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Original poster

Scared to tell him about pregnancy

119 replies

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 18:48

I am a good looking woman (it’s anonymous). But. He has a good life. And my life isn’t compatible to his and neither is his with mine

Knew each other since teens. Casual sex now mixed in with great conversations. All very fun. But just found out I’m pregnant

Only seen him twice. I am so worried about telling him. Almost 100% not keeping it. But feel I need to tell him, and I will tell him I’m terminating as that’s the most likely scenario and I’m almost certain

I was going to say ‘Hi R, just wanted to let you know I’m pregnant. Don’t worry, I’m not keeping it. But thought you should know. Hope you are okay’

Is that alright? I am worried he’s going to say ‘How dare you be pregnant! With my kid? You have no right to have my kid. Who are you to carry it, you aren’t worthy’

He almost certainly won’t. So why is my brain saying this is what he will think/say?

He isn’t nasty. Just still living a young man’s life with no intention of starting up with me and all my baggage

I already have DC. Divorced. Busy home life, kid with special needs. So not for him and I’ve accepted and been happy with that . Genuinely.

In an ideal world, I’d be single and childless. And maybe this baby would be a surprise. A nice surprise with a good looking woman who still has her own life and autonomy over it. But it’s not. It’s a nasty shock with someone who is just not up to the privilege

This is all very choppy and I’m just trying to think aloud and make sense of my own thoughts here

I know it’s a silly mistake. Yes, I know termination is the way to go.

Why do I feel so awful, like I’m going to really make myself out to be a horrible, deceitful witch?

OP posts:
TheGreatWesternShrew · 03/10/2025 17:09

Oh sorry I see you’ve changed your mind. Make sure you make the decision with your other children in mind too.

ThreeLocusts · 03/10/2025 17:47

OP I'm glad to read your last update. For your own peace of mind and sense of your own integrity and autonomy, you've got to go with what you want when it comes to your pregnancy, and you're entitled to do that. I was with those who thought at first that you sounded like you wanted to abort for his sake, not yours.

He doesn't have to marry you because of this; it's not like you'll tie him down forever after. Up to him whether he commits further to you because you're carrying his child, or keeps things at a distance. If he's so successful surely he can cope with the financial consequences (which he certainly should face).

That said, I don't envy you for having to tell him one way or another. Keeping shtum about a pregnancy, as distinct from abortion, seems unwise given that you do value your relationship with him. I'll be crossing my fingers that he'll take it well.

And fgs don't worry about whether your parents think you're good enough for their golden son or not. If you were good enough to sleep with, you're good enough to have his baby. Biology. All the best.

Gnarab24 · 03/10/2025 18:53

Of course you’re keeping the baby, I’m not surprised by this update especially as you’re so good looking.
Mumsnet is so tiresome these days.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy Relationship problems
Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 03/10/2025 20:02

Told him. He was really angry at the situation. When I replied to what he said, he has now said ‘Think it’s best I just block you’

OP posts:
LadyoftheMercians · 03/10/2025 20:07

What's he angry about?

He put his penis in you, that's pregnancies start.

ThreePears · 03/10/2025 20:19

HeIsOnTeamB · 03/10/2025 20:02

Told him. He was really angry at the situation. When I replied to what he said, he has now said ‘Think it’s best I just block you’

Angry at the situation HE created? I bloody well hope it's himself he's angry at.

What an unpleasant man.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 03/10/2025 20:32

He said in message ‘Fuck this. I don’t want it. I don’t want a kid with you S! What the fuck. I’ve got a life and you have your own life to live too. Why drag me into this shit? You better not tell anyone about it. Let the dust settle for fuck sake’

I said ‘Sorry, it must be a lot to take in. This is my pregnancy, and I think I will continue. Maybe take some time to process it and cool off’

He then replied with the ‘think it’s best I block you’ message

He hasn’t blocked me

OP posts:
alligatorshmalligator · 03/10/2025 20:40

Anyone else questioning if this is real

Jellybunny56 · 03/10/2025 20:54

What did you expect OP? You’ve thought about what YOU want, not what is best for the baby, your other child, him- as the father.

You knew he didn’t want a child and you were right, you knew it was a casual fling and you were right.

Wrenjay · 03/10/2025 20:56

You now know the measure of the male from his reaction. I wish you well and hold your head high as you are far better than him. Give your best love to your beautiful children.

Puregoldy · 03/10/2025 21:02

Op I do not think it’s that unusual to be divorced at any age with a child. I think you are judging yourself so much! I’d give yourself time to get your head round it. Edited as I just saw your update. Let him have his tantrum and carry on being you.

