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Original poster

Friends not responding after we missed their party

117 replies

ingkle · 06/10/2025 15:30

Some friends of ours were having a birthday party at their house. It wasn't a meal. Just drinks and nibbles. They live around 40 minutes from our place and it was on a Friday night.

I was working late but clocked off around 8pm. DH wasn't really in the mood to go. So I text to say I was working still at 8:30pm and wasn't sure if we would make it.

We didn't go. I text the next day to apologies and dh messaged my friend/s dh/his friend to say sorry. No reply either. I do feel guilty but we were tired. I think the friends will feel put out because they always make sure to come to our place for parties etc.

OP posts:
IDontDrinkTea · 06/10/2025 15:32

Hang on. So you texted them after the start of the party to say you wouldn’t attend? And yet now you’re wondering why they’re annoyed at you?!

SirChenjins · 06/10/2025 15:33

They probably will be put out. Hopefully not all their friends accepted their invitation to their birthday party and then sent them a text at the last minute, lying about still being at work because they cba going. They would have bought drink and food in, and probably spent time getting the place ready and looking foward to seeing everyone.

Arlanymor · 06/10/2025 15:33

So you texted a fib after the party had started to say you might not make it. And then just didn't go?

Gymmum82 · 06/10/2025 15:34

Yeah that’s pretty crap of you. I’d be pissed off. Can’t stand flakey people

Poonu · 06/10/2025 15:34

You're entitled to feel tired. They're entitled to feel that you're flaky friends.

MsTamborineMan · 06/10/2025 15:35

You were really rude? You didn't even tell them till the next day you weren't coming? Obviously they feel put out, you didn't go to their party because essentially your DH couldn't be arsed, didn't tell them till the next day and apparently they always make an effort to come to yours

movehimintothesun · 06/10/2025 15:36

Your choice not to go. But also their choice to feel pretty put out by that, and to choose to maybe step away a bit from the friendship. In my opinion, saying you’ll turn up to something and then dropping out at the last minute because you’re ’not really in the mood’ is very flaky behaviour and would annoy me a lot.
But as I say - you can choose your actions, that’s your prerogative; but you also have to be willing to accept the consequences of that.

CherryBlossom321 · 06/10/2025 15:38

Did you originally rsvp that you were attending?

fairlygoodmother · 06/10/2025 15:40

Maybe they just don’t feel like your apology text requires a response?

Enoughberries · 06/10/2025 15:43

Reverse

Enoughberries · 06/10/2025 15:43

Your guest would have known they weren’t finishing until 8pm before the day itself

Enoughberries · 06/10/2025 15:45

They live around 40 minutes from our place and it was on a Friday night.

all facts that were known about well before party day

Dozer · 06/10/2025 15:46

Is this a reverse?

peonysinthesun · 06/10/2025 15:47

If you did this to me I wouldn’t respond either and I certainly wouldn’t invite you to anything else again

TheaBrandt1 · 06/10/2025 15:50

I would be pissed off with you too and wouldn’t bother replying to your flakey whiny messages either. What do you want them to say? “Thanks for letting us down ?”. Imagine if all their guests did that. Party givers really put themselves out there it’s pretty low to bail last minute for lame reasons.

Darragon · 06/10/2025 15:51

You lied to them with a fairly transparent, limp excuse. And it wasn’t even a proper cancellation, you strung them along when you knew you weren’t going! I wouldn’t respond to that either.

StarlightRobot · 06/10/2025 15:53

Really bad form!

Wishitsnows · 06/10/2025 15:56

That’s really shit. Hope all the others invited didn’t do the same

Gorillavest · 06/10/2025 15:57

You lied and flaked out on the party, literally the night of, with friends that always put in the effort to go to yours. Rude behaviour, what do you want them to reply?

SheilaFentiman · 06/10/2025 15:58

I imagine their first instinct was to respond “oh ffs” and they managed to suppress that, which is as far as anyone could expect them to go for politeness!

Princessconsuelabananahammock9 · 06/10/2025 16:00

I’m guessing a reverse.
Either way this is really rude.

RossGellersCat · 06/10/2025 16:02

I'm going to assume this isn't a reverse... OP I think you can understand that they would feel disappointed/hurt if you were invited to a party (drinks and nibbles is still a party!) and then don't show at the last minute. (And that's without them knowing that the real reason is you couldn't be arsed to celebrate them). I'd still say you're being unreasonable if you can't see why they'd be giving you the cold shoulder, but I guess additional helpful context would be how close do you think they viewed you as being friends-wise (not how close do you view them) and how many people were invited? My point being if they felt you were close/ important friends and there was only a handful of people going in the first place then your last minute no-show would probably feel more impactful for them.

Needmorelego · 06/10/2025 16:02

Were you working until 8 by choice?
Surely you know your working hours and could have let your friends know you were working until 8 so wouldn't be able to come.

BeLilacSloth · 06/10/2025 16:03

Very rude OP. Do better.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 06/10/2025 16:03

YABU to flake on your friends at the last minute without a good reason.

YAB even more U to expect them to send you a polite text to say it's OK that you flaked on them.