Tw would you say that a lot of people who take their own life didn’t mean to

Level888 · 2025-10-10T23:35:28+00:00

Just cam to my mind as someone I know if recnely took their own life and when I spoke to someone about her. She said she believes it was misadventure and she just sadly wasn’t found in time,

Blarghism · 11/10/2025 04:44

I think that it gives people comfort to feel that the person didn't really mean to do it. That they wanted someone to find them and help rather than to die.

Viviennemary · 11/10/2025 04:55

No. But is an act of desperation I suppose. When folk can't see another way out. It's probably true in a few cases though.

MiraculousLadybug · 11/10/2025 05:06

I think this sort of narrative can be damaging and toxic because it feeds into the very jaded and unhelpful subset of MH workers who think they can ‘tell’ if someone is just doing a ‘cry for help’ rather than seriously wanting to end their lives, or as if not being serious about it means that the person doesn’t need help.

I also think if we stopped recording suicides as ‘misadventure’ then the UK would be very embarrassed in global statistics at the actual prevalence of suicides, and hopefully be forced to fund better and more intelligently-designed mental health support with access for people who don’t neatly fit in the current wooly criteria for help, and fewer people would be left to rot.

While these fairy stories perpetuate, especially in inquests where it isn’t recorded as a suicide unless it meets sometimes-unrealistic criteria due to a legacy of stigma, this can’t be fixed. I know several people who committed suicide whose deaths were recorded as unknown or misadventure and it comes across that it’s “innocent until proven guilty” (due to stigma) for the ‘comfort’ of relatives.

It was no comfort to me to know that my dad’s death was down to useless services who refused to help him because they didn’t believe he was serious, and that the inquest made no recommendations to fix this because his death was not recorded correctly.

We cannot determine capacity in hospitals, for one example, while we keep pretending people don’t really need inpatient treatment when they actually do.

Octavia64 · 11/10/2025 06:38

No.

but I do think a lot of people do it because they are in serious difficulties and if they had someone to help with the difficulties or were able to talk to someone it would help.

many people who have been in accidents and are seriously disabled consider it, but if they have support and help are able to rebuild their lives.

many women who have been raped consider it, but if they have access to supportive counselling they are able to cope much better with the feelings.

it’s often about a lack of support.

it’s on of the reasons Samaritans was set up, to give people someone to talk to.

nothtatlongago · 11/10/2025 06:49

Not posting under my usual name for obvious reasons.
I survived a suicide attempt several months ago. So as someone that tried it I did mean to end my life at that moment but that is not so say I hated all aspects of life and people etc. the easiest way to describe it is something triggered me and I went into autopilot at that moment in that situation I wanted to die.
I am happy I survived and my actions in that small space of time were not successful. I still struggle mentally and still consider it sometimes.
I guess what I am trying to say is for me at least it was a not fully conscious decision in a single moment that could’ve had serious consequences.

Bettyandthebunion · 11/10/2025 06:53

How can you possibly know if they meant to or not?

HeartbrokenCatMum · 11/10/2025 06:55

Blarghism · 11/10/2025 04:44

I think that it gives people comfort to feel that the person didn't really mean to do it. That they wanted someone to find them and help rather than to die.

I found the opposite., that makes it sadder that they didn’t really want to and weren’t found in time. I’ve known a few people who did it and found it comforting that they had wanted to do it for years and were finally out of pain.

Donotgogentle · 11/10/2025 06:59

No - the two people I know who died by suicide definitely meant to do it, it was not an accident.

That doesn’t mean it’s never a misadventure though, someone could be reckless with the amount of medication, alcohol or drugs they’re taking but don’t actively intend to kill themselves.

hamstersarse · 11/10/2025 07:01

I remember a programme a while ago about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge. They interviewed people who survived the jump (not many do) and they all had a moment on the way down of ‘oh no I’ve made a mistake / what am I doing)

I think that scenario is specific to that method, as you’ve got an immediate confrontation, consciously, with what you are doing,

But I’d imagine other methods are more like what @nothtatlongago describe, just drifting into it and before you know it…

Ive unfortunately experienced someone hanging, and it’s so so fast, I never imagine they had time to regret it, and they did want to do it in that moment of madness. They would, I’m sure, regret it if they survived, but it’s such a deadly method so that can never happen,

I truly hope you can recover @nothtatlongago , the impact of suicide is devastating, people who love you (and they do) would mourn you painfully for the rest of their lives

SparklyGlitterballs · 11/10/2025 07:04

Octavia64 · 11/10/2025 06:38

No.

but I do think a lot of people do it because they are in serious difficulties and if they had someone to help with the difficulties or were able to talk to someone it would help.

many people who have been in accidents and are seriously disabled consider it, but if they have support and help are able to rebuild their lives.

many women who have been raped consider it, but if they have access to supportive counselling they are able to cope much better with the feelings.

it’s often about a lack of support.

it’s on of the reasons Samaritans was set up, to give people someone to talk to.

