! The bullying at school would be horrendous if it came out that mum changes his nappy on a long journey at 8! Jesus they'll be going up to secondary school in a couple of years! What happens when they have to go on a school trip!

Disturbia81 · 21/10/2025 16:16

I just waited until they were ready so 3+ and it was so much easier, no training needed

Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 16:20

FlyMeSomewhere · 21/10/2025 16:10

I don't get putting nappies on an 8 year old for long journeys! At 8 they shouldn't have the slightest issue with toilet needs on a long journey! You can't infantilise kids that are 5 years away from being a teenager! The bullying at school would be horrendous if it came out that mum changes his nappy on a long journey at 8! Jesus they'll be going up to secondary school in a couple of years! What happens when they have to go on a school trip!

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Did you miss the SEN part?

Cornishclio · 21/10/2025 16:24

Mine were toilet trained by 2 many years ago because that is what we did. My daughter did more child led toilet training so tried at 2.5 then again at 3 but they are both Autistic. They were both fully toilet trained by the time they started pre school at 3.

I think given all teachers have to do and they don’t have lots of TAs it is impractical if a lot are needing nappies changed. I am afraid I do sometimes think it is lazy parenting and the school should be asking parents to come in and change them several times a day if they are not trained barring SEN kids of course.

They should also be able to dress themselves and use a knife and fork. Having said that of course no child should be barred from school if parents haven’t taught their kids basic life skills. It isn’t the child’s fault.

Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 16:27

Cornishclio · 21/10/2025 16:24

Mine were toilet trained by 2 many years ago because that is what we did. My daughter did more child led toilet training so tried at 2.5 then again at 3 but they are both Autistic. They were both fully toilet trained by the time they started pre school at 3.

I think given all teachers have to do and they don’t have lots of TAs it is impractical if a lot are needing nappies changed. I am afraid I do sometimes think it is lazy parenting and the school should be asking parents to come in and change them several times a day if they are not trained barring SEN kids of course.

They should also be able to dress themselves and use a knife and fork. Having said that of course no child should be barred from school if parents haven’t taught their kids basic life skills. It isn’t the child’s fault.

At 4 years old though, many SEN children aren't diagnosed yet and it may not always be as simple as Mary obviously has SEN but John's parents are just lazy buggers.

JadziaD · 21/10/2025 16:34

SIL once told me she was doing "baby led potty training". I think my face said it all. I carefully walked away and we never discussed it again.

The survey might be flawed but there is enough anecdotal evidence and comments from teachers on many discussions on this that it IS becoming more of a thing and that suggets it's NOT about SEn but it's entirely about parents just not thinking it's their problem or not willing to put the work in.

Cornishclio · 21/10/2025 16:37

Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 16:27

At 4 years old though, many SEN children aren't diagnosed yet and it may not always be as simple as Mary obviously has SEN but John's parents are just lazy buggers.

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Certainly you have a point and both my DGDs are SEN (diagnosed later) but although they were late with toilet training (3 which actually seems more average these days) they were reliably dry during the day but much later at night which is common apparently with autistic children. So SEN is not necessarily a barrier to toilet training.

Toilet training children requires you really to stay around the house for about a week which I get is awkward if both parents work. I don’t think it is down to school or teachers to train them though but they should be understanding if parents have told them the child just isn’t ready.,

Boomer55 · 21/10/2025 16:46

Unless special needs are involved, any parent that thinks this is just one of the lazy/inadequate brigade. 🙄

Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 16:46

Cornishclio · 21/10/2025 16:37

Certainly you have a point and both my DGDs are SEN (diagnosed later) but although they were late with toilet training (3 which actually seems more average these days) they were reliably dry during the day but much later at night which is common apparently with autistic children. So SEN is not necessarily a barrier to toilet training.

Toilet training children requires you really to stay around the house for about a week which I get is awkward if both parents work. I don’t think it is down to school or teachers to train them though but they should be understanding if parents have told them the child just isn’t ready.,

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It can be though and SEN covers more than just autism. Not to mention there's also physical medical issues which are also likely to be undiagnosed at 4.

JohnTheRevelator · 21/10/2025 17:03

When I read that 60% of parents think that it's not essential for their child to be toilet trained by the time they start school,I was like WTAF?! Apart from the fact that I just cannot understand their reasoning,I'm also rather sceptical about this percentage! I certainly wouldn't have contemplated sending my DD to school at the age of 4 without being toilet trained, and I can honestly say that I don't know anyone who would,or who has! Of course,I'm not including children who have SEN or have a disability in this.

Givemeachaitealatte · 21/10/2025 17:25

FlyMeSomewhere · 21/10/2025 16:10

I don't get putting nappies on an 8 year old for long journeys! At 8 they shouldn't have the slightest issue with toilet needs on a long journey! You can't infantilise kids that are 5 years away from being a teenager! The bullying at school would be horrendous if it came out that mum changes his nappy on a long journey at 8! Jesus they'll be going up to secondary school in a couple of years! What happens when they have to go on a school trip!

