Friends not responding after we missed their party

[ingkle]

Some friends of ours were having a birthday party at their house. It wasn't a meal. Just drinks and nibbles. They live around 40 minutes from our place and it was on a Friday night.

I was working late but clocked off around 8pm. DH wasn't really in the mood to go. So I text to say I was working still at 8:30pm and wasn't sure if we would make it.

We didn't go. I text the next day to apologies and dh messaged my friend/s dh/his friend to say sorry. No reply either. I do feel guilty but we were tired. I think the friends will feel put out because they always make sure to come to our place for parties etc.

‘what a crazy turn of events!’

I wouldn't blame your friends to just ignore you from now.

You can't be bothered to go after accepting an invitation, you made it clear how little you value them. Why should they bother with you?

Not only are you extremely rude, but not in the least apologetic.

Shouldn't be the end of the world. If you did that to me I'd give you a minimal reply (a thumbs up) and get on with enjoying my party. You wouldn't get much attention for a bit, but I'd have got over it by the time we next met

There is a group of us that go out together a few times a year. (We have a lot of children between us all.)

One or more of us will inevitably not be able to make it. Grand. That’s family life.

There is one woman who only texts AFTER the time we were due to meet up.

We all dislike her now because it is so unbelievably rude to do this.

SO RUDE. She knows for a long time before the situation that’s she will not be going, yet she waits until after the time she was due to be there to tell the others.

Look, I get it, I’m of the age where I crawl to the end of the working week and feel like dying by Friday (and frequently don’t finish work till 8ish) but, but, I know this, I know that the chances of me feeling up to showering, changing and then driving 40mins to get to a party for (at earliest) 9.30pm are next to zero so I would politely decline. I know my friends get frustrated and secretly think I’m anti-social, but that is so much better than being rude and flakey. Know yourself and own it, for your sake and your friends.

That's so bloody rude 😬 I wouldn't answer you either

What would have been less rude is you going without DH (if he was too tired when you finished work) or him going earlier so he wasn't too tired and you missing it. Given you are both friends with them both.

So rude!!! Is this a reverse??

I was going to say they're probably hungover and don't worry about but then realised - oo, birthday party. Yikes.

Yes they probably are pretty hacked off. Did you get a present? Hadn't you better, and take it round there with a bit of grovelling?

She's pretending to still be at work.

Flaky

Disappointing op if she feels she been a good friend.. am tired of flaky behaviours in people.

Hahahaha I hope this is real! If it is, you need to take screenshots asap before OP gets the thread removed.

I had a slightly similar experience, although I wasn't hosting at home. I organised drinks at a pub and then booked a table at a restaurant. Did a poll for dates and the reservations. A couple of people cancelled so I had a bit of faff adjusting table numbers. But fine.

One friend said she'd make it and then just didn't turn up. She sent a message an hour after we arrived at the restaurant saying her husband was working late and she'd had a bad day as her child was ill and she'd had to pick him up from school.

I'm not sure if she ever twigged, but I volunteered for a school trip earlier that day and spent the whole time with her son. Who was absolutely fine. 😄

Needless to say, I didn't reply to her message and she's been knocked off my invite list for future events.

Pretty rude.
And dismissive.
It was their birthday.
It sounds as if it was a smallish do for their close friends.
So you were rude not to let them know earlier, about lateness, and worse not to go.
V selfish

If a friend did this to me I would be expecting them to be making an effort and arranging to meet up after being so flaky. This onus is on you now tbh

Yes. I was wondering that too.No mention of that - and that makes it sound even more like they never really intended to go at all - never mind the last minute

Is this real? Ican see this thread being swiftly deleted if it is....

The thought of driving 40 minutes each way to a party that starts at 9pm on a Friday is horrifying to me, personally, but I wouldn't have agreed in the first place, and if I needed to say I couldn't go, I'd have done that as early as possible. I'm not surprised they are annoyed or hurt. You waited too late to fib your way out of this one.

I’m probably what you’d call ‘flakey’ but as I’m disabled and not in good health, I’d hope people would be understanding.

You've started a whole thread because your friends haven't responded to a text message, I wonder what you would do if they just didn't show up to your birthday party?

OP: AIBU?
All replies: Yes!

OP doesn't bother to come back to the thread.

I know this is in chat but @ingkle was being unreasonable.

I've learned that if you know you're working late, you're probably not going to attend an event. Best to say in advance, I'm sorry but I'm working until 8.30, so won't be able to make it. If you change your mind you could always text, is it still going on as I could get there at 9.30/10pm? Or is it winding down! That would have been better than to just apologise the next day.

Glad to see op isn’t being defended by the “introverts are the best and anyone who’s holds a party for their birthday is an attention seeking narcissist” crowd as often appear on any party attendance thread!

Quote missed off.