If you have a child with autism that can be violent..

[Colouroutsidethelines]

How do you feel when you find out they have attacked school staff? How do you respond?

I am a teaching assistant. I was playing in the garden with another staff member and four children who all have an autism or ADHD diagnosis.

The child I was playing with in the construction area is in year 4 and very articulate. We were conversing nicely, talking about his favourite cars. He then got up and walked off and before I stood up, he had gone behind me, picked up a large wooden log and cracked me hard over the head with it.

It caught me completely off guard and I did cry with the pain as I ran inside to seek first aid.

Curious to how you would respond if this was your child.

I think you are looking for empathy from the wrong person OP, the parent was not there to prevent the incident and you have stated that the school cannot/will not do anything to prevent these incidents from happening again. The parent may be have had this conversation before and may be angry about their DC being forced into this situation. I would be upset and sorry if my DC did this but also concerned that this incident happened and want to know what will happen differently in the future to keep everyone safe.

Remember the child has a neurological disability. Whilst your frustrated looking after this DC for 6 hours a day, this is the parents life. They are likely sleep deprived and not in the best head space to always act appropriately. And many ND DC have ND parents too.

I understand that, I really do, but you cannot momentarily turn your back on someone who you know cannot control their behaviour and will act on impulse or other things. It is the school who need to highlight the lack of staffing. If this child needs a 1:1 to keep them, their peers and the staff safe then that is what the school should be providing. If they cannot meet the needs they need to act on it.
It’s a safeguarding concern for the school. The Equality Act and the SEN act protect these children from being excluded if measures haven’t been put it place. It sounds like measures have and they weren’t followed no matter how momentarily the slip was.

As a parent, it’s awful to hear your child has done these things. It’s heartbreaking to hear that your precious child has hurt someone. We see the struggles our children go through on a daily basis, and we are at the front line with them. We know our children need specialist support that the majority of mainstream schools cannot provide, a lot of us would jump to have a place in a SEN school where our children could thrive without disrupting everyone else, there aren’t enough places.
Its a lonely place to be a lot of the time, we don’t make mum friends at school, we don’t have play dates, I say we, I can only speak for myself and those who I know are in the same situation. I hate pick up, because I’m waiting for that conversation at the classroom door.

I don’t know why this parent laughed, it’s not funny. Not for anyone involved. Maybe the were shocked or embarrassed.

It sounds like a horrific school for SEN children and also for the staff who are trying to support them with no funding.

My son in mainstream school has 2:1 TA support through his EHCP and the school had to fight as hard as me to get it in place. It was incredibly difficult and time consuming, which it shouldn't be.

I'm baffled to hear of a school that doesn't seem to be fighting for the children, not to mention their staff, who desperately need EHCP's and the funding that comes with it to the point that no children at all have funding or even 1:1 support. That's madness and unfortunately, not surprising at all that you were injured.

As a SEND parent I have known other parents who have no truck with, or embarrassment over, the carnage their DC can leave in their wake. Whilst I am in no way condoning the parent’s laughter in this instance, it gets pretty exhausting having to apologise constantly for your child. To teachers, to other parents, to anyone running or working in any kind of service with which you have tried to interact (DS once broke a shop window - we were only in town to collect sensory equipment). Inevitably, other parents gossip and whisper about “that child” who is naughty, psycho etc. It can make parents - particularly single mums ime - very defensive. Our brief foray into private education ended when a parent described DS as “the antichrist” to my face after he deliberately urinated on a TA. (I already knew his nickname in the PA was “Damien”).

And then you have the cognitive dissonance of everyone in the entire world telling you that your child is a monster and that you must be a terrible parent, whilst the LA gaslights you that there is nothing whatsoever wrong with DS, and he is fine and dandy in mainstream (despite being locked in a cupboard all day with 2:1 supervision and on a reduced timetable). Having to beg and plead for the basics, while fending off parents who are - quite reasonably - unhappy about your child’s needs impacting their DC’s education, does tend to bring out the worst in people and induce paranoia. I can sort of see why a parent might have a wildly inappropriate reaction under that sort of pressure.

I don’t want to do the #bekind bullshit, but if you haven’t experienced raising a SEN child whose very existence seems to be resented by everyone, then you are very fortunate.

My oldest is autistic and could be violent.

To answer your question - horrified, though only mildly surprised. And I would be extremely apologetic and be talking (yet again) to the support services.

I'm so sorry you have received so many stupid replies here, which has to be rubbing salt in the wound.

If your school has tried to access support and there isn't any, there isn't any. No point with repeated posts saying essentially 'you should have it!'.

Fecking insane posters who manage to blame you for this.

I hope the physical pain passes soon and I hope you can find another job quickly.

I would be absolutely horrified. I’d make it my business to get to the bottom of why the child had done it - probably in a different environment when they could properly explain, and then make them go back and show they understood (assuming I’d got through to them) to the teacher. Two of my kids are autistic and although not violent as a rule, we have had our moments. And I’d take the teacher a card or some flowers.

One of mine did something particularly onerous to his TA when he was about 6 and we had a talk and then I went back to school with him and spoke to her in front of him about how very sorry I was and how much I was trying to make him understand why what he did was wrong. It probably made no difference really to my son, because for him he was behaving logically, but at least it kept the school on side and they knew that as parents we weren’t total dicks.

I think being articulate is a red herring. Having verbal ability isn't linked to sensory and emotional regulation. Also, it's interesting that you say you were having a nice conversation beforehand. My girls have been most dysregulated by a conversation when the adult thought they were doing just fine. Even yesterday I had to inject in a conversation my 18 year old was having with a health professional. She said 'I can tell you're Mum, you're speaking for her.' I was interjecting because I could see DD2 becoming more and more smiley. This encourages adults to talk, but it's a sign that she's overwhelmed.