Andthatrightsoon · 03/10/2025 21:18

alligatorshmalligator · 03/10/2025 20:40

Anyone else questioning if this is real

It's not ringing completely true. I hope it isn't.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 03/10/2025 21:41

Puregoldy · 03/10/2025 21:02

Op I do not think it’s that unusual to be divorced at any age with a child. I think you are judging yourself so much! I’d give yourself time to get your head round it. Edited as I just saw your update. Let him have his tantrum and carry on being you.

Edited

What do I do? How do I contact him when I know the pregnancy is viable (as in, after the dating scan and due date is confirmed). How about when the baby is on its way?

I know who his brother’s long term partner is… they have 4 kids together. If he leaves me blocked for months, do I message her and contact him through his family?

OP posts:
Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 03/10/2025 21:43

Jellybunny56 · 03/10/2025 20:54

What did you expect OP? You’ve thought about what YOU want, not what is best for the baby, your other child, him- as the father.

You knew he didn’t want a child and you were right, you knew it was a casual fling and you were right.

I am 1000% pro choice and believe any reason, up to the woman. But, you can’t seriously say it’s just best for the baby that it doesn’t exist? Seems strange to me

I was thinking about him before but was told repeatedly to stop doing that on this thread as it isn’t my job to consider him

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 03/10/2025 21:57

If there's really such a thing as a garden path, we've been led up it. I'm going back to my Clint Eastwood film.

Viviennemary · 03/10/2025 22:01

To be fair you had decided to terminate the pregnancy but changed your mind. Now he doesn't want a baby. I think that's fair enough but he is still legally obliged to pay maintenance but it's his right to have nothing to do with it.

HundredMilesAnHour · 03/10/2025 22:07

Andthatrightsoon · 03/10/2025 21:18

It's not ringing completely true. I hope it isn't.

Show quote history

I’ve reported it so MN can decide.

Gnarab24 · 03/10/2025 22:13

Andthatrightsoon · 03/10/2025 21:18

It's not ringing completely true. I hope it isn't.

Show quote history

It’s total nonsense
I get that Netflix is a bit expensive these days but how desperate are some people for their Friday night entertainment

tiredangry · 03/10/2025 22:18

HeIsOnTeamB · 30/09/2025 19:30

Why do people suggest not to tell him?

Because you can't un tell him and he won't ever forget it. And the FWB scenario won't be the same afterwards.

If you are telling him about it, I would have thought that you would get his views on the termination.

Viviennemary · 03/10/2025 22:19

Gnarab24 · 03/10/2025 22:13

It’s total nonsense
I get that Netflix is a bit expensive these days but how desperate are some people for their Friday night entertainment

Show quote history

To be fair there isn't anything worth watching on TV tonight. And I can't be bothered searching through netflix. Gave up on Coronation Street as that was rubbish.

Lifestooshort71 · 03/10/2025 22:26

Viviennemary · 03/10/2025 22:19

To be fair there isn't anything worth watching on TV tonight. And I can't be bothered searching through netflix. Gave up on Coronation Street as that was rubbish.

Show quote history

The old Clint Eastwood is worth watching - it's got Tyne Daly in but we can't remember the name of the 2-women cop show she was in......

Viviennemary · 03/10/2025 22:53

Lifestooshort71 · 03/10/2025 22:26

The old Clint Eastwood is worth watching - it's got Tyne Daly in but we can't remember the name of the 2-women cop show she was in......

Show quote history

It's Cagney and Lacey. I loved it.

Jellybunny56 · 04/10/2025 09:05

HeIsOnTeamB · 03/10/2025 21:41

What do I do? How do I contact him when I know the pregnancy is viable (as in, after the dating scan and due date is confirmed). How about when the baby is on its way?

I know who his brother’s long term partner is… they have 4 kids together. If he leaves me blocked for months, do I message her and contact him through his family?

Show quote history

You don’t contact him at all, and certainly not his family. He doesn’t want a child, you knew that, this is all about what YOU want so you deal with that yourself.

Original poster
HeIsOnTeamB · 04/10/2025 14:41

Jellybunny56 · 04/10/2025 09:05

You don’t contact him at all, and certainly not his family. He doesn’t want a child, you knew that, this is all about what YOU want so you deal with that yourself.

Show quote history

Right. And how about the child maintenance side of things? Or should he not have to pay that… in your eyes anyway

I do feel for him but I don’t want to terminate. Sorry

OP posts:
Olive72 · 04/10/2025 15:11

Did birth control fail or were you both careless? I am with him I’m afraid. If it was birth control “failing” then it’s no surprise he is angry. Reading between the lines it seems like you are in love with this guy and are trying to convince us you aren’t. You know too much about his life to be fuck buddies and you think about his feelings more than your own or the unborn baby. Be true to yourself - you deserve it. Hope whatever you choose it works out well for you