Do you enjoy your life?

[rainbowsandcloudyskies]

I’m 53, have a great DH and 3 grown up children (at home/Uni).

I have just realised that I don’t really enjoy my life. Work and work worries take over, then there is a relentless list of stuff to do. I reward myself with food and TV but I’m realising that in reality it’s not enjoyable. I’ve got to the point where I don’t even know what I enjoy anymore.

What parts of your life do you enjoy? Have you purposely built in enjoyable moments into your day?

My DH & I both share the attitude that a job needs doing so you might as well enjoy it. Being miserable about doing it makes it considerably worse. I think most of our kids have a similar mindset.

Yes I enjoy and appreciate life. I don’t have a big house or a fancy car or even earn a lot of money but I truly appreciate how lucky I am to live in a pretty safe country and have water coming out of my tap and a roof over my head.

It’s about finding those little joys in life to appreciate every day. That doesn’t mean I don’t have bad or stressful days but even when it has been a rubbish day at work I’ll find something to remind me to be positive.

Having my favourite meal for dinner, going for a walk in nature, messaging someone I love, treating myself to something I wouldn’t usually.

We’re here only once and it’s not going to be constantly great and life will throw terrible things at all of us but we have to ride the rollercoaster and appreciate the good.

Start thinking about things that make you happy. Do things solo or with people. Cinema dates, dinner out, walks, local events.

Do things at home to make staying in somewhere you really want to be. Nice candles, cosy throws, oil diffusers, new pjs and slippers etc.

Not at the moment, no. It’s pretty shitty and I’m exhausted of the whole thing.

I love hearing the teens relate what they think was the best bit of their day
I enjoy the first morning bitterness of black coffee as the caffeine kicks in
I enjoy the feeling of reading a great book that you forgo tv/radio/internet for - not all books do this
Enjoy sitting round kitchen table, things cooking, discussing the newspapers.
Like visiting the local pub with friends for conversation

These are just simple pleasures that make life enjoyable able.

There are bigger things I guess, like taking the digital camera out, I love dystopian landscapes so collect images to use as reference to paint dystopian landscapes.

I can make clothes, sewing, it’s infrequent and usually starts with seeing material and thinking oh what could you do with that.

We have a loving, respectful, fun, kind marriage, we are working together towards a comfortable retirement and springboard into adulthood for the teens (financially because having enough money matters). Two teens who are growing into confident, decent young men. Fun friends.

And this is how we look at life. It’s not full of pampering days, or mini breaks, or home decoration you could post on instagram. But it’s full of laughter, conversation, good food, movement, crazy ideas, mistakes and love.

Having this small, normal life, giving and receiving love, it’s more than enough. The rest is filling in time.

On the whole yes. I have my struggles and have had to make choices to support my children that if we had more support or money I'd not make but I am also lucky in that we can just about survive on one salary. So I can look after my children but particularly my child with additional needs.

I look for the silver linings. I'm careful about who I spend time with. When I could work outside the home I was working with the homeless and I felt like I'd won the lottery everyday coming back to a home that was mine.

I'm low/no contact with family. I notice how stressed and down I am if I spend too much time even hearing about their worlds and the way they view me (scapegoat,poor relation etc)

I don't watch lots of TV or do social media at all and don't watch the news. I'm very intentional with my time. I know what I love and what invigorates me. We have kept our life pretty small and manageable. We don't do keeping up with the jones so no fancy holidays or designer stuff/cars. We do lots for free or second hand. I think it helps to keep perspective. I love nature, creativity and animals.Always have done. It sustains me.

I'd definitely follow what a previous poster said about looking what you loved as a child and seeing if that can bring you more joy now.

I’ve settled for “it is what it is” as far a life is concerned.

Different phases in life result in different outcomes. I was where you were when I was in my fifties. My job worries were sapping, and my poor husband was also having a horrendous time work-wise and it made our lives miserable, as things were not under our control. Add in an empty nest, and things were not good.

But now things are so much better. We made changes - we both retired early and also at our daughter's request moved to be near her. But I always remember my wise Dad saying peace of mind is the most important thing to have. Obviously we still have worries - that's part of life - but we try to appreciate every day and find peace and contentment. For me gardening, reading and spending time with my daughter and grandchildren make me happy. Also my husband and I have a good relationship and a laugh.

Small things will really help you manage your situation with work - distract yourself with reading and giving yourself you-time for other hobbies. You deserve it. It's easy for us ladies to put ourselves last and we all deserve better.

