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Original poster

Scared to tell him about pregnancy

119 replies

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:48

I am a good looking woman (it’s anonymous). But. He has a good life. And my life isn’t compatible to his and neither is his with mine

Knew each other since teens. Casual sex now mixed in with great conversations. All very fun. But just found out I’m pregnant

Only seen him twice. I am so worried about telling him. Almost 100% not keeping it. But feel I need to tell him, and I will tell him I’m terminating as that’s the most likely scenario and I’m almost certain

I was going to say ‘Hi R, just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant. Don’t worry, I’m not keeping it. But thought you should know. Hope you are okay’

Is that alright? I am worried he’s going to say ‘How dare you be pregnant! With my kid? You have no right to have my kid. Who are you to carry it, you aren’t worthy’

He almost certainly won’t. So why is my brain saying this is what he will think/say?

He isn’t nasty. Just still living a young man’s life with no intention of starting up with me and all my baggage

I already have DC. Divorced. Busy home life, kid with special needs. So not for him and I’ve accepted and been happy with that . Genuinely.

In an ideal world, I’d be single and childless. And maybe this baby would be a surprise. A nice surprise with a good looking woman who still has her own life and autonomy over it. But it’s not. It’s a nasty shock with someone who is just not up to the privilege

This is all very choppy and I’m just trying to think aloud and make sense of my own thoughts here

I know it’s a silly mistake. Yes, I know termination is the way to go.

Why do I feel so awful, like I’m going to really make myself out to be a horrible, deceitful witch?

OP posts:
Frostynoman · 30/09/2025 18:51

Do you want to keep the baby?
You can’t necessarily predict what he’s going to say, but if it’s unpleasant then that’s on him and not to do with you.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:52

I know his mum and dad are really proud of him. Successful, doing well for himself. Now I’ve come along to muddy that good stream of success, even if it is temporary and it won’t be staying - The very fact the threat of me ruining his life is there must make them really annoyed

I Feel bad. Even though he got me pregnant. It didn’t take just me.

I know he will tell them if I tell him. They’re close

OP posts:
Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:52

Frostynoman · 30/09/2025 18:51

Do you want to keep the baby?
You can’t necessarily predict what he’s going to say, but if it’s unpleasant then that’s on him and not to do with you.

Yes, I would love to. But I cannot. Realistically. For both of our sakes. So I will terminate, even though it’ll be very sad for me

It is fair and right that this doesn’t continue

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy Relationship problems
CurlewKate · 30/09/2025 18:53

If you are going to terminate absolutely don’t tell him. If you intend to keep the baby then tell him at the point where termination is no longer an option-you don’t want the trauma of a debate.

Frostynoman · 30/09/2025 18:55

You need to work on your self esteem. You sound ashamed of yourself and you shouldn’t be. Have a think about if you want this baby, and take it from there. Ignore what these parents think - they’re not your parents and they will absolutely have rose tinted glasses on. This is about you and your body and your life - sod what you think people may say.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:55

CurlewKate · 30/09/2025 18:53

If you are going to terminate absolutely don’t tell him. If you intend to keep the baby then tell him at the point where termination is no longer an option-you don’t want the trauma of a debate.

Edited

Why? I’d like to continue the flirty friendship of casual sex every once in a while… I think it would feel a bit heavy and odd not to have said something

Maybe that’s wrong, though. Just feels very deceptive. I’d encourage other woman not to say a word and think nothing of it if they didn’t want to say. But I would feel like it would eat me alive

OP posts:
MidnightPatrol · 30/09/2025 18:56

You lost me at the opening sentence tbh.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:57

Frostynoman · 30/09/2025 18:55

You need to work on your self esteem. You sound ashamed of yourself and you shouldn’t be. Have a think about if you want this baby, and take it from there. Ignore what these parents think - they’re not your parents and they will absolutely have rose tinted glasses on. This is about you and your body and your life - sod what you think people may say.

I am really happy with my personality and my looks. I am confident within myself. But my personal life is very messy, I am 28 and already divorced. With a DC with special needs. Nobody wants that for a mum to their first baby

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/09/2025 18:58

If you have decided to terminate then there's no good reason to tell him.

