Speeding teen driver - DS a passenger WWYD

[DeadMansBones]

My DS was out with friends last night, DS is 17 driver of the car is 18. I get a notification via life360 app that the car is driving at 102 mph and 67 risky incidents. The route driven was down back roads that are unlit and dangerous. WWYD?

Well said!

Of all the battles to try and wriggle out of picking, this isn't one!!!

Contact the police, see what they say. Tell your son you've contacted them and he may receive a visit (you can say "may" whatever they tell you, hopefully it'll make him think twice).

He's hardly going to tell his mate to slow down because he's going too fast. It gives them a high to drive and ride like that. Doesn't make it right though.

If OP tells the boy's parents, they'll come back with the same thing as others have said. 360 isn't reliable on speed, and it's pretty impossible to do 100 on country roads.

And if course OP's son will be mortified and block the permission on the app.

OP - It's horrible, it's scary, but I can't see a way through this that isn't simply telling your son that he's not to ride with this friend, and being his taxi driver for the next few years.

Yes 360 speed is accurate.

My DD is 16.5 years & we still use life 360.

I would be stopping him getting in the car & I would be finding a way to talk to his parents. I would suggest to DS he either shares friends details/parents details or you're reporting it to the police.

I'm strict too but I'm okay with it. Better safe than sorry!

Thank you! Someone who understands that I have no real proof of who's car it was, who was driving, just that my son was in that car.

I think, at the very least, they'd have a chat with the OP's son. Of all sections of society, the emergency services are the first to not want to have to witness the trauma of yet another fatal crash.

My friends 15 yr DS was killed - thrown out of the windscreen. 15yr old gf who had lied to police said she wasdriving, they obviously soon realised that wasn't the case. Such a waste of a life. So sad.

The thing is, this is where - ime - you ‘cash in’ all the efforts you gave put into your child over the previous 17 years - all the lifts, the conversations, the favours, the engagement with their lives, the food, the holidays etc etc. So when you ask ‘what are you planning this evening? Where would you like a lift to?’ you get an answer, and when they text you at 1 am wanting a lift home, you go without a murmur every time.

Yes, there are aspects of DC’s life I never knew - and never will know - anything about, and as they are now adults those aspects are wider and wider. But in those difficult late teen years, in the most dangerous aspects, they knew we worked with them to keep them safer.

Apart from a a very stern talking to I don't see what else you can do. You could tell him if it happens again he won't be allowed to go but I'm not sure you can police that.

If he goes again I would be watching the app like crazy and the second they speed I would be calling the police. Getting him pulled over will help

Teens will lie and some are not open to listening so some you can’t control but most you can. Actually mine don’t lie much as they don’t need to. I don’t really enforce anything so when I say no they listen. It’s a conversation and I provide the easy and cost effective solution as will always collect them. You just do your best - all we can do.

Call the school ? If they are in the same class the teachers will know who it is, and could pass on a message to his parents to call you.

The other boy is 18, and an adult.

You cannot tell his parents or anyone else, because he is an adult. All you can do is impress upon your son the importance of being careful about who he gets into a vehicle with.

I thought there was some general guidance about teen new drivers - they shouldn’t carry any passengers unless family, they shouldn’t drive at night, etc.

You are being very passive about this. Your son shouldn’t be driving around with anyone at their ages, full stop. You need to stop him going out at all if you can’t trust him. Call the police. Call their school.

A good friends’ teenage son was involved in a high speed accident while being driven by his friend, who was 17 and had just passed his test. They slammed into a tree and two of the four friends in the car, including the driver were killed instantly. The friends son was thrown through the windscreen (none were wearing seatbelts) and ended up in a coma with life changing injuries which ended his promising career with a national football team before it had even got going. One of the back seat passengers had to be cut from the vehicle and was lucky to survive, and horrifically the other back seat passenger was thrown forward and essentially head butted the driver, which was later determined as the major factor in both their deaths.

Drivers this young and inexperienced simply don’t have the skills to drive at speed and they’re a danger to themselves and everyone else on the road.

OP if this were my son, I would be doing everything I could to prevent him getting into the car with this person again until they learn some sense of responsibility for the lives in their care while they are behind the wheel.

Report the bad driving, that should put the car on the police radar and hopefully get him pulled over before he kills someone.

Will your son not tell you the boy's name then?

Will he respect your wishes if you tell him he's not allowed to travel in that car again?

Groups of teenage boys together in cars- absolute recipe for disaster.
I used to work with someone who lost her 19 year old son that way. He was a passenger in a car full of teenage boys out late. The driver lost control (distracted by mates) and hit a tree. Colleague's son was killed and another boy left with life-changing injuries.

Last year locally to me a group of young rugby players out after a match got into a car smash, two killed.

Years ago a pupil of mine lost an elder sister who was a passenger in her boyfriend's car - he'd just passed his test and also was over the drink-drive limit. Her friends had advised her not to go in the car with him as he appeared drunk.

My sister is a paramedic and sees this all the time. Young lads, joking around and distracting mates, music playing, sometimes drink or drugs involved, some not wearing seat belts because they think they're immortal...

And I would have thought my relationship with DS was also like that up until this year. We have always been available for life's wherever and whenever needed. Sometimes the opinions of the people around them outweighs the relationship with their parents.

I think your reply is quite smug but that's fine because I would have probably been that smug parent until I've had my eyes opened this year

Actually, the school / college isn’t a bad idea - ime, they do an immense amount of counselling and pastoral care of friends / relatives after a fatal crash involving current or recent pupils, and have the experience to both talk to young people directly and bring in other services (police; emergency services) who can speak first hand about the dangers.

If they are friends from school/college, I’d get in touch on Monday am, explain the circumstances and ask for their support in educating the peer group in this area.

All you can do is talk to him. He’s 17, almost an adult, so you can’t tell him who he can and can’t hang out with. I remember being that age and being in some pretty close situations in friends cars, which is why I quickly learnt to drive so I could be the driver. A lot of teens drive like idiots, many will get caught and lose their license, a small number will end up in serious accidents. My dd is currently learning, she is sensible but I will still worry when she goes off with friends.

Not undermining the seriousness of the event, but lie 360 logs using your phone as a “risky event” even if you’re not driving so some of them could be that. Not saying it sounds ok though by any means.

Tell him that you don't want to go to his funeral.

I'd also report the incident to the police.

Apologies if it came across the wrong way. I was genuinely trying to analyse what we did at that age and why it worked. I completely acknowledge that we were to an extent lucky with my DC’s peer groups.

How did your son meet this man? If he is 18 is it through college? How many 18 year olds have their own car? He could be borrowing a parent's car but I would be doing everything I could to find out who it was so that I could inform their parents.

My car has an app so I can see how fast my son is driving my car and fortunately for me he is more interested in the target of highest mpg than mph.

Surely your son knows who he is and can therefore tell you?