I can’t thank you all enough! You are all on the same page- small things, a simple life, peace, gratitude…

This is definitely where I want to be.

I’m not religious but I am wondering if I need to find spirituality in some other way.

Maybe join a local Pilates or yoga class.

Its under estimated just how much inner peace and calm it can bring. Not to mention the health benefits.

I'm 57.. four grown up kids (one has autism and will always live with us) and I felt the same a few years ago. I decided to take stock of life.. why did I feel so flat?

Upshot,I went on HRT, and found hobbies... I now have an allotment, play squash a few times a week and have just started learning a language. DH took up a different sport and now coaches, and it has does us both good. We are both fitter, have separate interests which helps keep us interesting I think! I also dropped to part time as the grandchildren came along and have made friends half my age at the baby groups I attended with no 1 and now no 2 grandchild as I do granny care for them.
I'm leaping with joy, but am mostly content. I need a lot of alone time and always have and the allotment is perfect for that!
My adult children still need me quite a lot but in different ways and I love being part of their lives but also relish quiet days!

Loved reading this!

Once I reached 50 I found I only do things I really want to.
i don’t people please and I don’t make excuses.
its just a flat no.
I work 40 hours a week and my free time is precious.
i don’t people please things I like or sometimes just pottering about at home on a weekend is enough for me.

Me too 😊. Particularly the bit about being intentional with my time…

I started engaging with Buddhist teachings and practice in the past couple of years. The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching is a really good book if you're interested, plum village has a really good app and groups that meet up online or in person in UK.

I also have a creative practice that is necessary for my mental health. If I didn't make space for it, I think I'd be depressed. I think everyone is creative, finding a way to express yourself is finding a way to grow. It keeps life feeling alive if that makes sense

Not at the moment.

I hate my life and I don't want to be here. Felt like this since forever. Can't do anything about it because of religious belief. I've had a bad life with one thing after another. It's just a punishment. Nothing to hope for now. I don't intend to be treated if I become seriously ill. My antidepressants are the only thing to get me out of bed on a morning.

I’m sorry.
I don’t want to be flippant but I hope things get better for you.

This is really interesting to me.

I will look into the Buddhist teachings. You’ve reminded me that I did, years ago, but then other things took over.

Can you share more about your creative practice? I think it’s what I’m looking for…

Read the lyrics to 'Reasons to be Cheerful' by Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Serious suggestion. You can find pleasure in the quirkiest things!

I am militant about building enjoyment into my life

I like that 😊

OP - with regard to work; my previously enjoyable job has become stressful and often unpleasant. I'm riding it out for the wfh benefits and the pension. I'm going to be militant about switching off when my work day ends and doing stuff I enjoy and not thinking about our dreadful management team when I'm not on the clock.

With Buddhism, the thing that's made the difference to me is practicing with a group. I tried it years ago too and forgot about it. But when you do it with others, I find it makes such a difference. I just do it with an online meditation group/sangha, I've never even met any of the others in real life but it still does the trick, for now anyway.

I write fiction. I've had a few bits and pieces published, I still very much have to have a job to pay the bills! But the important thing is for me, and sorry if this sounds wanky, but I take it seriously. I'm trying (and mostly failing) to make art. Otherwise it wouldn't have real meaning for me. I take art seriously. I think the thing for me is it's about engaging is something that has real meaning and value to me - literary fiction - even if the sum total of my work is tiny.

There is a book I'd really recommend- The Creative Act by Rick Rubins. That really helped me figure this kind of stuff out and how important it is to me.

Good luck!🙂

@staryellow
Thank you for replying. This completely aligns with me. x

I try to think like this; if life didn't have some less good bits, some trials and challenges, some boredom and some misery; would we appreciate the good bits as much?

Maybe that's a foolish way of thinking

No, you're right. How would we really know what happiness was if we had never experienced sadness?
Sad or difficult times make us appreciate good times.

However, I think striving to be constantly happy or thinking that's how life should be is naive though, in reality it's all shades of light & dark.

I felt like this a few years ago, at your age. Nothing majorly wrong. Usual worries about kids/parents and some work stress. But decent marriage and plenty money.
But I just didn’t feel myself if that makes sense. I was flat and un-enthused. Body-identical HRT has been a game changer. I’m much calmer. Have better sleep, energy and sex drive and can feel joy again.