Do you enjoy your life?

[rainbowsandcloudyskies]

I’m 53, have a great DH and 3 grown up children (at home/Uni).

I have just realised that I don’t really enjoy my life. Work and work worries take over, then there is a relentless list of stuff to do. I reward myself with food and TV but I’m realising that in reality it’s not enjoyable. I’ve got to the point where I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore.

What parts of your life do you enjoy? Have you purposely built in enjoyable moments into your day?

I settle for being content. I don’t think happiness is a state you can be in 24/7. Time in nature is what makes me feel really invigorated.

Most of it, yes.
I go to the theatre or dance or art galleries at least once a month.
Read a lot.
Walk in nature every weekend and by the river every other day.

I am militant about building enjoyment into my life. I do watch TV but I don't let it take over.

I have a lovely life, but I also have reasonable expectations of what life 'should' look like. I'm 51, single, young adult DD at home, 2 cats. Have a job I enjoy, brilliant friends. Go to gigs, on holidays, great restaurants. There's always a list of stuff to do, but I ignore it when it suits me and do something fun instead.

Oh I love it, genuinely. I’m married to a good man who adores me and works so hard for our family, I get to stay home with our small children, v nearly 4yo and 7mo. All I ever really wanted from life was to have a happy family having grown up in a highly abusive household, so everything about my current life makes me so happy. I do v little at the moment outside of caring for our children, because they’re so young, but that suits me just fine! Yesterday, for example, we when to football in the morning then blew up balloons and played ‘keepy uppy’, carved a pumpkin because DS wanted to, baked cookies and played in the woods. I’m very lucky.

Usually yes. At the moment I’m worrying about a dc and that is taking over a bit.

I was struck by you saying you don’t even know what you enjoy. Maybe spend some time thinking about this and write a list? Can be tiny things- walking the dog, the texture of grass on a frosty morning, a favourite mug, chatting with friend over coffee, trees, whatever. Then try to build more of that in and really notice it. I feel that so much of enjoying life is really about attention- being able to notice things and not have your life just scroll past you as you deal with everything.

Oh and I go on as many solo holidays and mini breaks as I can, despite being married for a very long time. Or maybe because of it!
I love my solo travels.

Yes. I enjoy running, cooking, swimming, cycling, gardening, walking through the woods or fields, getting together with friends.

I have 30 minutes each morning (if I wake up on time) sitting in bed with a coffee, peaceful, warm, listening to bird song and doing mumsnet puzzles.

I'm older than you, 62. I've only got two terms school fees to pay. My mortgage will be finished next summer. Those two thoughts give a huge amount of relief and a sense of achievement. By then I'll have worked for 50 years and I intend to go part time 🙂

Enjoying life is, in some degree at least, dependent on your expectations.

My life is one that on description would make some people consider killing themself.

One friend actually told me she has a DNR in place (and has actually had DNR tattooed on her boob) in case she should ever end up in my situation and that she would pursue euthanasia.

Of course she didn’t directly compare it to me but what she envisions as intolerable is actually my life. In fact hers would still be better than mine because she has a great husband and is very comfortable financially.

However, I still find pleasure in my small way.
My lovely cat, my garden. Seeing friends when they have time. A good book or something on tv. Occasionally I can go out if anybody can take me.
It’s all about perspective.

Most of it. We holiday a lot. Are comfortable financially with two young adults doing well and retiring next year at 55. We are three of four parents down though, I lost both of mine before they were 70 and have no other family I ever see so take nothing for granted.

Somewhere between contentment and enjoyment here, but you really do need to practice gratitude and the way you look at things. DM always used to say that she counted her blessings when she was able to wash her face with warm water before getting into bed in an evening. If ever I find myself feeling down or envious, I think about what I’ve achieved (which to some won’t be much, admittedly). But we have a warm, safe home, enough money to have an ok standard of living by UK standards, way more than most of the world and we have freedom - what’s not to enjoy? Take pleasure in the small things, these really are the good old days.

Its a bit of a treadmill at the moment, but I think that's my stage of life. Lots of financial worries, meaning head down and constantly working which is tiring. Dc still young so no huge freedom to change anything. Im pleased with the direction things are going in, but ultimately after this phase I will need to make some big changes. I think I need more freedom to feel happier. My mindset is positive.

Generally, yes. I try to go for a walk as often as I can. I’m lucky I have nice parks and woods near me. Time in nature helps so much.
Do you go out op? Spend time with your family and friends? Do things by yourself?