Linenpickle · 30/09/2025 18:59

If you are terminating, you shouldn’t tell him.

BatOrange · 30/09/2025 19:02

If you’ve not told him already, I wouldn’t bother. What’s the point? Proving that when this happens you’re trustworthy enough to make the right choice for him? Secretly hoping he objects and you get to keep it with support?

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:05

BatOrange · 30/09/2025 19:02

If you’ve not told him already, I wouldn’t bother. What’s the point? Proving that when this happens you’re trustworthy enough to make the right choice for him? Secretly hoping he objects and you get to keep it with support?

Hmm, maybe - Maybe that, proving I can make the right and sensible choice. And also sort of wanting to see his reaction, maybe

But I do genuinely think it’s fair to tell him

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/09/2025 19:08

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:05

Hmm, maybe - Maybe that, proving I can make the right and sensible choice. And also sort of wanting to see his reaction, maybe

But I do genuinely think it’s fair to tell him

Show quote history

Why?

What possible good do you think it would do?

Uricon2 · 30/09/2025 19:12

What on earth has being "a good looking woman" or not got to do with this situation? If that is where you see your value, it will not last.

Do what is right for you and the children you've got, whatever that might be. Also, tighten up your contraception.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2025 19:13

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:05

Hmm, maybe - Maybe that, proving I can make the right and sensible choice. And also sort of wanting to see his reaction, maybe

But I do genuinely think it’s fair to tell him

Show quote history

What, like some sort of fucked up test?

Were you using contraception, was he using condoms? The only reason to tell him even if you terminate would be a lesson in responsibility and that casual sex can lead to pregnancy and serious consequences. You’re both adults and should know how babies are made. But I still don’t think you should tell him.

CatDogFishyFrog · 30/09/2025 19:14

What if he want you to go through with it?

If you genuinely have decided you don't want it, then keep it to yourself and do what you need to do. Swear yourself to secrecy. Don't ever bring it up with him- will risk losing the friendship.

You've made your decision. What do you hope to achieve by 'telling' him what happened/ what your intentions are? If what he says wont make a difference, then stay shtum!

Also, best use protection next time.. (not judging- just saves the turmoil later)

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2025 19:15

I agree that both your looks and your obsession with your looks are very peculiar. Why measure your worth by something so fleeting?

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:24

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/09/2025 19:15

I agree that both your looks and your obsession with your looks are very peculiar. Why measure your worth by something so fleeting?

Because I am not someone riddled with lack of self confidence in the typical way.

I like my personality. I am desirable. But my life is incredibly sad and not something most genuine, decent people want to be around. It’ll always be like that. Just a fact. It isn’t a reflection of my personality or my self esteem in my appearance.

Just wanted to make that clear. If I had a different home life, I would be a catch

OP posts:
LadyoftheMercians · 30/09/2025 19:30

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:52

Yes, I would love to. But I cannot. Realistically. For both of our sakes. So I will terminate, even though it’ll be very sad for me

It is fair and right that this doesn’t continue

Show quote history

Do not tell him. He does not need to know if you have a medical procedure on your body.

If you keep the pregnancy, then tell him.

BlouseyBrowne · 30/09/2025 19:30

Just terminate, don’t tell him and move on.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:30

Why do people suggest not to tell him?

OP posts:
LadyoftheMercians · 30/09/2025 19:31

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:30

Why do people suggest not to tell him?

Well why would you tell him. What benefit would it serve.

"Oy fuck buddy, here's what you could have had"

Just no.

Catpiece · 30/09/2025 19:33

MidnightPatrol · 30/09/2025 18:56

You lost me at the opening sentence tbh.

Yeh. What’s the relevance?

cestlavielife · 30/09/2025 19:35

Do you want him to beg you to keep it?
Otherwise no reason to say anything .

You imply it s casual

He isn't going to hold your hand at the clinic. Or is he?

So next time you meet you can say let s double up on contraception as by the way, I had to have a termination last month.

Daughterofthesea · 30/09/2025 19:36

What on earth does your opinion of your own attractiveness have to do with this?