Do you enjoy your life?

[rainbowsandcloudyskies]

I’m 53, have a great DH and 3 grown up children (at home/Uni).

I have just realised that I don’t really enjoy my life. Work and work worries take over, then there is a relentless list of stuff to do. I reward myself with food and TV but I’m realising that in reality it’s not enjoyable. I’ve got to the point where I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore.

What parts of your life do you enjoy? Have you purposely built in enjoyable moments into your day?

What a horrific insensitive thing to say! And she's supposed to be a friend !

You are right that happiness has much to do with expectations. I think one thing that helps me is that I don't have SM so I don't compare myself to others seemingly brilliant lives. I think it's lovely that you can be happy even though you seem to be in a tough place (you don't mention whether you're disabled/mh problems/other). Unfortunately some of us are "doomed" to be unhappy due to depression- antidepressants helps for the physical side of it- you are physically able to do the things you have to do- but it doesn't help with the profound feelings of lack of purpose and constant inner void (even though there is objectively nothing to explain this).

I hear you. What actually gives me a bit of joy is helping others. I do it every day when I got an occasion; helping old/disabled/homeless people in different way. It brings some joy to me and I hope to them as well. I have friends it's just that I prefer not burdening them with my low mood so I decline until I feel better.

Can't say I enjoy all if it but like op do little things as a reward/ comfort.

I'm 67 and have 3 disabled daughters, two are autistic/ global delay / learning disabled and one is bedbound with severe m.e .

It's the daughter with m.e. takes all our time. We visit every day, deal with hosting her to toilet etc. Her neurologist says he doesn't think she will walk again .
She has 4 carers a day,stay only 30 minutes a time,
Carers won't do laundry unless soiled.
There's so much they won't do so we have to.
Other daughters I rarely see as I have no time.
Two sons I never see.
Occasionally go for a coffee as a treat.
But life is generally, meh 🙂

No. I have huge money worries since my ex messed everything up. My job is full. No time or energy or money for hobbies. Been left with three dogs that ex wanted but now doesn’t. So I feel really trapped and messed up. I can’t remember what it felt like to be happy and free.

Job is dull. Not full.

I’m aware I’m very lucky these days. I’m 60 but have my health (it’s taken work - I was very limited by an arthritic knee and being very overweight not long ago). I had to leave the job I mostly loved (teaching) after burnout but was fortunate enough to be able to take my teacher’s pension early. I supplemented with supply for a bit but now I manage with it and savings. I volunteer walking rescue dogs, sing in a choir and play flute in various groups. I do book club and have good friends. My daughter lives about 25 mins away and I see her regularly. My life is the best it’s ever been currently.
As I say, I know I’m lucky - but making a conscious effort to do things you love instead of just watching tv has always helped me and I’ve always done them (even as a single parent in full time teaching in years gone by).

Yes I do, I love the way I Iive my life-traveling to different countries, shopping, dressing up in new clothes and trying out new makeup.
Everyday is and adventure for me.

I’m 58. Empty nesters. I should be enjoying things at the moment but I’m overly worrying about adult daughters, work, money you name it. I’ve taken up a hobby I do on my day off during the week. It distracts me which I like. I’ve got lots of friends I see regularly. I should be happier.

She honestly didn’t mean to be insensitive and would be mortified to think she had hurt me.

I wasn’t actually hurt, just rather taken aback when I realised she sort of thought I would be better off dead, although not actually me iyswim.

I think that people make assumptions about how they will feel in my position.

Although of course we are all different and maybe she really would find my life intolerable.

For clarity, I’m disabled with limited mobility, chronic pain and have cancer. The cancer isn’t the cause of the pain. I have gone for the Full House in Health Bingo and won.

The worst aspects of my life such as not being able to go out, having no family, worry about the future and the sheer grind of constant pain (especially when it stops me sleeping) does depress me but I have to focus on small wins.

I don’t mean that awful toxic positivity bollocks, hate that.

I mean little things like my cat snuggled up on my lap.

The alternative is sitting in the corner with my pinny over my head sobbing as my grandmother used to say.

Yes, I do.

I run my own little business which I love.
I have animals (which I was never allowed growing up) and I find them hugely comforting and rewarding.
DH is wonderful - we have our disagreements like everyone does, but at the end of the day he is my rock and would do anything for me, likewise for him when he needs it.
My parents live half an hour away and DH's dad is round the corner, and we see both as often as possible.

I'm autistic and this isn't ever the way I imagined my life would turn out, but I feel very, very lucky.

I love your life story , may you always be happy 🙌 ❤️

You will find happiness again SugarPlumpFairyCakes , I know that’s easy for me to say but you will 🤷🏻‍♀️..
Life really is like they say , like a rollercoaster..
You’re not going to stay down ..
Hope it happens for you sooner rather than later x

Yes.
Married forever. Our mothers are frail and every Christmas could be their last.

DS and DIL have moved to another Continent for DS's career. On one level it breaks my heart and on another makes it burst with pride that my ds can command an international job and visa, etc

DD prevaricates between settling down and following her dreams.

Every day I look at the beauty of my garden, the professional respect I get (lord knows why), be glad I'm stepping down to three days a week. I look at the sun, the harvest moon and every night dh tells me he lives me and says the same again when he wakes up.

I have much to be glad for.