Empty nest just started ( 1 dc), working in a lesser job, some property worries, so I am struggling to enjoy much atm. Tthings will improve but also trying not to wish my life away at the same time

I'm a similar age but single after a grim marriage breakdown a few years ago.

I aim for feeling content now rather than "happy" as such. I avoid social media as much as I can (except MN which is a guilty pleasure) which helps and I focus on simple pleasures.
I don't have a lot of money and my future looks very different to how it did when I was married but I have come to terms with that.

Do you need to work as hard as you do or could you take a step back in some way? Change roles? Reduce hours?
Being healthy at this age is something to be grateful for and to prioritise - mentally healthy as well as physically.
Think about what really matters to you, beyond work, and what changes you can make.

Mostly. I worry a lot and DH could pull his weight a lot more but on the whole it’s ok.

I have a few financial struggles, but no more than a lot of people, I'm single and I don't love it but I'm not desperate to find anyone. Generally I'm reasonably content I'd say. I'd love a pet but I'm just not home enough

I need to get out and get a bit more exercise and start enjoying walking, cycling again this winter I think

I think happiness is fleeting, we all have moments and times of happiness but to expect to wake up every day happy is not realistic. Contentment is the goal though, are you content with what you have and what you've achieved?

Try doing something a bit different- turm off the TV and put the radio on or read a book. Do you enjoy the radio more or tye book? Go for a walk every day ' even 20 mins. How do you feel on rainy days vs sunny days. If yiu walk the same route, what's different this week than last. Go for a bimble in a nearby town or somewhere you dont normally go. How is it? Did you like this shop vs that?

You get the idea - just try different,easy gentle stuff. You'll learn about yourself again. Give yourself time and space.

Not everything is happy. Peace, though, finding your peace is invaluable and knowing how to get it back if it wavers (as it does). Bursting with happy is big ask for all the time.

I totally agree with the pp who strives for contentment rather than being overjoyed. Being constantly happy is not the way we are built. We are meant to be a little anxious some of the time - it is how we survived as a species when there was a sabertooth tiger trying to eat us!

I am very content but I do have worries and have experienced sadness, bereavement etc. That's all part of life.

If you feel you are living the wrong life though or are constantly down, that is a different thing entirely and you don't need to push through without getting some help.

Thank you for all the replies.

I think I have lost sight of what I enjoy after years of raising children and putting too much energy into work.

Simple, quiet things appeal to me.

After reading your posts, I think I need to work on changing my mindset. In many ways I am very lucky.

Mainly but I have to be careful not to waste it with scrolling/tv/eating. Those aren’t rewards and they don’t make you feel good but they are tempting options when you are tired.

i am happiest when i go for walks, go to the gym, cook a nice meal, meet up with friends, go to a gallery with one of the kids, make time for a coffee with DH. I have to remind myself to prioritise making those things happen in the few hours im not at work rather than letting exhaustion lead me to staring at my phone or eating badly.

Finding peace is also important to me.

Yes, I do lots of lovely things and I enjoy them!

I moved somewhere beautiful and have a comfortable bed. I have a modest house furnished with second hand things in a cheap part of town, but it's close to the uplands which is what I wanted. I have good friends and spend time with people I properly like. Each day I do at least one thing that lifts me: sauna, walking in the woods, tea with my dad, the good sausages from the butcher, singing, a log fire, friends to stay, the theatre - it can be a big thing or a small thing. I get out into the hills every day, even if it's just for 20 minutes. I do feel so lucky!

I don't watch much telly. I occasionally go on a jag where I watch a whole series, and I enjoy that too! But I prefer podcasts and a walk most days. Or a bath and a book. My home is serene and comfortable and quiet.

I had a long stretch of struggle and death and pain, and that's over now. So I'm enjoying myself. I am content.

Are you near any art galleries, museums or things that are beautiful and free? I think we all need more beauty in our lives.

@Offherrockingchair your post resonates. Long time retired, in our late 70s. We have had some tough times, DH had some major health issues in middle age which impacted us financially, and led to us moving and tightening our belts.

Now I’m pretty contented, I like the area where we live, I volunteer, see friends, go to exercise classes. DH has interests at home, and we share household tasks, based on what we don’t mind doing!

Our DCs work hard, and we’re fortunate that they have been able to provide a good standard of living for our DGC, who are in their teens, and rapidly becoming adults. I count my blessings most days. Warm home, comfy bed, supportive family, solvent.

I read some advice (it may have been in Feeling Blah by Tanith Carey) that you can take a look back at what you enjoyed as a child as a starting place for what you may enjoy now. That has certainly rung true for me with reading.