Failed my autism assessment...what now?

[malificent7]

Always struggled growing up with friendships, work, eating disorders,alchohol,depression etc.
Sdd diagnosed with aitism and I could see myself in her.
Went for my nhs assessment and apparently I am not autistic as I speak well and join in conversations.
But they gave me no other advice/ feedback...just left me hanging.
I mean i might have CPTSD as my mum was violent towards me. What now? So there is no excuse for me being me?

Hi Op I wouldn't dismiss the PTSD - I've recently been having EMDR therapy for PTSD and it's like the wool is lifting from my eyes. I grew up around domestic violence.

I do have ADHD. I have wondered about ASD but I only just scored above the threshold although GP referred me. I think there's definitely some communication issues, possibly some OCD traits, some social anxiety. I'm working through the EMDR, then will try and tackle more of the communication stuff (basically stopping trying to mindread other people) and working on assertiveness, figuring out the right balance of empathy and boundaries. By the time I've done that will see where I'm at re. ASD assessment.

As long as I have a home, income, food and a family, I honestly give a fucking shit who thinks I am ND or NT and do I fit with the Jonesses or bloody not.

Finally found a lovely job where everyone is allowed to be themselves. My boss is gay, he knows what it means to be left out or mocked or whatever. All colleagues have been through hardships. Go and find such people - go to the suffering, and I can guarantee you, that you will fit , be loved, accepted and cared for

It's a very significant medical diagnosis. Calling it a label sounds dismissive - but perhaps you didn't mean that?

With an autism diagnosis, you get a detailed report explaining what your difficulties are and how they affect your life. Nobody can get to grips with that without a diagnosis.

It can also have incredibly practical applications, for example if you are taking any exams it may mean you can be allowed extra time and it may also help for example if you are applying for PIP (disability benefit). It is also useful for any medical professionals who are treating you - there are quite a few health conditions and other problems that are more common with autistic people. It will also give them a better idea of how to help the patient:

OP, maybe ask for a second opinion? Perhaps go the 'right to choose' route. From what I've heard not all autism assessors have a good understanding of diagnosing women and girls.

You didn’t fail your assessment. It’s like saying you failed a high blood pressure assessment or you failed a clinical depression assessment. You are still you nothing has changed.

This. But it’s also important to consider that women (especially those of us that had to mask our entire lives) may function very well (outwardly). Which is not the same as actually being neurotypical…

Bless you, OP you haven’t failed anything. You possibly don’t fully meet the criteria. FwIw, my DD “passed” her autism assessment and was gutted. It didn’t come as a surprise but she’s still struggling with it even though it was the result she thought she wanted. It’s complicated, there is no pass or fail. You’re still you.

Same here.

Would a diagnosis provide any comfort to you? I think i'm probably autistic and people who know me think that too but I haven't pursued a diagnosis as ultimately it wouldn't change the fact I have to cope with being me.

You're barking up the wrong tree....possibly that you're ADHD or something else.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.

Or people getting the diagnosis for conditions THEY HAVE and can then get the support they need for it. 50 years ago there would have been fewer diagnoses for most conditions. It doesn't mean anything. The population is far greater so diagnosis numbers will of course go up, our understanding of conditions has gone up so that also goes hand in hand with more diagnoses. Before this thread, I would have said people are more tolerant of neurodiversity which means people are more open to seeking support or diagnosis but this thread shows people can still be as narrow minded as they were in the past.

My child’s only diagnosis is autism. They will never live independently, speak, have a relationship. I support ‘the spectrum’ but I honestly find this late diagnosis uptake truly heartbreaking for those with the ‘severe’ kind. Selfishly, I want autism charities to support those hit hardest. I know that you struggle and I would never want anyone to suffer but what I wouldn’t give to have my child fail an autism diagnosis.

The problem comes when I say to someone ‘my child has autism’ and they now just expect a struggling but essentially functioning person.

No, I think you’ve misunderstood my point and I’m not sure whether that’s deliberate or simply a result of getting carried away with the assumption that people are less considerate of neurodiversity.

Fifty years ago, we lacked a true understanding of neurodiversity (something my own family experienced firsthand). Today, the rapidly growing number of individuals being identified as neurodivergent is concerning. Numerous experts suggest that this trend reflects inaccurate overdiagnosis rather than a genuine increase in neurodevelopmental conditions or population growth.

this is just one article.

https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2778451

This is absolutely why those that have managed all their lives but somehow don’t feel they fit in just make a mockery of those that genuinely do have autism or any other neurodiversity.

I am sorry for your struggles @Fibonacci2 and for your child. X

I don't think those who were labelled 'weirdos' at school in past decades, and socially ostracised/bullied (by teachers as well as kids) because there wasn't the understanding there is now, would necessarily agree.

I agree I feel like it needs grading like autism 1 and autism 2 because the spectrum is huge. And middle age women with jobs, houses and children getting the same diagnosis as an individual who is non verbal, lacks capacity and will need full time carer for life is insane to me and massively minimises people like your sons condition as now anytime anyone mentions autism all you get is eyerolls and yeah everyone has that these days its the in thing

This sort of comment ruins MN for me, unkind nit picking with no compassion. So not only have you not helped the poster you’ve quite possibly made her feel worse. Is it a bad day or is this just you?

Sometimes people grow up isolated, they’ve learnt there’s no point in asking for help it will go unheard. If you are unfortunate to grow up like this and have autism/adhd etc there’s a strong possibility you learnt to mask and “cope” but at the back of your mind you know there’s something wrong but you don’t know what and might assume there’s something wrong with you. If this is the case every interaction, every conversation can leave you feeling as though you said the wrong thing or upset someone as you’re a bad person because something is broken. This is the sort of scenario where having a diagnosis is an absolute life saver. The relief knowing you’re not bad or mad you just have a condition is huge. The OP may not have autism or may be cptsd or a dozen other things. But if she does she will know and she may be able to treat herself differently, kinder maybe with more compassion.

Being “a bit weird” isn’t the same as being non-verbal and unable to live independently and shame on you for conflating the two.

The overdiagnosing will eventually mean that there will be more ND people then NT people which will mean the NT people will actually become the ND people.

Except I wasn't. My point was that absent any kind of helpful diagnosis, these were the labels people used to be wrongly saddled with. At least there is more understanding now.

Looking at the rest of your posts on your thread, though, you seem to think people shouldn't be diagnosed as autistic unless their difficulties are severe. It's called a spectrum for a reason.

Do you think you only deserve an autism diagnosis if you are non verbal and unable to live independently?

I think what people are saying is there should be another word/ diagnosis for it

you seem to think people shouldn't be diagnosed as autistic unless their difficulties are severe.

literally not what I said, but you know that.

Of course there is a spectrum and I have diagnoses in my family. It is a fact though that there is over diagnosed and there are precious snowflakes who need to just get on with life I’m afraid and are not on the spectrum as much as they want to be a bit different.

How do you distinguish though? Apparently an autism diagnosis is just as severe for all those on the spectrum. There are no means to distinguish when asking for help. Do you think the same considerations for help should be applied to the autistic woman married with kids holding down a job to the non verbal adult in a care home?

I was once told on here I was very lucky as because my child was so severely disabled he would never recognise he felt different and suffered much less than her. Who held down a job and family but suffered deep anxiety, my child was lucky not to know this. It made cry.