I'd agree with this.

I'm 60 now but was in my teens when I took an overdose of paracetamol with the intention of it being final (considering how many I took I'm very surprised it wasn't!) There were things going on in my life, but looking back, nothing dreadful. I just couldn't cope emotionally with some changes and a knock back from a first love interest. My parents weren't the type that I could speak to about things and I had no awareness of counselling services or other support. If I could have had a safe space where I could discuss my feelings I'm sure I wouldn't have done it.

ThePoetsWife · 11/10/2025 07:05

Please don’t say “committed” - suicide is not a crime. Far better to say died by suicide or ended their life.

Donotgogentle · 11/10/2025 07:08

MiraculousLadybug · 11/10/2025 05:06

I think this sort of narrative can be damaging and toxic because it feeds into the very jaded and unhelpful subset of MH workers who think they can ‘tell’ if someone is just doing a ‘cry for help’ rather than seriously wanting to end their lives, or as if not being serious about it means that the person doesn’t need help.

I also think if we stopped recording suicides as ‘misadventure’ then the UK would be very embarrassed in global statistics at the actual prevalence of suicides, and hopefully be forced to fund better and more intelligently-designed mental health support with access for people who don’t neatly fit in the current wooly criteria for help, and fewer people would be left to rot.

While these fairy stories perpetuate, especially in inquests where it isn’t recorded as a suicide unless it meets sometimes-unrealistic criteria due to a legacy of stigma, this can’t be fixed. I know several people who committed suicide whose deaths were recorded as unknown or misadventure and it comes across that it’s “innocent until proven guilty” (due to stigma) for the ‘comfort’ of relatives.

It was no comfort to me to know that my dad’s death was down to useless services who refused to help him because they didn’t believe he was serious, and that the inquest made no recommendations to fix this because his death was not recorded correctly.

We cannot determine capacity in hospitals, for one example, while we keep pretending people don’t really need inpatient treatment when they actually do.

Thanks for this insight.

Glitchymn1 · 11/10/2025 07:08

I think in the moment they probably do, it’s a hell of a risk to take otherwise. You could survive but be permanently damaged in some way.
Whether some that get found get the help they need and do manage to be happy afterwards- I don’t know. The people that attempt it must be in so much anguish /pain, it takes immense strength to even consider it.

ThePoetsWife · 11/10/2025 07:12

@MiraculousLadybug 👆🏻

Tamfs · 11/10/2025 07:14

MiraculousLadybug · 11/10/2025 05:06

I think this sort of narrative can be damaging and toxic because it feeds into the very jaded and unhelpful subset of MH workers who think they can ‘tell’ if someone is just doing a ‘cry for help’ rather than seriously wanting to end their lives, or as if not being serious about it means that the person doesn’t need help.

I also think if we stopped recording suicides as ‘misadventure’ then the UK would be very embarrassed in global statistics at the actual prevalence of suicides, and hopefully be forced to fund better and more intelligently-designed mental health support with access for people who don’t neatly fit in the current wooly criteria for help, and fewer people would be left to rot.

While these fairy stories perpetuate, especially in inquests where it isn’t recorded as a suicide unless it meets sometimes-unrealistic criteria due to a legacy of stigma, this can’t be fixed. I know several people who committed suicide whose deaths were recorded as unknown or misadventure and it comes across that it’s “innocent until proven guilty” (due to stigma) for the ‘comfort’ of relatives.

It was no comfort to me to know that my dad’s death was down to useless services who refused to help him because they didn’t believe he was serious, and that the inquest made no recommendations to fix this because his death was not recorded correctly.

We cannot determine capacity in hospitals, for one example, while we keep pretending people don’t really need inpatient treatment when they actually do.

I agree wholeheartedly with this poster.

And ending your life is neither easy, a 'cry for help' or a misadventure. It's a very serious stage of a mental illness for which we have a woefully inadequate health service.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/10/2025 07:15

In one case locally that I know of...yes. The girl in question took an overdose of paracetamol. She was found and regretted it, but damage from paracetamol is pervasive and she lost her life anyway. Double whammy sadness for her family.