As a parent, I would be sorry. I would express that. But I'd also expect a full ABC analysis to work out why this has happened. I would expect that a management plan would be put in place. If there are logs in that area, it's not a suitable area for those children. That environmental risk assessment should have been done with your site manager (My DH is a school site manager and he risk assesses all areas and materials within them).

Ultimately, this is not for the parent to fix. They weren't there, and they didn't make any decisions about the provision. This isn't for the child to fix - a child who is lumping an adult with a log isn't going to be doing a meaningful reflection of their behaviour. This is for the adults at school to fix. They need to do a risk assessment and management plan. They need to contact the LA.

Fucking hell. What an appalling attitude.

The ‘tell me you know…’ wasn’t aimed at the OP though. I’ve not downplayed her concerns or victim blamed. I was very clear (albeit in a different comment) that the OP should address her concerns to her employer. My unoriginality was in response a naive comment by someone else.

So, no, I’m not part of the problem; in fact, I just want the real problem (lack of support for both the OP and the child - and many others in their position) to be addressed

What is appalling is how so many children are being failed time and time again by putting the needs of SEN children above the majority.

In the workplace, you would never be put in a situation where you could get physically assaulted, yet thousands of children are knowingly put in this situation daily.

What do you suggest?

And the business about the x box? You couldn’t be more wrong.

With an attitude to disability like that, your children will likely model your behavior and turn out to be utter arseholes.

HOW are kids with SEN prioritised? That’s bullshit. So many can’t access any education whatsoever!

The irony being with these incidents he will be more likely to get funding for additional support that he needs. Without these incidents it makes it harder to get support in place.

I wonder if the parent laughed because they have been asking for help and being ignored for so long and treated like they are the only one seeing the behaviour. Almost like final now someone may actually listen.

Not laughing that you were hurt just at the whole situation they have been battling

Glad he's been excluded as it doesn't sound like it's correct environment for them.

The budgets associated with SEN schooling, transport, etc, are vast. The spending per child dwarfs that of non-SEN children.

Ultimately, those SEN kids are going to rely upon the economy that's built and maintained by the non-SEN kids when they're adults, so it's essential that the non-SEN kids get a decent education.

The current system seems to be completely unaffordable, but I don't have any real ideas of how to fix it.

Do we, as a society, need to accept that some SEN children shouldn't even be in education and should be safely 'warehoused' instead?

My son has done this to his 1:1
Not really a trigger that was noticeable but there was one which we found out after evaluating what happened in the moment.
The 1:1 didnt tell me in person but the teacher did. I was mortified but I honestly didnt fully react until I got home and processed it. Then the next day I saw her personally to apologise profusely. I carried a tremendous feeling of guilt and sadness but I have a difficult time showing it.

@Colouroutsidethelines As the parent of an autistic child who has/can be violent..

My first question would always be, is the teacher/TA ok?
Then i would apologise for my kids behaviour.

Then i would want a break down on what happened, how it happened, and why it happened... and want a review for his sake, and everyone elses, of how it can be prevented in future.

Thing is, my DS was never violent without reason.. it was always due to stress from emotions or the environment, and there were always 'tells' in his behaviour prior to any incident.

Each time we did all of the above, isolated what caused the meltdown, and put in places mitigations and training to make sure it didn't happen again.

These children are disabled. (They may not fit with preconceived or sanitised notions about disability, but they are). Disability can happen to anyone.

Disabled children still have to go to school (by law). There are not enough LA specialist places, so there is nowhere for them to go but mainstream. Far from ”not giving a shit”, the vast majority of parents whose children are disruptive will be actively trying to get them a place elsewhere.

DH and I are as sharp-elbowed MC as they come (doctor and lawyer) and it still took us 3 academic years to get DS a place in specialist despite high acuity. Your ire should be directed at the LA’s who ensure that SEN children remain in unsuitable LA settings long after it’s clear they cannot cope. Would you expect a child in a wheelchair to make her own way up a flight of stairs at school, or to get accepted in its running team? Because that’s the equivalent of what we ask of some ND children in mainstream.

Autistic children who don’t get their needs met are over-represented in suicide stats and in the prison population, so it’s important for society to get this right and to do better by all children.

DS is flying at specialist school and made the equivalent of 3 years’ progress in his first academic year on a non-reduced timetable. He has a superhuman memory (memorized the tube map by age 5) and is gifted in maths.

His school place costs the LA about £100k a year, so if you don’t think the likes of DS should be sharing the same rarefied air as your DC, then you had better get used to paying a lot more council tax alongside your school fees.

Do we, as a society, need to accept that some SEN children shouldn't even be in education and should be safely 'warehoused' instead?

Great idea! The benefits bill is also unaffordable. We could save a fortune if we round up everyone on ESA and ‘warehouse’ them too, in dorms with mass catering for economies of scale. We could call it, I dunno, a workhouse?

JFC.

"In the workplace, you would never be put in a situation where you could get physically assaulted"

Well.. you've never worked in any customer facing roles i see.

Bar work, Waitressing, Health Services, Emergency Services, Retail... any of these roles present the risk of being attacked by a customer/service user.

I wouldn't want to live in a society which would be prepared to accept that.

Or...teaching/working in schools!

I thought it was an odd comment too considering it's about someone in the workplace getting physically assaulted.

i get the impression they've only ever worked in offices with fellow employees, never in customer facing roles!

I think my office based jobs were the only ones where that was never a factor.

I've worked with Kids, in hospitality or retail most of my life, and its always been a consideration.

That is the schools problem to sort out and not for you to worry about. The parents attitude toward you is disgraceful and the school should be dealing with the boy and his parents. You have sustained a nasty head injury please do not not return to the school until you are fully recovered.