Speeding teen driver - DS a passenger WWYD

[DeadMansBones]

My DS was out with friends last night, DS is 17 driver of the car is 18. I get a notification via life360 app that the car is driving at 102 mph and 67 risky incidents. The route driven was down back roads that are unlit and dangerous. WWYD?

To add to my reply… I am a secondary teacher. In the past 12 months we have had 3 ex-students, all 18 and under, pass away through car accidents. One of these was a passenger in a friends car. In all of the incidents; speeding was a cause…
I would get the friends details and be sure who was driving… surely you would be able to tell if DS wasn’t being honest with this? You say you don’t know the parents, but I’m guessing your son knows where they live… this really isn’t something to brush off as ‘the app might not be accurate.’ The roads you described are max 70, so 90-100mph isn’t just slightly over, that is reckless driving to the max! Even if the app isn’t 100% accurate… is it worth not doing anything about this? The consequences could be huge.

That isn’t mild speeding. I would ban your son from riding with that friend for the time being.

@DeadMansBones show him the stats of how many people die because of dangerous driving.

I lost my brother and cousin due to a speeding idiot.

It ruins lives and the laws need to be stricter.

My dc has just passed their test and I have said max one passenger for now.

I wouldn't want them to get in the car with a new driver I didn't know well, and be more than one passenger, and wouldn't want them to get lifts late at night.

Pick your battles by all means. But not picking this one may mean your picking flowers for a funeral as happened to a colleague of mine when her son (18) was tragically killed as a passenger in a car driven by another young person.

Or picking wheelchairs, if your son is very lucky.

He was absolutely aware of the speed, as was the driver. No 18 is going 100miles plus without noticing, if anything it will have been the whole focus of the drive. Which means he is likely lying to you, probably because he enjoyed it. Since he is 17, I don't suppose you have too much control over it but I'd be pulling every string I could to avoid this happening again, including reporting it to the police if needed. His life is at risk.

Terrifying for parents, isn't it? In Canada there are already restrictions in place on young drivers with respect to curfews and limiting the number of non-family members and other young passengers they can have. Hope something similar is done in the UK.

You cant get excited about everything but This is a hard line / hill I'd die on.

I would be explaining that unfortunately you just cannot allow him to travel or get lifts with that friend ever again because you dont want him to die. And its non negotiable...

And I'd be closely overseeing that and ensuring it was adhered to via providing lifts myself (at 2am if needed) and paying for taxis.

I'd also go to the boys house and just knock / leave a note with my number and speak to the parents because if their son died or was injured I'd feel incredibly guilty I knew and said nothing.

That’s not just a bit over the speed limit. There is no way your DS didn’t notice especially on back roads!! He’s lying to you.

That speed, if repeated (which it will be) someone will die. Time to get to know his parents I think.

I can think of at least 3 incidents involving groups of teenagers locally to me, in the last 2 years alone, where some/all of the car's occupants have been killed.
Google a few news stories and make him read them.
And there's no way your DS didn't know the driver was going that fast. In one of the incidents I'm thinking of, the passengers were pleading for the driver to slow down.

I literally only know the boys first name and nothing else, very recent new friendship. I don't know the car reg or anything. Things are different when your kids get older, you don't know their friends like when they are little. Also as I've found out this past year they will happily lie to get to do whatever they want to do, honestly parenting teens is an eye opener

This is a battle worth fighting.

1. my child would not be allowed to set foot in that car again, ever.
2. I would want to know who the parents are - name, address - and I would be going round there.
3. I would be showing the police and asking them to speak with the driver at the very least.
4. I would be showing my child video/news articles of deaths relating to teens driving at high speed and making sure they realise the impact, not only the possibility of death but also the impact on their wider families and innocent road users.
   This is something I would go really over the top with, not shouting and screaming but making sure that my child is in no doubt of the dangers AND my rules. I know of local families affected by this, a young girl was killed near here a little over 12 months ago by a speeding driver - the devastation was widespread. Truly heartbreaking.

You are absolutely right to take on this battle. Your son hasn't totally ruled out that vehicle was being driven at speed. He sounds vague. I think if the app wasn't correct and the car was being driven cautiously, he'd be far more defensive of his friend.

I think better to be considered the strict mum than be the one who is grieving their child. It’s possible the app isn’t totally accurate but would it be so far above if they were driving at the speed limit? Honestly, their brains are still developing and this is exactly why young male drivers struggle to get affordable insurance.

To add to my previous post, it doesn't matter that you don't know the driver or the car. The police will speak to your son for information. They may take his phone to see if that can provide evidence of who he was meeting that night. They will take this very seriously. Even if they can't prove who the driver was, the seriousness of the police being involved may have some effect on the boys.
You need to rise above the fact your son may hate you for it. The rest of us don't want to lose our lives or health because you couldn't bring yourself to report it. Sorry to be harsh.

So, you presumably say to your DS, “what’s X’s surname?”

Then if you don’t want to speak to the parents about something that could kill their child, your child, someone else’s child, you report to the police with the details you have.

I drove in the countryside as a teenager. Even 30 years ago this was absolutely possible in some places.

My children were not allowed to take passengers for many months after passing their test and neither were they allowed to be passengers in young teens' cars.

You need to tell your son he can't do this and also contact the driver's family.

If you don't know who is going out with- saying you don't know the other boy's name- that's an issue in itself. You should know who your child is with.

I'd offer him a lift instead of ever getting in the car with that friend again.

This crash happened very near to where I live. I believe one of the boys was decapitated in the crash. Please take this seriously.

Where was your child going? And why? Why were they given a lift by a friend, rather than you transporting them yourself?

Luckily, I had teens who were too busy with serious hobbies to be ‘out with friends in cars’, but I was mum taxi forever. Any time, any place, anywhere, first choice was ALWAYS me or DH driving, however inconvenient to us.

It’s so easy to think, “it’s dangerous but it’s statistically unlikely anything bad will happen if I don’t do something about this.”

Those statistics are people’s children. My sibling was one of them. Notice the “was”. He wasn’t going 102mph either. More likely 40mph less.

I am a very laissez-faire parent. But having seen the stats on deaths of young people as passengers in new drivers pretty much my oy rule is that they do not get in cars with their friends until they have been driving for 3 plus years. Its completely non-negociable.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cj9jg9jrn93o.amp

Another case of 4 teens and excessive speed. Devastating.

You really think you know everyone your child hangs out with at 17/18? I think that's very unrealistic.

How do actually impose these rules? How do you know who they are with and how many are in the car? I really thought I could trust DS up until earlier this year when I realised teens will lie, I know I used to do it to my mum at that age too although I was never this reckless.

I'm already considered the strict parent for even having things like the life360 app, other parents are oblivious probably thinking their kids are angels, it's really bloody hard

Because the app isn't remotely reliable when it comes to speed. Also it doesn't prove what car it was or who was driving. There's not a thing that they'd be able to do