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Original poster

Failed my autism assessment...what now?

112 replies

malificent7 · 14/10/2025 08:35

Always struggled growing up with friendships, work, eating disorders,alchohol,depression etc.
Sdd diagnosed with aitism and I could see myself in her.
Went for my nhs assessment and apparently I am not autistic as I speak well and join in conversations.
But they gave me no other advice/ feedback...just left me hanging.
I mean i might have CPTSD as my mum was violent towards me. What now? So there is no excuse for me being me?

OP posts:
Overthebow · 14/10/2025 08:39

Have you got a report? There is diagnostic criteria so it should say where you didn’t meet the threshold. It could be that you have ASD traits but not severely enough to meet the diagnosis threshold. Were you also assessed for ADHD? There is a big overlap between the two, especially for women as we present differently to men, I’d have a look at the criteria for that as it’s possible you are ND and fit a different diagnosis.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 14/10/2025 08:49

Of course you function well (despite being ND) you have had a lifetime of having no choice but to do so and to learn how to do it.

I am like you. I am def ND but I imagine after living in one massive grimace from birth, I would come across as NT.

It's insane to judge your entire makeup on that one criteria.

PegDope · 14/10/2025 08:54

CPTSD has many many many things in common with ADD and I see women being misdiagnosed often.

I have CPTSD and I would pass an ADD assessment with flying colours but that’s not what my issue is.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health
Middlechild3 · 14/10/2025 08:57

what difference would a label make though, wouldn't you be relieved NOT to get a diagnosis?! try crappy childhood fairy on youtube for possible insights to cptsd

SarahAndQuack · 14/10/2025 08:57

You haven't failed anything; you just haven't been diagnosed with autism in this one test. It's not unheard of for people to be diagnosed by one practioner and not by another - you hear about it quite often with children, but I've taught a couple of young women who had initially been diagnosed as not being autistic, and who then got a diagnosis later on because their coping mechanisms were no longer masking the condition so effectively.

But ... it's not an excuse anyway. You might initially feel relieved to have a 'reason'. But the rest of the world would, annoyingly, persist in seeing you pretty much the same. People wouldn't suddenly say ok, now all your troubles make sense and everything will be ok. That's true if you have PTSD, too. You just are you. There's nothing wrong with that. But don't look to a diagnosis (any kind) to make you feel you have an 'excuse' - it is just a sure route to getting hurt.

Paslane · 14/10/2025 08:58

I was diagnosed autistic as an adult by NHS services in my 30s. To be honest having a diagnosis doesn't give you much support on its own, and a lot of the most helpful support comes from self-help in terms of reading, voluntary groups, online communities anyway. A lot of the additional help I get through the NHS is triggered by MH services (because years of undiagnosed autism caused depression and anxiety), so if you've been affected in that way you'd get help on the basis of MH anyway.
So many people self-diagnose now that there isn't that much value to a medical diagnosis unless it's so severe you need social workers and supported living etc, which it doesn't sound like is the case. So I'd just recognise your own ND and seek out the help that is most useful to you.

BeFancyOtter · 14/10/2025 09:20

you grew up with an abusive mum and you have had an eating disorder and alcoholism....you don't need to have a ND diagnosis to have "an excuse for being you" you actually need therapy and to work towards self acceptance ...why would being diagnosed autistic mean showing your distress in adulthood as a result of childhood abuse be any better than a non autistic person showing that same distress? Its not a child's fault if their parent wasn't able to parent them well but as a adult you have choices about how you seek to resolve your struggles . Plenty of people have "traits" because ND will have been with us since caveman times, its part of human diversity ,theres not a black dividing line between those who are "ND" and those who are "NT", its just that modern life is not often conducive to those traits.

Roundlucy · 14/10/2025 09:20

“Failed”?

what a peculiar way of looking at it

LifeBeginsToday · 14/10/2025 09:23

This is why it's important for people who think they are autistic to find out. So many things share traits with autism, but aren't autism. And sometimes people struggle but don't meet the threshold for a diagnosis.

Falalfn · 14/10/2025 09:28

A label wouldn’t change you.

Just live your life the way you see fit.

Colourbrain · 14/10/2025 09:31

I personally wouldn't worry too much about the label, I would wonder more about the impact of growing up with a violent Mum and how this has shaped you. Can you access any counselling to talk all this through with someone?

LillyPJ · 14/10/2025 09:32

Having a diagnosis isn't an 'excuse'. We're all different and you are just you. You don't 'fail' that sort of test!