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They weren't 8 they were 6 from pp. I didn't put nappies on my 8 yo for long journeys, just said that I could understand why if they had SEN.

DC1 never recognised the need to go and then wouldn't tell you that they'd wet themselves and would get sore. They did that until age 7. It was an utter nightmare at school - I never expected teachers to help, I showed DC how to clean themselves and change but they used to have multiple accidents every single day. I can understand why SEN parents would do that for longer journeys - I'm very glad that you have never had to think about things like that.

Givemeachaitealatte · 21/10/2025 17:30

Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 16:46

It can be though and SEN covers more than just autism. Not to mention there's also physical medical issues which are also likely to be undiagnosed at 4.

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GP and HV wouldn't even refer DC to incontinence clinic until 7 and I spent 100s of pounds privately for every test going including ND testing. Turns out it was not a physical issue but a ND one - I would still be waiting if I waited for NHS.

Kirbert2 · 21/10/2025 18:01

Givemeachaitealatte · 21/10/2025 17:30

GP and HV wouldn't even refer DC to incontinence clinic until 7 and I spent 100s of pounds privately for every test going including ND testing. Turns out it was not a physical issue but a ND one - I would still be waiting if I waited for NHS.

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Exactly. It isn't easy to get help as some people may think.

For my son it is a physical issue, he is almost 10 now and wears pads.

pollymere · 22/10/2025 12:58

It's a stupid question. Do I think potty-training is something you should AIM for before school? Decidedly yes. Do I think it's ESSENTIAL for a child to be potty-trained? No.

Some children do not develop the nerve telling them they need the toilet until aged five or just before. If children are starting school at four, there is a good chance they won't know they need the toilet. Toilet training a child like that is mostly guess work, getting them to use a toilet regularly and a great deal of accidents.

When mine transitioned from nursery pretty much dry and fecally continent, they went to accidents almost everyday because Reception didn't have time to manage them not knowing they needed the toilet.

However, note mine wasn't in nappies from age 3 1/2. The issue with these articles is that they don't explain the issues properly, not do they ask anything other than leading questions.

Kielys72 · 22/10/2025 16:07

Angelil · 21/10/2025 12:41

On top of this, you need the kid to go commando initially. Pants feel too much like a nappy at first and they think they can pee in them too. Going without undies is a totally different feeling and I think the cold sensation when they wet themselves/when the cold wet clothes start sitting on their skin is more immediate without pants, enabling them to recognise the signals faster.
Only when they are peeing on the potty/toilet more reliably do you introduce pants. I think my youngest went commando for over a month before we introduced pants.

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Not convinced the going commando theory. For me if she wet her knickers she felt uncomfortable and didn’t like it. This encouraged her to sit on the potty. But they all learn differently. 😊

Laurmolonlabe · 22/10/2025 19:11

The experts (NHS) think they are ready at 3, there is a huge gap between that and what you suggest. There is no indication from medical opinion that there is a nerve problem before 5.

Fixx · 22/10/2025 21:19

You have to send 2 adults to change a child at school for safeguarding. Just think of the number of teaching hours lost each week because adults are always in the bathroom. It’s fine if you don’t want your kids to learn anything at school 🙄

Kirbert2 · 22/10/2025 22:26

Fixx · 22/10/2025 21:19

You have to send 2 adults to change a child at school for safeguarding. Just think of the number of teaching hours lost each week because adults are always in the bathroom. It’s fine if you don’t want your kids to learn anything at school 🙄

I'd think that most 4 year olds unless they have a physical or developmental disability are capable of changing their own pull up or underwear if they have an accident?

Tumbleweed101 · 22/10/2025 22:59

I think that with more children starting nursery at a young age many parents are missing the optimal window due to work comitments or a busy home life. Children around 2.5 years do tend to have a phase where they are quite interested in sitting on the toilet and this is the ideal time to act. We've often spotted this in some of our children and suggested to the parent now would be a good time to start training but we get a lot of reasons why now isn't right for them. A year on the child is now stubborn and uncooperative and it takes longer than it might have.

Some children do have SEN or medical needs which delays their progress but most average children can be trained by the time they are three and can then go a year in preschool learning to manage accidents before they get to school and are reliably dry.

Snugglemonkey · 22/10/2025 23:05

childofthe607080s · 19/10/2025 08:49

I would have thought that ( disabilities excluded) a right to education would include a right be to be taught how to go to the toilet and that school should be teaching things beyond what we can expect from a parent

But if children cannot......back to the school having the issue.

Snugglemonkey · 22/10/2025 23:08

RabbitsEatPancakes · 19/10/2025 08:52

I found potty training pretty easy, no big deal at all but you hear a lot of excuses about needing time off work and stuff. We were out and about with both of mine the day after we started training- both done at 2.

It's lazy but I do wonder if the stats include night nappies which are a bit different. I don't remember any kids in nappies in my son's reception class but speaking to parents a lot were in night nappies still.

It was easy for us too. Not so much some of my friends though. Some had a nightmare. It is not just lazy, some parents are really trying. Others don't, granted. But we cannot have children not being educated.