ShesTheAlbatross · 11/10/2025 07:22

MiraculousLadybug · 11/10/2025 05:06

I think this sort of narrative can be damaging and toxic because it feeds into the very jaded and unhelpful subset of MH workers who think they can ‘tell’ if someone is just doing a ‘cry for help’ rather than seriously wanting to end their lives, or as if not being serious about it means that the person doesn’t need help.

I also think if we stopped recording suicides as ‘misadventure’ then the UK would be very embarrassed in global statistics at the actual prevalence of suicides, and hopefully be forced to fund better and more intelligently-designed mental health support with access for people who don’t neatly fit in the current wooly criteria for help, and fewer people would be left to rot.

While these fairy stories perpetuate, especially in inquests where it isn’t recorded as a suicide unless it meets sometimes-unrealistic criteria due to a legacy of stigma, this can’t be fixed. I know several people who committed suicide whose deaths were recorded as unknown or misadventure and it comes across that it’s “innocent until proven guilty” (due to stigma) for the ‘comfort’ of relatives.

It was no comfort to me to know that my dad’s death was down to useless services who refused to help him because they didn’t believe he was serious, and that the inquest made no recommendations to fix this because his death was not recorded correctly.

We cannot determine capacity in hospitals, for one example, while we keep pretending people don’t really need inpatient treatment when they actually do.

Very well said

PaddlingSwan · 11/10/2025 07:24

Of the friend at university, who thought he could fly and jumped off an electricity pylon, I would say he was high on drugs at the time and probably would not have thought about killing himself in a sober state.
Of an old schoolfriend, who overdosed after a failed (lesbian) relationship, possibly a cry for help that was misjudged.
Of my husband, definitely calculated and deliberate.

NotSureFeelingLost · 11/10/2025 07:34

I think people who haven’t been there can’t understand the experience of being in the state of mind that takes you up to committing suicide. And yes, I’ll say “committing” because it is an active thing. “Died by suicide” is so passive. There is no bigger commitment.

IDontHateRainbows · 11/10/2025 08:12

I don't think you can generalize but I think a lot of those who take their own lives very much did mean to. Its the final act of agency over what can seem very uncontrollable circumstances.

Its not always a 'cry for help' unfortunately

Curlewcurfew · 11/10/2025 08:18

nothtatlongago · 11/10/2025 06:49

Not posting under my usual name for obvious reasons.
I survived a suicide attempt several months ago. So as someone that tried it I did mean to end my life at that moment but that is not so say I hated all aspects of life and people etc. the easiest way to describe it is something triggered me and I went into autopilot at that moment in that situation I wanted to die.
I am happy I survived and my actions in that small space of time were not successful. I still struggle mentally and still consider it sometimes.
I guess what I am trying to say is for me at least it was a not fully conscious decision in a single moment that could’ve had serious consequences.

That helps so much, hearing that, as someone bereaved by suicide. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I so hope you recover soon and have the support you need.

Coconutter24 · 11/10/2025 08:44

ThePoetsWife · 11/10/2025 07:05

Please don’t say “committed” - suicide is not a crime. Far better to say died by suicide or ended their life.

I’m also in a committed relationship, that is not a crime. Committed doesn’t just mean in terms of a crime. They were committed to dying they took their own lives which is suicide so they committed suicide. You die naturally, by illness or an accident.

jiyg · 11/10/2025 08:49

I know a couple of people who jumped in front of trains. They absolutely intended to die.
My school friend who took some pills and alcohol and wrote a suicide note: I immediately thought it was a cry for help and, 40 years on, still do.

Charlenedickens · 11/10/2025 09:08

I also think a lot of people get comfort thinking they didn’t intend to. I only know one person who sadly died by suicide and his family all said he didn’t mean to, but knowing what happened, I can’t think how he didn’t mean to. There could only have been one outcome.

However I don’t think it’s often something people often plan in advance, but often something in the moment, where it is thought about but not acted on then suddenly it is. And also often due to mental health sadly.

Charlenedickens · 11/10/2025 09:10

PaddlingSwan · 11/10/2025 07:24

Of the friend at university, who thought he could fly and jumped off an electricity pylon, I would say he was high on drugs at the time and probably would not have thought about killing himself in a sober state.
Of an old schoolfriend, who overdosed after a failed (lesbian) relationship, possibly a cry for help that was misjudged.
Of my husband, definitely calculated and deliberate.

Can you explain why it was important to point out it was a lesbian relationship. It was just a relationship. We are well past the years of it being straight or gay being so important it needs to be pointed out.