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Original poster

Friends not responding after we missed their party

117 replies

ingkle · 06/10/2025 15:30

Some friends of ours were having a birthday party at their house. It wasn't a meal. Just drinks and nibbles. They live around 40 minutes from our place and it was on a Friday night.

I was working late but clocked off around 8pm. DH wasn't really in the mood to go. So I text to say I was working still at 8:30pm and wasn't sure if we would make it.

We didn't go. I text the next day to apologies and dh messaged my friend/s dh/his friend to say sorry. No reply either. I do feel guilty but we were tired. I think the friends will feel put out because they always make sure to come to our place for parties etc.

OP posts:

pictoosh · 06/10/2025 17:14

So you texted with a lie and weak-arsed 'we might not make it' after you were due to be there?
You probably expected a reassuring reply that flaking out on them was fine.
"Oh ok, no worries."
You didn't get one.
Oh well.

RampantIvy · 06/10/2025 17:16

TheaBrandt1 · 06/10/2025 17:08

Glad to see op isn’t being defended by the “introverts are the best and anyone who’s holds a party for their birthday is an attention seeking narcissist” crowd as often appear on any party attendance thread!

😁

LizzieLazzie · 06/10/2025 17:23

What do you want them to say? If they were honest they’d have to tell you how hurt and disappointed they were so they’ve probably decided to stay quiet rather than saying anything. Our so-called ‘best friends’ did something similar recently then tried to ingratiate themselves by sending us a detailed message commenting on pictures they’d seen on SM about the event they missed. We decided to send a very brief, neutral reply then not bother with them except for the bare minimum (Christmas card!).

HighLadyofTheNightCourt · 06/10/2025 17:23

Pretty shitty behaviour on your part.

JadziaD · 06/10/2025 17:26

@TheaBrandt1 Totally agree. I've seen a few of those threads over the years and it's always bizarre to me. "I didn't go to my BFF's wedding where I was supposed to be MOH because I had a disagreement with my BF the night before and I needed to take time t really focus on myself and now she's not talking to me"

"Oh, now you know who your friends really are - she should have udnerstood it's not all about her."

BIZARRE.

Needspaceforlego · 06/10/2025 18:13

Aethelredtheunsteady · 06/10/2025 16:03

I was in your friends position once. Had invited about 20-30 people over for drinks/nibbles and one by one they cancelled on the day/evening until there were only 3 of us. It was still a nice evening but I’d made nibbles etc (including taking into account multiple dietary restrictions) and if I’d have known it would just be a small group I’d probably have done a dinner (and not had to come up with vegetarian/coeliac/dairy free options) or suggested a takeaway. Made me feel pretty crappy to be honest.

I’ve not really bothered to host a party since (ironically a couple of people who texted a last minute excuse have since asked if I’m doing a Christmas party since then and seemed surprised when I said I probably wouldn’t as I wasn’t sure if people wanted to come).

You knew where their house was when you accepted the invite and that you were working late so likely to be tired. It would have been kinder not to accept the invitation in the first place.

If its any comfort I've been in that boat too. Invited about 12 friends, ended up with one friend and we decided just to go out.

Just makes you feel like shit

HaveItOffTilICough · 06/10/2025 18:28

I have a friend who has a really irritating habit of messaging on the morning of an event or night out saying she’s a bit tired or isn’t feeling great and “isn’t sure” she’ll be able to make it. Well, she might not be sure, but I am. She’s never once actually come when she’s sent one of these messages. It’s like she thinks it won’t come across as badly if she pretends there was a real possibility of her coming right up until the last moment, but we’re all wise to it.

We're still friends because in many other ways she’s great. But I never invite her for drinks or dinner one on one, because I know it’s 50/50 whether she’ll actually turn up or whether I’ll get some vague message about how she’s “really worn out” or “a bit under the weather”.

My feeling is the OP has done this once too often and her friends are tired of letting her off the hook. They’re thinking “Nah, bugger it - let her stew.”

Chiaseedling · 06/10/2025 18:30

id be well pissed off if I was the host.

HaveItOffTilICough · 06/10/2025 18:30

MaidOfSteel · 06/10/2025 17:00

I’m probably what you’d call ‘flakey’ but as I’m disabled and not in good health, I’d hope people would be understanding.

Show quote history

Has OP suggested that any of this applies in her case, though?

ConstitutionHill · 06/10/2025 18:33

Flakey and rude!

HaveItOffTilICough · 06/10/2025 18:37

Newgirls · 06/10/2025 16:10

It was on you to leave work earlier. I guess you were hoping they’d reply and say ‘don't worry!’ To make you feel ok about it?

That’s exactly what she was hoping. She was also hoping this thread would largely consist of “Awwh, you couldn’t help it; you were tired”, or at worst “Well yes, you shouldn’t have cancelled at the last minute, but it’s just as rude to sulk and make you feel bad about it. Two wrongs don’t make a right”.

Well, it didn’t happen. She got told the truth.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 06/10/2025 18:49

Reverse and the op has bitch plopped and run
now there's a surprise

Doggybroc · 07/10/2025 15:32

OP’s next thread

”I feel so lonely. I wish I had friends”

TheaBrandt1 · 07/10/2025 15:45

My grandfather always said “to have a friend you have to be a friend” which I think is pretty spot on.

AOIFEmissingUalways · 07/10/2025 16:08

TheaBrandt1 · 07/10/2025 15:45

My grandfather always said “to have a friend you have to be a friend” which I think is pretty spot on.

I like that! Lots of people complain their friend didn't do XYZ.... but have you been a real friend to them?
To have a friend, you need to be a friend 🧡 - I'm going to remember that.

RampantIvy · 07/10/2025 16:12

TheaBrandt1 · 07/10/2025 15:45

My grandfather always said “to have a friend you have to be a friend” which I think is pretty spot on.

Oh, that is so true. We have had a bit of a tough time recently and I have been overwhelmed by the kindness of my friends, workmates and people I am just friendly with. I just treat people the way I would like to be treated myself, that's all.

Whaleandsnail6 · 07/10/2025 18:41

We recently had friends cancel 2 hours before the event, and its not the first time they have cancelled on us

Tbh, I'm getting sick of them being so flakey. I didn't reply when they cancelled this last time either until a few days later as I genuinely couldn't be arsed. I didn't want to react with anger so thought it best to say nothing.

I have since replied but I don't intend on making a big effort for them in future... I'd bought ingredients to host but wont be doing that again in a hurry...will meet them out so if they cancel, nothing is wasted as we will still go

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