Yes I love it

I like the fact that many mention "a simple life" or similar.

That's me. I live alone, don't need much, have good health for my age (68), touch wood! and am financially secure enough to be able to do the things I like. My biggest pleasure is planning trips to historical Roman sites, not just in Italy either! The planning and research is the best bit, since once I get there I feel I know it all already ha ha!

I don't go out socialising that much, but do connect with friends every so often. Being able to enjoy the silence, no TV/radio/podcast and just listen in the quiet to your own thoughts is a gift that takes a while to learn! So just sitting by my patio doors in the morning, drinking my coffee and watching the birds is one of life's great pleasures - for me anyway, and anywhere by the sea, but not on the beach.

I love my simple life, although I'm sure most others would be bored silly. I am now retired which has made it so much better and I wouldn't swap my life for anyone else's.

It's an interesting question. I used to have so much contentment in my life with money, friends, holidays etc. But also appreciating the small things like nature, reading, a cup of tea.

Recently though I went through a very hard time in my life which lasted about a year. It was incredibly stressful and gave me frequent bouts of gloom.

Since then, although the wealthier days are long gone, I struggle to find happiness in the small things I used to love too. I can't enjoy nature without thinking about my money worries, I can't drink a cup of tea without thinking of my work deadlines.

I feel like I've forgotten how to relax which is destroying my contentment and wellbeing.

After 2 decades of putting everyone else ahead of me, I am totally lost and floundering in life. I know what you mean when you say you have no idea what you like any more. I've just started counselling to try and work out why I feel so desolate and anxious and afraid to the point I would like to disappear.

I do generally enjoy my life, but currently poor mental health due to thinking I could come off sertraline. Bad idea :). Just started again so I know in a few weeks I'll be fine again. Those little tablets gave me my life back and I'm not embarrassed about having to go back on them, I just thought it was worth a try!

But generally, I have a good partner, family, hobbies, a really fun and tbf cushy job.. I have nothing to complain about at the moment.

Obviously there are ups and downs with things that happen, but that's just life. Generally, my life is good.

Not very much. I’m 58. Two adult children with SEN, one profoundly disabled with challenging behaviour. She doesn’t enjoy going out so often this is futile, so we end up staying home. I work a lot and do most of household stuff. Overall it’s hard work, boring and stressful. I need to somehow reassess and try to bring in some fun 🫤!

Yes I do. After a very loving but difficult marriage that ended with dh’s death at 52, I feel lucky every day. I am with dp now and the fact that he is healthy and able to do things like work and socialise amazes me. I also count my blessings that I am able to work too, it’s a gift. I’ve had a long period of many frail elderly people in my life but that is perhaps almost over? Although there are always more people getting older, but once your parents are no longer here it is a bit less overwhelming. I’m hopeful for a good patch before dp and I start to get frail ourselves.

Without wanting to be trite, I’ve had friends say good things about doing a gratitude journal every night. Not my bag. But I have found that I’ve started to enjoy slow and basic yoga and one class that goes slowly enough for me. Theres a thing at the beginning where we ‘let go of yesterday, let go of tomorrow’ and that really helps.

I absolutely love my life!
To be honest, it's never been better - I'm in my 60s and have had hard times: divorce, single parent, severe financial worries. But those time are long gone and well behind me now.

My children have grown up and flown the nest so no worries about schooling/childcare, and my parents are no longer with us so no elderly care worries.

I look back and I'm pleased I used my life to do many things/different careers/travelled the world - much of it on a budget, I have never been wealthy at all. I cringe at the mistakes I made as a younger person but I also recognise that they were learning points in my life - I have learned to accept my past self, put right what I can and then move on as a wiser person.

These days I am truly content with what I have. I'm a pensioner on a state pension but can afford to live, I rent (but a beautiful place in the countryside which I love), I can afford to run my car (gives me such freedom to visit places and people, and enjoy the countryside), I have a few hours part-time work as part of a small friendly work team. I have loads of hobbies - writing, painting, photography, baking etc., and take part in lots of activities - church, evening classes, school governor and so on, so plenty of contact with others of all ages.

I'm older and less sprightly than I ever was but I do believe I'm at my happiest. I think it all depends on life stage and whether or not we are burdened with too many responsibilities, and whether the people around us are friendly and supportive or drain our energy (or worse).

Wow! You sound amazing. I would love to have your life.

All power to you! You’re really living life as it should be lived.

Having spent most of my life petrified, stressed at lack of money, housing worries, worried about kids, I am now enjoying cruising in the waters of peaceful, relatively stress-free older age.

Kids are grown up and making their own way. I have a house, a job which I am shortly to retire from. My wants are simple and small and I can gain enormous amounts of pleasure from my dog, a walk in the sun, coffee with a friend.

But I am very very fortunate to have good health, enough money to survive on, a WFH creative job which keeps money coming in and my mind ticking over, good friends and to live somewhere that's a popular tourist destination, but off the beaten track. I just hope that the years of dreadful stress, of keeping the show on the road as a penniless single mum to five, isn't going to come back and hit me in the form of poor health later.

I think it helps if you like the simple life and can take a good quality of life from what is available to you.

Not really. I live somewhere somewhere horrible. No family nearby. Work is going downhill but I can't easily change jobs as I have a child with SEN. My current employer is at least tolerant when I have a crisis.