ProfoundlyPeculiarAndWeird · 14/10/2025 09:32

You didn't "fail" your autism assessment and you don't need "an excuse for being me".

The way we currently talk about autism and several other conditions seems increasingly as a label that people find necessary in order to accept themselves and expect compassion from other people.

Everyone needs support and compassion. Perhaps trauma has contributed to your current state, perhaps some form of neurodiversity that doesn't meet clinical thresholds, or is not yet diagnostically defined, or perhaps just general life experience and personality.

The fact that you regard not being diagnosed as autistic as a "failure" suggests that you aren't willing to show yourself the compassion that you need unless you have the external validation that society increasingly seems to focus on.

You need compassion, support and kindness as much as anyone else, regardless of some broad-brush assessment, which can't possibly be sensitive to all of the neurodiversity that the complexity of the brain entails, or to life experiences that have shaped you.

childofthe607080s · 14/10/2025 09:32

What would the label give you?

resources that help people with autism cope are freely available so you can work out how to live your life using the tricks and tools without a diagnosis?

a good employer will make adjustments for you without a label if you can say “my productivity will be better if …”

the diagnosis is for people who would need more significant support and changes

Personperson · 14/10/2025 09:36

It could be your ADHD, it could be you just have traits.

ADHD can be very similar to autism in many ways.

I have many sensory issues and food aversions. Have a look at adhd in females.

Didwesayitall · 14/10/2025 11:35

@malificent7 Did they assess you for other issues? Have they said you could have cptsd instead for example? Many other health conditions can explain you, not just autism.

There's nothing to "fail" but I can understand why you'd think that when people get congratulated in groups after getting their diagnosis. It's like a prize to be won when it should be seen as a diagnosis of a condition.

So you don't have that condition, that's why you weren't diagnosed with it. Not that you didn't pass. If you still have issues, then I suggest that you go get tested/assessed based on your symptoms and you'll be diagnosed with the condition or illness that you do have. Hopefully get some support for it too.

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 14/10/2025 11:36

What would it change, though?

ComfortFoodCafe · 14/10/2025 11:38

Not sure what you mean by failed, you either are or your not.
Autism doesnt excuse anyones behaviour regardless.

FuzzyWolf · 14/10/2025 11:44

Having trauma, especially in your childhood, is often considered to cause traits akin to autism. It’s why those who have experienced trauma often either aren’t diagnosed or are diagnosed with something else.

I would accept that you aren’t autistic but appreciate that much of your thinking and need for adjustments is similar. However, it will be a different way of obtaining and needing support to help deal with it.

Dovetail22uk2 · 14/10/2025 12:08

malificent7 · 14/10/2025 08:35

Always struggled growing up with friendships, work, eating disorders,alchohol,depression etc.
Sdd diagnosed with aitism and I could see myself in her.
Went for my nhs assessment and apparently I am not autistic as I speak well and join in conversations.
But they gave me no other advice/ feedback...just left me hanging.
I mean i might have CPTSD as my mum was violent towards me. What now? So there is no excuse for me being me?

You don't need an excuse for being you. You need the reason to understand why you are why you are. I get this. If you can afford it I would contact a private provider. They often are much more experienced in diagnosing women and AFAB people who have grown up masking and having to fit in. I am eloquent, have an okay job, am married, have children, can make small talk when I have to. But I'm still autistic. I used adultautism.ie and you can pay in instalments. Might be worth thinking about as I understand we need the validation that we are not mad! xx

MistressIggi · 14/10/2025 12:15

Lots of autistic people speak well and can join in conversations! Doesn't mean they don't have struggles.

AutumnCosy2025 · 14/10/2025 12:18

Private assessment if it's important to you to have an official diagnosis?!

Didwesayitall · 14/10/2025 12:47

It does make it interesting when people suggest private providers to get an ND diagnosis when someone didn't get one on the NHS. People always seem confident that they'd get the diagnosis there instead.

Is there something the private providers do that the NHS assessors don't? Aren't they supposed to be working with the same NICE criteria and report from the patient?

Original poster
malificent7 · 14/10/2025 12:48

Thank you for the replies. Lots of food for thought.

OP posts:
Hoodlumboodlum · 14/10/2025 12:55

If you had a test for anaemia/COVID/diabetes etc would you say you 'failed' in the test if you didn't get diagnosed with it?

Nope. So don't see this as a failing. You simply either don't have ASD or you have some elements to support the diagnosis but not enough to for a clear cut diagnosis.

Focus on what support or changes you want to happen rather than the diagnosis.